Thursday, July 09, 2009

Bitch, Please? More Like Please Tell That Bitch Not to Be So Dead-on Balls Accurate

So, I meant to post this a while back when it first appeared on SNL, but forgot about it. At least I tried to forget about it. But then I recently mentioned this Weekend Update skit in a comment I left for Soda and Candy, who said she had never seen it. I figured that there might be more of you out there who were missing out, so I'm finally getting around to sharing it with y'all.

This is a celebrity blogger character created by new cast member, Michaela Watkins. I still don't know whether to be embarrassed by how right on this is, or flattered that much funnier people find idiots like myself parody-worthy.

(Canadians: Don't even try it. Hulu hates you. I'm sorry.)

I would like to clear up a few things, though. There are a few differences between me and "Angie Tempura."

1. I do not have a perpetually stuffy nose. (She's like the Lisa Loopner of the new millennium.)
2. I do not drink iced coffee. I would move to Iceland if it meant I never had to see or smell coffee ever again. Bitch, please!!
3. I do not write stupid captions on my photos like Perez "Violence is never the answer" Hilton. I AM A PHOTOSHOP GENIUS, DAMMIT!!
4. I have slightly nicer hair. And that is the first time I've ever said that.
5. I totally would not have reacted that way to Zac Efron. I mean, she didn't even try to dry hump him. What the eff is wrong with her?


Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm sure this video, which is evidently only suitable for people in America, is hilarious. But not hilarious enough to allow across the border, evidently.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

HULU can eff off. I can't view it in Canada. I'm now going to sulk.

Oh ha, I just saw Barbara's comment. Right on. Fucking Hulu.

katrocket said...

Being Canadian and all, thank goodness I own a TV (most of us don't!) so I've seen that skit before and it gave me the shame giggles.

You are a Photoshop Goddess - that new pic of you and Glambert in the sidebar is DELICIOUS!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Hulu's not the only one!

I mean, um...hi, Canada. How are...the...loons?

*backs away slowly and runs out of the room*

Billy said...

Very happy you shared that! Not only was I introduced to a funny character, but I got to see a conflict involving Americans and Canadians that didn't involve the words "health" and "care."

SkylersDad said...

That was worth every single second, unlike so many SNL skits these days.

words...words...words... said...

Don't worry, you're not like her at all.

You're much more like Aunt Linda.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Biiiiiitch Pleeeeese! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

LOVE THAT!! Becks you are the best!

Zack what the eff are you on???

Those are both now permanent parts of my every day vernacular.
Biiiitch please, I have to go now because I need to stop off at Pottery Barn after my tennis lesson.


Soda and Candy said...

Nuts, I commented before and the internet ate it.

I will have to try to watch this at home!

rebecca said...

I found your blog thru Cormac's and so glad I did!!! OMG you are freakin' hilarious! I live in the U.S. don't watch SNL (can you believe?) But this skit was funny as hell. Bitch please!

And, Glambert on your sidebar giving you a wet one....oh, yeah!

Will be back for sure!

red said...

I love this. She makes me laugh very hard. Biiiich please...

CDP said...

I LOVE Angie Tempura. I cannot even say the words "bitch, please" with a straight face.

Blanche said...

Bitch please, we don't play tennis in Ct we do Lacrosse! Pottery Barn Smottery Barn, we're all about crate and barrel.

Some Guy said...

Jeez, you get a fancy new job as a writer for SNL and you don't even tell us!? Nice. Real nice.

Soda and Candy said...

"I haven't seen them."

Gold. Yes, I JUST managed to watch it, although apparently Georgia is half Canadian because it was slow as hell. Or maybe my computer's a piece of shit. Y'know, whatevs.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I just saw that rerun a couple of weeks ago! I freaking loved it. Especially the part about the Haunting in Connecticut. "What's so scary about Connecticut? Did you lose your tennis racket?" Hahahah.

cube said...

The video crapped out at 1:44 and I'm not even from Canada.

BTW I don't know you, but I think you write funnier than Ms. Tempura. Bitch, puhleeze!

Moxie said...

That was awesome! People generally laugh whenever you say "bitches" or "bitch, please" at the end of a sentence. Do not ask me how I know this.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine