Saturday, September 04, 2010

Rating The Big Auto Insurance Companies

Are you a car owner looking for a helpful comparison of the major auto insurance companies? Well, you came to the right place!

Oh, unless you want to know about rates, features, customer service and boring stuff like that. But why would you care about that? The truth is, car insurance companies are only as good as their spokespeople and/or mascots. That's just a proven fact. Really. Read a newspaper once in a while. Sheesh.

So, with this in mind, here are the 2010 Pop Eye Ratings for the major U.S. auto insurance companies, solely based on their advertising appeal. Feel free to print this out and use it as a guide when insurance shopping.

AllstateBDennis Haysbert

Much like James Earl Jones, people trust Dennis because he's got a kind face and a deep voice. They also trust him because he played the president on 24. I trust him because he was the guy who worshipped Jobu in Major League. Jobu never fails.

Speaking of never failing, how can you go wrong with the adorable and funny Dean Winter? He can be the tree branch that falls on my car any day. (Well, maybe...I have Erie Insurance and they don't seem to have ANY commercials, which, according to this ranking system, means they suck.)
AmicaFNoneOh sure, they're the top-rated insurance company according to J.D. Power, but their commercials are horribly boring. If you think about one of their ads while driving, you will fall asleep at the wheel. Seriously, try getting through Jordan's Story without wanting to drive off a cliff.
Erin Esurance

Techies & Feelies
The former Esurance mascot was this pink-haired Kim Possible knockoff, of which I never really had an opinion, good or bad.

The newest spokespeople are a bunch of office drones who try to be funny but fail miserably. Judging from most of the YouTube comments on the Meet The Saver commercial, I'm not the only one who hates them. However, unlike most of those YouTubers, my feelings for these actors don't land squarely in the racist, violent or sexually deviant realms.

The Gecko
The Cavemen commercials were fairly dumb (although there were a few that made me laugh) and became so overexposed that I started to hate them. As for Kash, the googly-eyed pile of money, most people seem to think it's stupid, but I always kind of liked it.

However, Geico could create an ad campaign featuring inbred hillbilly heroin junkies who strangle cats, and they wouldn't be able to destroy the great image they've created with The Gecko. I can't overstate how much I love that gecko. I spend inordinate amounts of time sitting around, thinking about how much I wish he was real...and that he's my best friend...and that we frequently picnic by the lake, where we chat about our days, sing '80s songs and laugh about nothing in particular. Any company responsible for something this wonderful gets an A. (It's worth noting that Geico used to be my insurance company. I have nothing bad to say about them; Erie is just cheaper for me at this point. I'm sure my pal, the gecko, understands.)
The World's Greatest Spokesperson in the World
This guy is at the top of my "People I Would Punch in the Face Immediately Upon Meeting" list. Every time I see that commercial where he goes, "Guys, I just GAGGED," I'm like, Please let him choke to death...please please please.
Some people think Flo's hilarious and some people put her in the same category as that Nationwide prick. And there are a bunch of guys who want to have sex with her. I don't think she's worthy of any kind of strong feeling one way or another. She's just there. I do like the commercial with Pickles, though.
Safe Auto
Justin Case
This is so lame, but I have SUCH a crush on Justin Case. For one thing, I'm a sucker for a punny name. I also have a thing for slightly nerdy guys with dark hair who vaguely resemble Jason London. The only reason I didn't give Safe Auto an A is because of that unfortunate commercial in which Justin tries to dance like Michael Jackson alongside Lady Rerun. I'm so embarrassed for him every time I see it.
State Farm
Random Douche
I've asked around, and it seems that no one finds this spokesman (actor Eddie Matos) quite as annoying as I do. To me, he just comes off as a Ferris Bueller wannabe. I can't believe a panel of executives actually thought this squinty bastard was the least bit charming or capable of selling anything.
Travelers seems to have everything going against it: only an average rating from J.D. Power and no cute and/or funny spokesperson to speak of. BUT they get high marks for having several fantastic commercials, including Prized Possession, which follows the trials and tribulations of an adorable dog trying to hide his bone. Other great ads are: Rattlesnake, Rabbit Foot, Drifters and Red Umbrella Man.

