Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

One Hundred People Like Me - Over the last few days, right when I started to forget that I had a blog, I hit the 100 Followers mark. Amazing. It really did give me a tingle, mostly because I love nice, round, firm numbers. Of course, now that I've said this, five of you will probably decide to bail.

One Hundred People Like Jay Leno - And yet, he's been re-gifted The Tonight Show. Perhaps my dream to become the Queen of Late Night is not really that far out of reach. (By the way, Conan's last show? Gingeriffic.)

Brangelina Split Up..bup-bup..They're Still Together - On Saturday, the Internetz nearly broke when the news about Brad and Ang breaking up hit the Webwaves. I even got to create a list of reasons WHY the Brangelinic entity split back into two separate parts, but then Perez Hilton and a bunch of other unnamed sources tried to make all my pointless speculation, well...pointless, by fiercely insisting that the couple is still very much together. I don't buy it though. Come on, she doesn't want to kiss that skanky beard anymore and he's about ready to call the people from Hoarders on her compulsive adopting ass.

John Edwards: The Next Tommy Lee - Gawker recently reported that John Edwards and his baby mama Rielle Hunter made a dirty, dirty sex tape (er, DVD) that reveals the former Presidential candidate's Johnson is more Lincoln-sized. I'm not sure how much farther this jackhole can fall, but I'm sure that reality TV will be there to catch him.

Internetz Goez Bananaz For New Gorillaz Song - Well, it DID leak and then when everyone went ape-shit, Gorillaz officially put it up on their website and YouTube channel. The song ("Stylo," featuring Bobby Womack and Mos Def) is a bit repetitive, but it's got a great groove. I'm pretty excited to hear the whole record (Plastic Beach is due out in March) because Damon Albarn has said that it's going to be the "poppiest" one yet. Hopefully people (snobs) will one day realize that "pop" is not a dirty word.

LiLo Wants Her Money, Bitch - After all these years of playing a crack whore, Lindsay Lohan is finally gonna see some real whore money. (Well, Pretty Woman whore money, anyway.) Some dirty old Eurotrash man is paying her to be his date for February's Vienna Opera Ball. Apparently, he takes a different celebutard every year: his past dates have included Nicolette Sheridan and Paris Hilton. Perhaps she could just ask to be paid in crack and razor blades (the better to cut herself with, my dears) and save everyone some time.

General Larry Platt Wants His Money, Bitch - Since Larry Platt debuted his original tune, "Pants on the Ground" on American Idol, everyone has been singing it, creating mashups, and just generally using it for their own pleasure. Larry hasn't seen a dime during all of this, so naturally he's hired a lawyer to help him cash in on the craze he created. But now there come reports that maybe the song isn't really Larry's! Two Michigan-based unknowns, The Green Brothers, claim that Larry basically just stole their copyrighted song, "Back Pockets on the Floor." It is pretty similar...it's kind of a stream-of-consciousness rant against hip hop fashion by an elderly dude. I'd hate to think that Larry is really a thief, but it's pretty suspicious. Or maybe all old dudes think alike?

Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout, Bitch? - Gary Coleman was arrested on Sunday in Utah. Cops were initially called to his home for a "domestic disturbance," which they found no evidence of, but did discover that he had an outstanding "failure to appear" warrant from an unrelated incident. And, oh who cares what he was arrested for. The most important thing is this: BEST. MUGSHOT. EVER.


dguzman said...

Turn to the right, Arnold.


Ed Adams said...

Congrats on the 100.

Now I'm thinking of bailing.

Some Guy said...

Yikes! Those are some frightening eyes. The days of being an angel in the outfield are clearly over for him.

Anonymous said...

I remember when that old dude took Paris Hilton to the ball. My theory is that as he only takes whorish actresses to the ball and pays big, that accompanying him to the ball isn't the ONLY item in their job description if you know what I mean?

Also, I thought you'd been absent a few days because Travolta has a movie out. I've seen trailers of him looking bald, chubby and sporting large weapons. I'm sure you're orgasmic.

carissajaded said...

Oh Gary Coleman, I really don't think he could have ever hit someone in the face. But regardless, yay for your 100 followers!! you deserve it- you are awesome! I won't bail!

words...words...words... said...

Wow, Arnold is going to fuck Gordon Jump up.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on hitting 100! And that is BY FAR the best mug shot EVER!!!!

I never would have seen this coming back when he had a rich daddy......

Candy's daily Dandy said...

that pic of Gary coleman is waaaay disturbing.

Evil Genius said...

1. I hate you for posting the Gary Coleman thing. When I heard about that my first thought was "Oh, I gotta post about that." Immediately followed by my second thought, "Shit! There is no way BeckEye doesn't have that up already." Sho 'nuff.

2. As retribution for this, I am now following your blog. 101 is not a nice round number, but it is a good Depeche Mode album.

3. I feel that when you say "people (snobs)" you mean me specifically don't you?

4. I have created EG 666 based entirely on your recommendation.

Penny said...

oooooooooo I didn't know about the Gorrillaz leakage...I need to research this. They make some pretty radical tunes :)

Congrats on 100!

Cormac Brown said...

Congrats on the deserved one hundred!

Jeez, for an alleged millionaire, you'd think that Richard Lugner could afford a better wig.

Oh, oh, and do you know what he could sing to LiLo???

Parents on the ground
Parents on the ground
Lookin' like a fool, with your parents on the ground
With straws in their noses
Boooze bottles turned sideways
Parents hit the ground

red said...

Me gusta your YourTango list. Man, Angelina seems like a bitch!

Bond said...

We both jumped on the Coleman picture

What??? No commenting today on the Perry/DioGuardi cat fights last night?

Come on girl...youze be slipping as far as the pants in Larry Platt's song (well maybe his song!)

SkylersDad said...

Gary Coleman haunts me in my nightmares now, thanks for that.

Soda and Candy said...

Ah Lilo, it was just a matter of time before you turned into a literal whore.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Thank God for you, Beckeye. I had no idea that Brangelina severed...er...separated...from itself...but not...



bearockr said...

You truly deserve the 100 follower mark Becky, even more I say ! Congrats !


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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