Wednesday, March 18, 2009

American Idol 8 Results: 3/18/09

Ryan opens tonight's results show in his usual over-dramatic fashion, and announces that Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, and Randy Travis (none of whom are Dierks Bentley) will all perform. The idiot pit down in front is going wild, but I catch one girl in the front row who looks like she wants to die. Her expression basically says, "Oh God, I'm so exhausted from clapping and screaming for everything! Please let me rest!"

Ryan keeps referring to the possibly "shocking" results tonight, which probably means that one of the judges' favorites will end up in the Bottom 3 so that they can dangle the "save" carrot in front of them, just to yoink it away. Ryan can keep talking about that "save" all he wants, but the judges will NOT use it until they get down to the Top 6 or 7, and only on Danny or Adam. Or maybe Lil.

This week's group sing is Travis Tritt's "T-R-O-U-B-L-E," and, thankfully, they let Scott just sit and play the piano instead of making him dance around like a Longhorn Steakhouse waiter. All I can say about this performance is that I smell G-A-R-B-A-G-E. Ugh. And these contestants are the worst lip synchers EVER.

The Ford commercial sucks even more than most tonight. The kids are all having a water balloon fight while destroying OK Go's "Here It Goes Again." I feel like I'm watching a commercial for one of those horrible Kidz Bop compilations.

There must be something wrong with my cable, because I don't think I'm watching AI anymore. This must be a Lifetime movie...or maybe an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Or maybe it's the religious channel. There is a video showing all of the contestants having a love-in behind the scenes after last week's elimination. Then, Michael Sarver talks about how hard it is for him to be away from his family, and shares that his daughter asked him recently, "Daddy, why don't you want to be with me anymore?" while choking back sobs. Awwwww. And let's all cry for Megan because she has the flu! She is such a trooper!

Eegads. I guess the producers didn't think it was fair for only Gokey and Blind Guy to have sob stories. They are determined to make martyrs out of all of them. Good luck with Adam!

Danny, Lil, and Anoop are each called and all three are safe. Allison and Michael are asked to stand up together, and Ryan asks Paula which of the two should be in the Bottom 3. After much hemming and hawing, and many declarations that NO ONE should go (I guess she forgot the point of the show again), she says that "based on their critiques last night," it should be Allison. What the what?? Doesn't she remember that they gave Allison good comments last night, and Michael got a mostly lukewarm reception? Turns out, she's right, and Allison inexplicably heads for the Bottom 3. But then Michael is made to stand back up and Ryan tells him he's on the chopping block, too. Oh, that Ryan. So sneaky.

Brad Paisley (aka A Country Guy Who is NOT Dierks Bentley) performs. I go make spaghetti.

Scott, Megan, Giraud, and Kris are all safe. I guess Megan's constant fake coughing last night really won people over.

Alexis and Adam stand together, and Ryan asks Randy who will be in the bottom. (Not WHO is a bottom. I know someone was thinking it.) Randy says it will be Allison, because he has no idea which white girl is which. Ryan corrects him. Randy says it will be Alexis, and it is. Madame Glambert lives on.

Ryan lets one of the bottom dwellers off the hook, and it's Allison. As it should be. Ryan brings up the "Judges' Save" for the umpteenth time, and they say that they would consider saving one of the two left.

After the break, we get a brief retrospective of Carrie Underwood's time on Idol and her subsequent career. Then she takes the stage with Randy Travis (aka Another Country Guy Who is NOT Dierks Bentley) to sing their duet, "I Told You So." Four things:
1. Carrie's hair configuration is WEIRD. It's like some sort of poodle helmet.
2. For a duet, Randy isn't getting much mic time.
3. These two don't really sound very good together.
4. Neither one of them is Dierks Bentley, so I don't really give a damn. I have some noodles that need straining. (And no, that's not a Kara-style double entendre.)

Back to Sarver and Alexis. Sarver is proclaimed safe. The judges say that Alexis is the one that they were thinking about saving, so it will come down to her performance tonight.

