It's only fitting that the force that will one day unravel the entire fabric of the universe would have flaunted her destructive powers at last night's Miss Universe Pageant. Of course, not even I realized just how evil Heidi Montag was until she showed up in a TJ Maxx flesh suit and proceeded to set music back by 300 years by joylessly plodding around to a beat no one else could hear, crushing Alison Moyet's soul, and making anyone unlucky enough to be watching wish for the sweet, sweet relief of swift death.
No, I don't watch the Miss Universe Pageant. I was dumb enough to watch this shit on YouTube. And now I'm sharing it with you. Because if I can't enjoy life anymore, none of you can!! Of course, there's a chance you won't press play...provided your name is Jesus Christ. He is the only one strong enough to resist such darkness.
Hey, while we're waiting for those four horsemen, why not check out Britney's 2007 VMA performance again? It's like a blinding light from Heaven compared to the Hell we just witnessed, isn't it? Oh, Brit. Forgive us for crucifying you back then. We knew not what we were doing.
No, I don't watch the Miss Universe Pageant. I was dumb enough to watch this shit on YouTube. And now I'm sharing it with you. Because if I can't enjoy life anymore, none of you can!! Of course, there's a chance you won't press play...provided your name is Jesus Christ. He is the only one strong enough to resist such darkness.
Hey, while we're waiting for those four horsemen, why not check out Britney's 2007 VMA performance again? It's like a blinding light from Heaven compared to the Hell we just witnessed, isn't it? Oh, Brit. Forgive us for crucifying you back then. We knew not what we were doing.
Comments
Wretched.
My eyes are burning!
Did she at some point one-up Jessica Simpson by calling pork "chicken of the mud" or something?
Heidi is that rare moment when I'm kind of proud to be out of the pop culture loop. Britney? That's a loop we all love bein' in. ;-)
i just have ZERO interest in this kind of stuff. If i want to watch half-naked chicks, i'll just go for it and watch porn..
I just saw that last night and it made me want to vomit into my own hair.
My question to you: Who listens to her? Who watches her on telly?
And who cares??? She is everywhere!! Arrrgggggghhh..
I don't even think she was singing, not that Brit does either live, but still!!
I do love me some Britney, pure pop amazing-ness, just for the record. Heidi..Not so much.
<3
It made me sort of sad. In addition to being the wrong gender and age, I'm now also too short to be Miss Universe....