Wednesday, January 27, 2010

American Idol 9: Sight Unseen

I know that many of you heavily rely on me to tell you what happens on this crapfest every week, but I think I've had just about enough of the auditions. I, once again, opted for pub trivia last night and I'm going to be missing tonight's show because I'll be reviewing the Norah Jones concert in Brooklyn. Any of you who are really upset about this turn of events might want to get together and raise some money for my DVR fund. I'm needy!

I suppose I could catch up by watching the videos on MJ's Big Blog, but I'm honestly not that interested. I can pretty much tell you what happened last night and what will happen tonight. Consider this the audition template:

  • The judges try to act surprised when faced with several crazy people who can't sing
  • Two or three people with sob stories of varying degrees get shitloads of screen time and golden tickets
  • The judges rave over a handful of pretty/slutty girls with average voices
  • Kara swoons over a handful of heavily-gelled guys who sound like every other inoffensive pop crooner on the radio
  • One complete clown is offered up to make everyone laugh
  • One complete nutcase is offered up to try to inject some drama into the show
  • Simon rubs his nipples
  • Randy makes up imaginary percentages
  • Kara makes everyone want to kick her in the face
  • The guest judge just sits there being useless (Although from what I've heard this only applied to Avril Lavigne on Day 1. Apparently, Katy Perry took over on Day 2 and was feisty, awesome, and threatened to throw her Coke in Kara's face. That's close enough to a kick for me to love it.)
Of course, I did happen to catch one clip online of an Adam Lambert clone. They haven't really shown any this season, but apparently there have been quite a few. This one is pretty ridonk, but I didn't even care about HIM. It was someone else shown during the preceding montage who caught my eye.

Check out the guy at :21 who says he's the love child of Susan Boyle and Glambert. IT'S TOTALLY DANIEL FRANCO FROM PROJECT RUNWAY (seasons 1 and 2)!! I guess now there is finally an answer to Santino and Nick's musical question...

So, is that a step up or down on the reality TV ladder? I guess it all depends on your point of view.


red said...

Apparently, Katy Perry derisively called Kara "sweetheart" which is just about the best thing ever.

cube said...

I didn't watch it, but my daughter said Katy Perry told Kara to stop singing or she would throw her coke in her face. That I would've enjoyed seeing.

Bond said...

Kara told one freak that he had a great story and Katy said 'this is a singing competition, not a Lifetime movie...everyone has a great story'

Reading some articles, some people are thinking maybe Katy will take Simon's place...

carissajaded said...

Oh I am so glad that I have you to count on. I "listened" last night while my roomies were watching, but I couldn't bare to turn around and watch. I DID hear one of my favorite little bands "Other Lives" playing in the back ground of one of the sob stories. And then I found out that American Idol hadn't gotten permission to use it... so that was interesting.

Falwless said...

I am still pretty clueless as to why everyone hates Kara so much. I don't think she's that offensive. Perhaps I'm not paying close enough attention.

So, dude, Becks, du-hu-hude. Let me tell ya, girl. At the very, very end of the show, when they announce, "...[such and such] got a golden ticket, along with twelve* other hopefuls on day two in Los Angeles..." there was a seriously smokin' hot guy. He renames nameless as of right now, but not faceless, as I may or may not have rewound my DVR four or twelve times to really burn his sexy likeness into my retinas. Oh dear me. He was wearing an army-green colored long sleeve shirt and jeans. No idea who he is, but come Hollywood week you'd better believe my eyes are peeled!

Just thought I'd officially call dibs on John Doe.

There. Done.

* I dunno how many. Who cares.

Word ver is "faving." Apropos!

Falwless said...

He renames nameless ? Hahaha. Uh, "remains," that should state. Remains. Gaht damn it.

Word ver is "retrign." I be officially retrign this comment. Yet again, weirdly apropos.

Penny said...

hahahahah..yeah, it was probably just that.
I don't blame you. I'm over the auditions. Over it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Kara and Katy Perry were a total sideshow. Kara wanted to kill her and I kinda did too.

The best was freakin creepy guy. The one who said "they enjoyed every inch of this".
The best was at the end when he creeped Ryan out so bad Ryan ran to his bodyguard's aid.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I couldn't stand it after about 5 minutes or so, and remembered that my obsession with NCIS was on another channel. You'll be happy to know that Tony and Ziva are finally getting it on.

Alice said...

seriously, even the FAKE recaps are better than watching the show. i approve!

michael gilchrist said...

I think Avril Lavigne was annoying and offered very little constructive criticism. Katy Perry was engaging and the female version of Simon Cowell. The show has had a great cast of characters so far in the audition process, and its becoming must see tv.

dmarks said...

And I still haven't watched it.

I just found an awful pic of Nic Cage, and put it on my blog. I wonder if anyone has seen that before.

words...words...words... said...

I haven't watched it, but if any of this is true, then Katy Perry is even hotter than I thought she was.

GothicBttrfly said...

I tried to sit through Tuesday, but I am so over the auditions. My 8 year old asked why they have so many audition shows, is he right? Are there more every year? I did get to see Katy talk shit to Kara, that was entertaining.

Cora said...

The only contestant I liked this week was the ex-"Barney and Friends" chick with the whip.

I'm pretty sure this doesn't bode well.

Scott said...

Avril was a guest judge? Wow. I like her but even I think that seems like scraping the bottom of the barrel.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine