American Idol 10: Go To Your Rooms, Children

In the final night of Hollywood week, the cast of way-too-many gets cut down to 50. Each of the remaining contestants performs, with the option to have the backing band and/or their own instruments or perform a capella. Because I'm super tired, I'm not going to bother listing the auditions in order. Time to knock this out Good/Bad/Ugly style!

THE GOOD

Ashthon Jones - Yeah, she has a superfluous H in her name, but at least it's not apostrophed. (I'm looking at you, Asia'h Epp'e'r'son.) Ashthon blows the diva classic "And I Am Telling You" out da box, much to everyone's delight. You go, Little Miss Sassy Britches.

Kendra Chantelle and Sophia Shorai - One of them will probably end up getting cut because they seem awfully similar, but they both did really well with "Georgia on My Mind."

Carson Higgins - I LOVE this kid. He's just kind of yelling, but oh my God, he's so much fun to watch. He busts out Bobby B's "My Prerogative," much to the chagrin of Chris Medina. (More on him later.)

Casey Abrams - The bluesy redhead shows up and rocks a STAND UP BASS, people. For that, I rise and give a slow clap.

Caleb Hawley - Remember how much more fun my recaps were when I was waist-deep in Michael Johns-based drool? Well, I decided that I needed a new obsession—and Caleb is it. He's already got one up on that Johns guy because I think I once (or twice) tweeted at MJ and got no response. But I merely tweeted about Caleb (you know, that I was considering him for my new object of lust), and he not only nicely answered my bird call, but followed me. So, there's that. There's also the sexy, soulful voice. And then we have THE HAIR. My God, that hair. Not to mention that he looks like the missing link between Paul Rudd and Patrick Dempsey (with Eddie Vedder's hair). And yeah, he's married but that's OK. Obsessing over straight single guys is boring.

Brett Lowenstern - Little Red doesn't really have the greatest voice I've ever heard, but I can't help but like him.

Jacqueline Dunford - Surprised? Well, she's only in this category because she's not singing. In fact, I'll never have to hear her sing again! She claims to be sick (read: Nick kept calling and threatening to kill himself if she didn't come home to him) and drops out of the competition.

Jacob Lusk - This is kind of an ironic choice for "The Good," as I enjoy Jacob's performance in the same way I might enjoy a drag revue. Seriously, AI, get this guy into hair and makeup, stat.

THE MEH

Julie Zorrilla - Yeah, yeah. Pretty girl, good singer, plays keyboards, works the refugee angle, wears stupid dresses. I can't decide if I like her or not. But finding out that she went to the prom with Casey Abrams is a point in her favor. Maybe she's not just a pretty plastic princess.

Clint Jun Gamboa - Again, not sure how I feel about this one. Clint can definitely sing, but I can't shake the feeling that he's going to go into full-on bitchy queen mode very soon.

Robbie (Arjewleta) Rosen - I forget what he's singing because I'm too busy wondering which is bigger: his nose or mouth. But he's a nice, inoffensive scoop of vanilla.

Chelsee Oaks - She does a pretty weak version of "Because of You." I'm just kind of over this girl. Her ex-lovah got booted and her new BFF Jacqueline is gone, so all she wants to do is cry.

Lauren Alaina - Oh yay, we get to hear that stupid asteroid love song and watch this girl suck up to Steven Tyler—again. And then J.Lo (not Randy!) reminds us that Lauren's ZOMG ONLY 15—again. I think this girl has a good voice, but I'm not sure she deserves the massive pimping she's getting. And if I have to see that audition clip of her singing this same song with Steven one more time, I'm going to lose it.

John Wayne Schulz - He does a nice version of "Landslide" (with forced harmony by J.Lo) but it's a little monotonous. And I wish he would take off the damn cowboy hat.

Stefano Langone, Jovany Barretto and Jacee Badeaux all sort of whiz by unremarkably. I still think Jacee is a sweetie, but I don't know if he's really cut out for this.

THE BAD

Thia Megia - Her rendition of "What a Wonderful World" is actually the best I've heard her sing, but I still hate her affected voice.

Chris Medina - Like Carson, Chris is performing "My Prerogative." But Chris decides it would be a good idea to go the Andrew Garcia route by trying to transform it into a jaunty little acoustic coffeehouse number. Note to all future contestants: provided you even remember who the hell Andrew Garcia is, don't ever model yourself after him.

Colton Dixon - I just DO NOT like this guy. He sings Daughtry and looks like the douchey lead singer of a Flock of Seagulls tribute band. Bah.

Ashley Sullivan - She forgets her lyrics! She cries! She turns into Babbling Brooke! No surprises here.

Scotty McCreery and Tatynisa Wilson both fail to nail the lyrics of "I Hope You Dance," one of the easier songs in the world to learn. Come on, people, it's not "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant." However, McCreepy almost makes me want to put him in the "Good" pile when he starts singing about "nuts of wonder." I've gotta figure out how to make that my new catch-phrase.

THE UGLY

Haley Reinhart - Wow, people like this mess? What song is she even singing? I can't understand a word in between all the growling and whatever the hell else her mouth is doing.

Adrian Michael and Caleb Johnson have no idea what they're doing, so they blame the band for their suckage. Frances Coontz can't find her key, but blames no one.

I'd like to thank the editors for not showing James Durbin's performance, which I'm sure would have landed squarely in the "Ugly" pile.

Finally, everyone is split up among four rooms to await their fates. When I spot Caleb in Room 1 with Ashley, I worry. But then I see Durbin, Medina, Lauren, Jacee, Brett, Clint and Casey there and quickly breathe a sigh of relief. And, sure enough, they're all safe!

The folks in Rooms 2 and 3 (Chelsee and a bunch of people I barely remember) get cut, while the peeps in Room 4 (Carson, Julie, Jovany and McCreepy) advance. Also in Room 4 but not seen much in Hollywood is Rachel Zevita, one of my favorite girls (especially now that Emily Anne and Adrienne are gone).

Next week, the remaining 50 head to Las Vegas for a Beatles songbook showdown. I'm not sure how McCreepy and Ashley made it through tonight, but I look forward to the former trying to make it through a Beatles song next week and the latter trying to get through five seconds without some sort of emotional outburst.


Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.