Monday, September 29, 2008

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Yes, Vagina, There is a Britney Sex Tape - This news should only come as a shock to 40-year-old Claymate housewives who still think they have a chance with Mr. Aiken. The interesting thing here is that, of all the bed buddies that Britney could've taped herself with, she chose Adnan Ghalib. Of course. Because no one understands discretion and values privacy more than a paparazzo. Once again, this begs the question: Is Brit really that stupid or is she a manipulative, marketing genius?

Project Runway Turning Into A Real Lifetime Movie - Although the sixth season of PR is already in production, a judge has issued a preliminary ruling that may keep it off the air. Apparently, NBC is boo-hooing that the Weinstein Company violated the network's "right of first refusal" by taking the show to Lifetime. According to a Weinstein spokesperson, production on Season 6 will continue as the legal battle rages on. And if they can't come to an agreement, we can at least all look forward to Can't We Make It Work?, a Lifetime original starring Gail O'Grady as Heidi Klum, Peter Strauss as Tim Gunn, Kurtwood Smith as the evil Jeff Zucker, and George Dzundza and Dennis Franz as Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Special appearances by Meredith Baxter-Birney as Lifetime's Executive VP of Entertainment, JoAnn Alfano, and Valerie Bertinelli as Lifetime's VP of Reality Programming, Sandy Varo.

Heather Locklear Operates Heavy Machinery Against Her Pill Bottle's Advice - Hollywood vixen Locklear was arrested on Saturday for "driving erratically," presumably because she was all hopped up on her prescription meds. It was discovered later than Kimberly actually drugged her and put her in the car with the engine running, leaving her to die from carbon monoxide poisoning. However, Billy came by and revived her, making Allison really jealous. Allison jumped in Heather's car and accidentally ran over Jane, paralyzing her. Michael saw the car driving off and thought it was Heather who had run Jane over, so he headed for her place with a loaded gun. Sydney was spying on Michael and she...uh...hold up. I could have my facts messed up here.

ScarJo and Ryno Got Married, Yo - Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot over the weekend. I've tried to care less about this news, but I just can't. But I am taking bets on how many more weekends this union will last.

Turtles Rock!! - Just click the link. Need I say more?


cube said...

Your Project Runway riff was worth the price of admission today, dear. lol.

cube said...

Wait, don't I get some kind if prize for being first, if not the wittiest?

cube said...

Wait, isn't there some prize for being first AND second AND third. Oh, comon!!!

Bubs said...

Why do I get the feeling that the turtle and Britney could have exchanged wigs?

Dr Zibbs said...

IF this tape becomes available you need to let us know. I need to review it for "research" purposes

katrocket said...

Your Heather Locklear story made me laugh so hard I choked on my morning coffee. I still love you, in spite of that attempt on my life.

J. Hi said...

You brought back some great Melrose memories. Heather might be better off if Kimberly just blew up her apartment complex.

Cormac Brown said...

You know that's no turtle, right? That's Lou Reed.

Bond said...

So, to recap...Britney made a sex tape with an old boyfriend and Clay Aiken and they are going to sell it to the producers of project Runway who will market it under the title of "Three the hard way" and it will include a special guest appearance by Heather Locklear who drives her car through the wall into the bedroom just as Britney screams "Yeah Baby Clay, show mama what you got!" and Aiken pulls a hairy turtle out of his butt and smiles as the camera fades to black.

Did I get it all?

Red said...

If they actually made that PR Lifetime movie, it would be the first thing I'd ever watch on Lifetime.

SkylersDad said...

I just want to view Bond's new film idea!

CDP said...

The turtle looks pretty pleased with his bad self.

FranIAm said...

You had me at "Yes Vagina..."



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