Tuesday, January 11, 2011

An Area In Which My Punning Ability Proves Useful

Yesterday, in one of my Battle of the Netflix Stars posts, I gave a brief synopsis/review of Whip It, the Drew Barrymore-directed film about a young girl who joins a roller derby team. What I didn't mention was that this very enjoyable film reawakened my own on and off fantasies of being a derby girl.

For now, I've decided that once I get back into shape (which I'm working on now), I will at least try out for the local league. I'm not sure how far I'm willing to take this pipe dream, though. Although I love skating, I wonder about the physcial aspects of it. I'm not a "tough chick." Sure, maybe those years spent living in New York toughened me up mentally, but not physically. I've never broken any part of my body (KNOCK ON WOOD), unless you count a hairline fracture in my pinky finger. I've never been in a fist fight, unless you count the one with my Dad's girlfriend's daughter when I was eight years old, and there were literally two punches thrown in that "fight." She hit me and I hit her, and it was over. And not because I knocked her out, but because she totally wasn't expecting me to hit her back and she immediately worried that I'd get her in trouble with her Mom. Sooooo...I don't know if I could handle being clotheslined or elbowed in the face.

But I've decided to save those worries for another day. Like try-out day. At this point in the plan, it's all about coming up with a good nickname. You can help. I'm not necessarily looking to put this to a vote, but I'm interested in your feedback on my possible monikers. These are the ones I've come up with so far. Some are based on pop culture and others are just takes on my own name (and Scope deserves partial credit for the last two):

  • Pearl Slam (this is my current favorite, for obvious reasons)
  • Tina Slay
  • Lucille Brawl
  • Erin Go Brawl
  • Rachael Rage
  • Betty Krueger
  • Bruise-Ann Somers
  • Eve McQueen
  • Veronica Ache
  • Sandra Bullet
  • Bully Andrews
  • Becky Bruiser
  • Rebecca the Wrecka
  • Rebeccatasrophe
  • Eva Knievel
  • Helena Handbasket
Which of these broads would strike the most fear into you?


Scope said...

"Rebecca the Wrecka"! You don't even need to go derby to use that as a nickname.

Hatem O'Neal
Juana Rumble

cube said...

The foodie in me wants to pick Rachael Rage. Eve McQueen has a nice ring to it even though I was never a fan of Steve's movies except for The Blob.

I thought female roller derby was cool back in the late '70s when it came on TV. Early reality TV. I loved watching it.

I grew up in Manhattan and got into many fights in my day. Once, a boy wouldn't leave us alone to jump rope, so I whipped him across the face with the plastic rope. He came back with a board with nails on it.

*Here you can cue in the fight theme from Star Trek: Pon Farr*

He was coming at me with the board while I fought him off with the rope.

It was an epic fight. Not my first and not my last.

Eventually, some dad grabbed the boy from behind and took the board with nails away from him.

Surprisingly, neither one of us got into any trouble at all. I guess that dates me as a dinosaur. No way I could even think of going into roller derby now... but there was a time.

Heather said...

Bruise-Ann Somers is giggle inducing. Don't pick that one.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I like Pearl and Lucille but I think I'm gonna have to go with Rebecca the Wrecka. It's got a nice ring to it.

Zed said...

I like the name Erin Go Brawl, but it's probably too nice a name for the sport.

You need to put fear in your opponents. Maybe you should call yourself Iron Monster with Knives or Killer Girl/Two Deaths. Otherwise, you'll be turned into mush. A big ol' pile of mush.

Madam Z said...

I like Rebecca the Wrecka, but it's too long. Becky Bruiser gets right to the point.

SkylersDad said...

I pretty much love Bruise-Ann Somers!

Nice Girls In Coffee Shops said...

I like Rebecca the Wrecka also. This post made me smile today, I really hope you do it! My friends in Roller Derby found that it was a great way to get into shape, and they said that it just brought the tough girl out in them. I am afraid to do it because I don't think I'd be tough enough but they say it comes. I did get to be a part of the naming process once - my friend who was the referee ended up with "Jeffrey DomN8Her". My contribution to the game was sewing that famous moniker onto his ref shirt. Anyways, good luck!

Lou said...

Great post!

How about "Killer E. Clinton" ?

Too much of a stretch?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's a toss up between Pearl Slam and Rebecca the Wrecka.

Now get that video cam out and show us some of your best moves.

Flannery Alden said...

I'm with Skyler's Dad...

How about Xana Don't?

Cormac Brown said...

"Erin Go Brawl" is a brilliant homage to your heritage, but sounds to similar to Current TV Rotten Tomatoes' "Erin Sock-a-bitch."

Yeah, Lucille Brawl.

Sandy said...

I had no idea there was a sport where girls on roller skates knocked the bozonkers out of each other. You have opened up a whole new world of entertainment for me. Thank you!

As for the name, Veronica Ache strikes me as the most fearsome as the rest promise pain that doesn't last very long, but an ache can last forever.

Just in case you are open to names that are not in your list, how about Tina Torture?

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Becky Thrasher? Like Thatcher? Get it?

There's a Roller Derby name generator site out there somewhere.

It's always been kind of a dream of mine too, but I think I may be delusional about my level of fiestiness.

Malcolm said...

Bruise-Ann Somers gets my vote. I can picture you concealing something sinister in one of those side ponytails!

Cora said...

Bruise-Ann Somers!! It's both clever and menacing, I say go with that.

The fearless rollerskating-obsessed ten year old I once was is thrilled beyond words at this derby plan of yours, by the way. You're going to be living my 5th grade ultimate dream, Beckeye! Awesome! I sooo wanna see pictures. :-)


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