EDIT: Ed pointed out that I forgot to mention another of Geico's spokesmen, the Rod Serling-esque guy (whom I've finally confirmed is, in fact, Mike McGlone from The Brothers McMullen) with all the rhetorical questions. I think about half of those commercials are funny, but the Piggy one totally makes up for any lame ones in the campaign. I love that little piggy almost as much as the gecko. ALMOST. Geico deserves its A for coming up with a lot of great commercials over the years, including Tiny House, Cabbage Patch Kid, Hair Loss, and the one with Don LaFontaine.

Can Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance?

Is being named the winner of BeckEye's caption contest the highest honor in the entire Blogosphere?


SkylersDad said...

This is a great comparison of commercials, and I really think I may have to switch based only upon this post. Commercials rule my life, and I am sad that way.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

It bugs me that Jason "Mayhem" Miller, MMA fighter and star of MTV's "Bully Beatdown" did not get that role. He's one of the greatest personalities in the sport, and he even does stand up comedy. Just for that, I'm sticking with State Farm.

dmarks said...

I was never impressed by the Travellers giant umbrella. Never seen the dog one.

Ed said...

This is awesome.

Forgot one though. Those Geico ads with the guy saying "Does Elmer Fudd have trouble with the letter R?"

He's supposed to look like someone from an old TV show that I can remember.

Boonie S said...

Hit-and-run is heavily favoured over here. It negates the need for insurance thus saving hours of watching trite adverts.

Have a nice day, Boonie

J.J. in L.A. said...

Honestly? I dislike all of them, except for the 'Rod Serling' Geico commercials (yes, even the Gecko).

But I heart the piggy! Weeeeeeeeeee!!! The Abe Lincoln one where his wife asks if her backside "looks big in this dress" is funny too.

Honorable "hate so much I want to tear my eyes out/ears off" mentions go to Flo and Mayhem. Althugh, the girl in the parking lot who just found out the guy she likes kissed another girl is kinda cute.

McGone said...

It's a good thing State Farm has their floppy-haired spokesperson covered, because I would love to take a shovel to his head. I actually googled "I hate the State Farm guy" and got quite a few results.

And really, Justin Case? Crush-worthy? For shame, my friend. For. Shame.

words...words...words... said...

I am one of those guys that wants to have sex with Flo. And probably Erin Esurance, too.

Also, those Rod Serling Geico commercials are annoying because they did such a terrible job of syncing the actor's lips with the voice of whoever is speaking.

Rick said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog :) I'm sorry your crush snapped your pencil in half- that's cruel - but look how it panned out - the tip was wrong - i think as a kid you tend to pick on the girl you have a crush on! Thanks again for stopping by and happy to be following yours!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I hate that effing cocky gecko. He's tries so hard to be an affable little guy but is really a nasty little shit. All that cockney posing and passive aggressiveness. I much preferred the cavemen and their snide sarcasm. I mean at least you KNEW that THEY hated you. :)

PS that skinny pink haired harlot in the esurance ads needs a pointy boot up her derriere. That is all. The prosecution rests.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what is up with that squinty bastard from State Farm? Could you imagine if he mated with Rene Zellwigger? Forget circumcision, their pediatrician would probably have to cut the skin flaps covering the kid's eyeballs just so he could see.

Jay Amabile said...

Holy CRAP Erin Esurance gets an F? wha? I love Geico commercials more than actual TV programming but Erin Esurance has got a thing. Maybe if they got a real girl to play her...who is obviously cute with pink hair, and has a sarcastic wit about her? No? lol. ok.

BeckEye said...

Jay - No, Esurance got a D overall. I was neutral on Erin, but it was the new "Techie and Feelie" campaign that brought their score way down.

Perplexio said...

I hated the Erin E-Surance commercials. I thought they were downright stupid... A cartoon to advertise auto insurance?

Last I checked the target audience for auto insurance and the target audience for cartoons are somewhat mutually exclusive of each other...

I think Geico has the best ads, although the new AllState Mayhem ads are a rising star in my book. But I'm not a fan of the Gecko ads... In fact I'm waiting for the day for the Gecko to be crossing the street and the Cavemen, distracted by a sign for Geico, run a red light and turn the Gecko into a pancake followed by an "Did I do that?!"

Oh and I dig, "Flo" (real name Stephanie Courtney). I enjoy her quirky off-beat sense of humor.

Lou said...

I have a 21-month-old grandson that absolutely freezes when progressive Flo comes on the television. I think he has his first crush.


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