Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Firecrotch of the Year

Sorry that I've kept you all in suspense over this Firecrotch of the Year business, everyone. As it turns out, sickness enjoys attacking me while I'm on vacation. Even though just about everyone in my office had been sick over the two weeks leading up to Christmas, I managed to stave off any infections. But of course I was immediately violated by Pleghmmy Pleghmmerson and his gang the minute I set foot in Pittsburgh. So, it's been a little hard to blog during the 5 hours a day that I'm actually awake and coherent. Especially since my Dad got a Wii for Christmas, and I've somehow become a friggin' pro at tennis, even while in a Vicks Vap-o-rub haze and suffering from perpetual glassy eyes.

Anyway, I don't feel too badly about keeping you in "suspense," because, let's face it, everyone knew that Pistols was gonna win. Even if you didn't check the latest poll results, it couldn't have been too hard to figure out. That bastard wins everything. He even beat me out for Blogger of the Year. But I'm not bitter. I don't blame him. I blame YOU. Just because a guy is consistently funny and updates his blog regularly, you go and vote for him? What is the blogosphere coming to?

But whatever, this isn't a pity party for me, it's a Pistols party. So, here's your badge, mister. Wear it with honor. I will admit that, if I hadn't put this to a public vote, I would've awarded you Firecrotch of the Year myself, so everything's as it should be.

Pistols, of all the "Of the Years" this year, you're the Of the Yeariest.


red said...

Pistols is like the Homecoming King/Class President/Football Hero of the Blogosphere. I hope he asks me to prom!!!

Wii tennis is tough! I'm impressed, Becks.

SouthernBelle said...

Damn that Pistols, he wins everything! Not that I was in the running, but hey... a girl can dream.

I'm a fan of Wii bowling myself. And Mario Kart kicks even more ass in Wii format.

Cormac Brown said...

Go on, Pistols, long may your crotch burn.

Get better Becky or the usual asshats will ply their asshat-ery without the vigilance of The Pop Eye.

Andy said...

I got distracted reading that you were in Pittsburgh, since I'm from that area. I hope you at least had some Iron City or a bratwurst or got black lung disease or something

Mike said...

not shocked. voted for you. I never won a week..even though I was laaaame. :-)

CDP said...

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. When he suspends habeas corpus and declares martial law, I'm holding you responsible.

Anonymous said...

Oh hell no! He took my title? I'm going to track him down. He shouldn't be hard to find. He's the one at the 7-11 eating Cheese Puffs at 2:00 a.m. I'm coming for you Pistols!

SkylersDad said...

That is just a little bit of poetic justice, because Pistols equals fire in the crotch.

Falwless said...

That kid wins everything. Fuck him.

(jus kiddin', Pistols baby)

pistols at dawn said...

My crotch has been feeling awful smoldery of late - this must be the reason.

Well, this, and girls from Baltimore.

Still, my crotch is on fire like Buddhist monks protesting the Vietnam War that later become Rage Against the Machine album covers, and I think that's a good thing.

Also, if this is a Pistols party, girls' shirts aren't invited. Yow!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Congrats to Pistols. I think Firecrotch of the year is a most prestigious honor! (even though I still don't know what it means)

I hope you get well soon Beckeye!

Les Becker said...

I have purposely stayed away from the Firecrotch contests - cuz I PROUDLY display all awards, etc. on my blog. Which my family lurks. And my mom would ground me if I ever won anything with the term "Firecrotch" in it.

Gifted Typist said...

There was hardly a contest. Congrats to Pistols.

words words words said...

As December Firecrotch, I would like to thank Pistols for making my genitals feel better. Wait, I mean...oh, screw it.

I didn't want to win anyway!


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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