Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Guide to Understanding Kristen Stewart

Lately, I've heard a lot of people* talking about how difficult it is to read Kristen Stewart. You see, there is a common misconception that she is only capable of one facial expression. Well, I'm here to tell you that this is absolutely untrue. I think it's sad that this dynamic and exciting young actress is so misunderstood, therefore, I would like to provide you all with a handy visual guide of Ms. Stewart's emotions. Feel free to print this out and carry it with you, so that you may refer to it when needed.

HAPPY

REALLY HAPPY

AMUSED

ANNOYED

SAD

CONFUSED

TIRED

REALLY TIRED

CURIOUS

INDIFFERENT

BLONDE**
JOAN JETT-Y


I hope this helps.


*Of course, it's possible that I'm just remembering a conversation I had with myself.

**For those of you who don't think "blonde" is an emotion, well, you clearly know nothing about celebrities.

24 comments:

LoraLoo said...

LMAO... that was gooooood. She apparently only shows that face in her movies, too. I saw Twilight, and well, I was underwhelmed (although I did read the series, and enjoyed it).

words...words...words... said...

I had such high hopes for her after she was so striking and so promising in Panic Room. I'm not giving up on her yet.

Knot said...

I hear she's working on a new look "Tigre" like Zoolander.

She's hot, and I like chicks who don't show a lot of emotion. Other than that, not too impressed.

Billy said...

On the other hand, there's Kathy Griffin, whose every emotion you can read immediately even though you don't really want to...

Kristen is like the female version of the mysterious and impenetrable biker dude. James Dean or something. Ugh, it's too early for coherent thought.

SkylersDad said...

I believe you may have mistaken Throes of ecstasy for Curious, but other than that, spot on!

Dr Zibbs said...

Well done!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hahahahahaha! Awesome stuff. For the record she's been annoying the HELL out of me lately with her one expression - "bitch". I'm sure she's lovely and all but she just pisses me off to the extreme and I can't even tell you exactly why. Like Words said, she was great in Panic Room. Now every time I see her I get the urge to bitch slap her.

Happy Villain said...

I've thought it's amusing that she always seems to have that searing look, like a hemorrhoid is bothering her. It's as if she feels like she is still auditioning for the part everywhere she goes.

"I must look like an angsty teen, attracted to the ultimate goth, emo guy, even though I'm just going grocery shopping. Wouldn't want to lose the part by being real."

Grant Miller said...

Very funny.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Haha. That was brilliant.

red said...

This girl has range!

Bond said...

Now I can sleep at night..thanks

Shelly said...

HAHAHA! Brilliant. Now I see that I've underestimated her.

Chancelucky said...

My wife still has not forgiven me for renting Twilight.

Gwen said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

That is all.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahaha, brilliant. about half of those could also be categorized as "drunkface". I'm pretty sure that's a legitimate emotion.

Suze said...

She's like a freakin' mime!

Cormac Brown said...

Heh-heh-heh...

And seriously, this is the woman they chose to play Joan Jett in The Runaways biopic???

LiLu said...

AHAHAHAHA!!! Excuse me while I send this to everyone I know.

Especially the blondes.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

This is enormously helpful, thanks. I am now going to go out to see Twilight, because I am prepared.

cube said...

Both of my teen daughters thought this was spot on funny. They have way more experience with this Kristen girl than I do.

Alice said...

AAHAHAHAAAAA. you know, i thought she only had one expression too, and this TOTALLY PROVES me wrong. hopefully you get a thank you letter from ms. stewart.

catherinette said...

This is comedy gold! COMEDY GOLD!!

Penny said...

I laughed out loud!!!
This was Amazing!
Have I told you lately that I love you?? ha ha

 

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