So, after months of rumors and blah-blah-blahing, it's been announced that Britney Spears will once again open the MTV Video Music Awards, but not with an exciting musical performance. Hey, why should anything change from last year?
Since Britney thankfully has no new "music" to promote, everyone (well, tweens and fauxhawked boys who work at Uniqlo) is on the edge of their seats, wondering what spectacular surprise she has up her sleeve for Sunday's event. Odds are that she has nothing planned and intends to just show up and halfheartedly wing it. Hey, why should anything change from last year?
However, just in case Brit is looking for a bit more structure for this year's VMA appearance, I have compiled a list of possible openings for her consideration.
Since Britney thankfully has no new "music" to promote, everyone (well, tweens and fauxhawked boys who work at Uniqlo) is on the edge of their seats, wondering what spectacular surprise she has up her sleeve for Sunday's event. Odds are that she has nothing planned and intends to just show up and halfheartedly wing it. Hey, why should anything change from last year?
However, just in case Brit is looking for a bit more structure for this year's VMA appearance, I have compiled a list of possible openings for her consideration.
- Pull a rabbit out of her vagina.
Make out with Bristol Palin.
- Demonstrate how to make easy and delicious Percocet Gumbo.
- Reenact the romantic dinner scene from Lady and the Tramp with Spaghetti Cat.
- Reveal her plan to ensure more accountability in the subprime lending industry.
- Challenge Kobiyashi to a hot dog eating contest.
- Come out dressed like The Joker; jam a pencil through Kanye West's skull.
Comments
also, Joey Chestnut is the new Kobiyashi.
As for other possible openings for Britney to consider, she could re-enact the closing scene from the movie "Sunset Boulevard".
-She gives birth on stage.
-Her uterus falls out on stage and is given an award. (Or presents an award.)
-She dresses up as a clown and has sex with James Woods on a big tall platform in front of everyone through the whole show.
If that should fail, I vote that she kick open the doors and start felating everything on the stage. Everything even remotely phallic. Don't acknowledge the crowd. Just keep going. Microphones, flagpoles, Ed McMahon...and then have an old asteroids arcade game over in corner that she has to come to last and then, with a slight hesitation, shrug and then perform cunnilingus on the track ball.
And again, you are a Photoshop guru :)