Monday, January 12, 2009

Caption Crotch-test Contest #18

"Put your hands all over me you damn dirty ape!"


Good Lord, could it be? Doc has finally won a Firecrotch of the Month award?? Yes indeedy doo, and I swear to Ben Roethlisberger that I didn't just give it to him so he'd stop whining about the unfairness of it all. He actually earned it. He must have figured out that not only do I love stupid puns, but I love re-worked movie quotes!

To be brutally honest with you people, I didn't find the rest of the entries very funny. It's like you weren't even trying. Even that win-everything-big-shot, Pistols. What the eff?? This is no way to treat mama on the cusp of American Idol season, just as I'm about to transform this shitty little blog into The Greatest Recapalooza on Earth. To get the brilliance you expect, you've gotta give a little in return. Idol gives back. Why can't you?

Out of obligation, I still chose two runners up:

New Hollywood Zoo To Feature Monkeys, Anteaters - Deadspot
(It's funny 'cause it's true. Paris most certainly does have anteater DNA.)

Paris Hilton's crabs are getting so big, they're starting to look like giant monkeys. - Some Guy
(It's funny 'cause it's so stupid. Kind of like a New York Daily News headline.)

Sorry to be so hard on you people, but I expect more from you. Also, I'm doing my part to fill the void of ridicule and degradation in your lives since Falwless left you for Facebook. I know it's not much, but I'm trying.

28 comments:

cube said...

I don't even know what that thing is how am I going to come up with a witty caption?

Oh, that's Paris. My bad.

pistols at dawn said...

You know that rumor saying that sex with monkeys gave us the AIDS virus? Paris is about to pay those bastards back in kind.

Leonesse said...

That Soul Patch on your chin reminds me of my the bush I had when I was 13.

Bacon Lady said...

"I'm gonna' like totally make you my bitch...then my purse."

Flannery Alden said...

Let me get that tick off your chin...

Pepe Le Pew said...

Well the Barbeque was bring your own meat ...

Some Guy said...

Paris Hilton's crabs are getting so big, they're starting to look like giant monkeys.

deadspot said...

"Hey, big fella... I've got a patch just like that. Wanna find it?"

deadspot said...

New Hollywood Zoo To Feature Monkeys, Anteaters

Les Becker said...

You know I'm not gonna come up with a caption, but I can just imagine what the guy in the suit is doing with her hanging off him like that...

Mike said...

Paris whispers "Vacant Staring and dubous facial hair...thats hot!"

"Why do more people know who this friggin monkey is than me???"

Doc said...

Paris speaking to ape:

"You've got a hairy back, but I'll do you anyway."

"Wanna play hide the banana?"

"Put your hands all over me you damn dirty ape!"

"Can you introduce me to Donkey Kong? I hear he has a huge wang!"

"I'm a virgin, so be gentle..."

"With a nose like that I bet you could do a lot of blow."

"Do you have a red ass? I do."

"If that's Micheal Jackson in that suit, I'm leaving!"

Doc

SkylersDad said...

Normally, Paris wasn't all that attracted to Simians, but this one had a porn stache! And that's hot!

Falwless said...

Dude I cannot stop laughing at the Firecrotch of the Year picture to the right of Pistols. Damn that's funny. Nice one, Becky, nice one.

Gifted Typist said...

Moments later, the Monkey took a ride on the Paris Wheel

Alice said...

unfortunately for the monkey, he soon became one of the growing male victims of date-ape.

katrocket said...

Fresh from her public split from Benji Madden, Paris Hilton shocked event guests by showing up with new beau, Cisco Adler.

Bond said...

"If I could fit you in my purse that slobbering little dog would be history"

sista #2 said...

Can I climb your Eiffel Tower?


peace
#2

words words words said...

"As you can see in this wildlife photo, lower primates often bond by grooming each other."

Anonymous said...

The People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals kick off their "How PUTA can you be?" campaign.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Paris, being dumb, is about to have a tragic misinterpretation of the term 'jungle fever'.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

On the set of Kevin Smith's new movie, "Jay and Silent Bob Get Skanky".

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"What are the odds I'd get a tumor that looks exactly like that skank Paris Hilton?"

Tootsie said...

Can I spank your monkey?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

OMG-OMG-OMG !!Sorry I missed this one..I wanna be a firecrotch too!

I really came over here to discuss tomorrow..I can't wait.

pistols at dawn said...

I tip my hat to the winner. But you should know, Ms. Eye, that I a) rarely have any idea who these people are (plus, I used most of my make fun of Paris material up in the early aughts), b) almost never put effort into anything, and c) always disappoint women.

Plus, I still like the idea that Paris Hilton has something worse than AIDS to give the animal kingdom.

genn6 said...

congratulations doc, that's brilliant!!

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

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