Apparently, Alexis doesn't perform well under pressure because the song is tuneless and awful, and she's clearly trying to keep from crying in several spots. The most ridiculous part? The judges all huddled around by Paula's chair, pretending to discuss whether or not to keep her. THAT was comedy, folks. I mean, if you still don't think that the judges and producers have this season pretty much mapped out, then you probably believe that Bret Michaels is truly looking for love on his tour bus.

Unsurprisingly, Simon tells Alexis that she was "good, but not good enough." They don't save her. Cue the Alexis video package and the horrible Mötley Crüe cover.

You know, looking at Alexis, who's now wearing the emotionless, vacant expression of a woman defiled, I feel bad for her. She let Kara turn her into a naughty skank for nothing.

So, in conclusion...

AI, don't ever have another country night without Dierks Bentley. I implore you.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksalot.


words words words said...

It's a travesty that Alexis is leaving. And everyone's going to point the finger at Sarver, but the real problem is that the two worst singers (Megan and Blind Guy) weren't even in the bottom 3! I can understand that Blind Guy has a sob story, but what's keeping the fourth Andrews Sister on this show? I want names and addresses.

elaine said...

That was the most sadistic episode of American Idol ever. Alexis was forced to resing a song (that was presumably a bad song choice) about groveling - while groveling to the judges. It was cruel. I wish that midway through she had just thrown the mic onto the stage and declared "F*** it!" Now that would make for some good television.

Cora said...

Ooh! Thanks for the recap. I missed last night's show and I was a little pissed about that, but now I can relax and know I didn't miss anything worth seeing anyway.

And, God, this season bites! Yikes!

gizmorox said...

Dierks Bentley is smokin' hot. I only know who he is because I found CMT's version of Cribs one day while channel surfing and had to watch it to figure out who he was. He's really cool, too! Shame about the country music thing.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The fact that Alexis had to sing for her life with a lump the size of a grapefruit in her throat is a travesty in itself.

I am soo with Words here; WFT are Megan and Scott and Sarver still doing there?
Sob stories, gorgeousness,and burly likability with bad vocals do not and Idol make.
TV ratings? Yeah-but isn't that what counts here?

I love Madam Glam-she rocks da house!

Soda and Candy said...

What I learned today: Dierks Bentley is smokin' hot. Even if he is a country singer.

dguzman said...

You are truly a heroic (an heroic?) person for enduring this TV torture. Good show.

Falwless said...

I have to be one of the dumbest people on the face of the earth. It took me like 10 paragraphs to realize who the hell's picture that was spread all over this post. Jesus.

I'm not crying over Alexis going home, but I, too, agree that Sarver, Blindy McSucksuck and Megan should have been boored way before her.

I cannot stand another week of those three.

And for all those saying this is a terrible season I have to disagree. I think there is some really good competition this year and I'm more into this season than I have been the last couple.

Falwless said...

And I meant "booted," of course, not "boored."


Conservative Democrat said...

Allison is HISPANIC you idiots.

Can't y'all look at her family for crying out loud, Salvadoran descent.

Kristi Mantoni said...

I saw that girl in the front too!

You nailed Carrie's hair as a "configuration" I had no clue what to call it.

You're getting some mad PhotoShop skillz!!

Bond said...

highway robbery....

LiLu said...

Alexis is leaving? She was so cute! Oh well... I guess pink hair will only get you so far these days.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Do people have actually have to pay to be in the audience, or are they just chosen for their clap skilz?

bloody awful poetry said...

I don't know who Dierks Bentley is. But he is teh hotness.

J. Hi said...

I think Sarver or Blindy McSucksuck (as Falwless so eloquently put it) should have gone.

I was too was very Tyra unsympathetic about Megan. Loved how they said "flu" about 20 times.

Gifted Typist said...

missed last week ... question is should I watch the stuff I DVRed or just pick up with this week's fun

cube said...

Getting voted off was bad enough, but what they did to Pinky after the vote was downright cruel.

BTW your Photoshopability is getting better. So much so that my youngest saw your photo with Cabaret Adam and she squealed, "She met him?" until I burst her bubble and told her no, Beckeye photoshops herself with everybody who's anybody.


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