American Idol 8 Results: 4/8/09

When I first tuned into tonight's results show, I thought I had stumbled upon an alternate Idol universe. Paula was wearing opera gloves like it was the finale, and Randy actually said something that I completely agreed with (that last night was disappointing, overall). But then Kara's broken record started skipping on the "some people don't know who they are as artists" part, and I realized that it was the same old same old.

I started wondering why I waste my time watching this show. Sometimes I think I'll stop and use that time to do something more productive. But it's so hard to change. I began to think...if only I had a guardian angel to tell me what to do. You know, like Debbie Reynolds had in Tammy? And then he appeared! And just as I imagined - in the form of Frankie Avalon! Singing the wrong song, but I won't hold that against him.

Actually, Frankie didn't come to help me out of my Idolstential crisis. He showed up to sing "Venus" to not only an audience who largely didn't know who he was, but also to Lord Cowell as a way of reminding him that the song was released in the year he was born - 1959. Simon's turning 50 soon! Thank God. He'll go through menopause and we won't have to deal with his constant PMS anymore.

And what's worse than PMS? The group sings. This week's mangling of Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out of My Head" was particularly wretched. Somehow these kids managed to turn a dance club favorite into a funeral dirge.

Usually I hate the Ford commercials even more than the group sings, but tonight's didn't bother me too much. Mostly because, during the behind-the-scenes moments, we got to hear Scott's funny Cowell impression and see Glambert happy as a little girl to be wearing glittery makeup. The video was set to a Top 8 cover of Britney's "Circus," which instantly put sugarplum visions of Adam singing "Toxic" in my head. Oh please, oh please, oh please let it happen this season!

Finally, Ryan got to the results. He asked Adam, Kris, and Anoop to stand and let Adam off the hook first. As if anyone thought he would be in the bottom.

Let me rephrase that. No...never mind.

As I predicted, the girls saved Kris and Anoop found himself in the Bottom 3 again.

Did anyone see that guy sitting behind Pauler? The dude in the hat? Was that Season 6's very own Chrustin Richardslake™? I couldn't quite tell.

Flo Rida came out to perform and I turned right round and walked out of the room. It never ceases to amaze me what passes for entertainment these days. Jeebus, I sound old.

Ryan proclaimed Gokey safe. He looked smug. Nothing new there. Matt was also safe. Scott was sent to the Bottom 3.

It came down to Allison and Lil and....it was at about this point that I was looking for something heavy to hurl through my TV screen. Seafoam's childish attempts to fake all of the contestants out is getting really stale. Well, not "getting." It already was stale, but now there's mold growing on that shit. Can someone tell him?

Lil was the last one to be called to the Bottom 3. Woo-hoo! I got all three right. I'm like Nostradamus up in here!

Kellie "Whut's A" Pickler came back to the Idol stage just in time to remind me how much I didn't miss her. Although I'm no Kellie fan, I actually like her new single, "Best Days of Your Life," co-written and featuring backing vocals by Taylor Swift. The best part of this performance was that Kellie showed up by herself, so I didn't have to put up with Muskrat Girl. But Kellie really should have brought along 2 or 3 (or 15) backup singers to help her out, because a lot of that was pitchy, dawgs. And did she enroll in the Danny Gokey School of Singing recently? She nearly ran out of breath every time she got to the chorus, and damn near collapsed at the end of the song.

Ryan got back to the results and sent Lil back to the comfy couches first, leaving Scott and Anoop on the chopping block. Unsurprisingly, Scott was the one made to "sing for his life."

During Scott's performance, I couldn't help but laugh at Kara, who pretended like she was trying to convince Cowell to save Scott when she saw the camera was on her. Scott sounded mildly better than he did last night, but if he wanted to have any shot, he should've not gone for those high notes this time around. But he did, and they still remained well out of his reach.

Simon claimed that there were two votes for and two against Scott, so everyone wasted time and prolonged the mock-drama until Simon finally just said they wouldn't be saving Scott. He didn't seem that broken up about it. Then Seacrest turned Scott around to watch his farewell video package, as if he could see it. *sigh*

Even though I wasn't a fan of his singing, I do like Scott and I wish him well. He's a nice guy with a good sense of humor. I think I might even miss him. And I know I'll miss his hot brother.


Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksalot.