Tuesday, September 13, 2011

More Ramblings of a TV Addict

Ta-daaa! It's a post!

So, here's something kind of funny. I've been toying off and on with the idea of getting a proper website, on which I could post a variety of stuff...random observations (did you ever notice that white people can't dance as well as black people?) the minutiae of my life (time to go through iTunes song-by-song and re-check them for missing album art again!), as well as the pop culture gunk you've come to know me for. I'm not sure if this will happen, seeing as how I've clearly been having trouble lately keeping this blog going, but I think having a straight-up dot-com site with different sections would be a good thing.

I started thinking about this again tonight because I thought it would be cool to have a separate section dedicated to just TV, probably called "TV Eye," not only because it's an obvious fit with The Pop Eye but also because it's the title of an Iggy Pop song that is very special to me, because it always makes me think of Ewan McGregor in Velvet Goldmine flashing his peen. Hmm...maybe I could even make a section on this mythical site called Ewan McGregEye, featuring nothing but naughty nonsense about everyone's favorite Scot. That would probably get me a LOT of hits.

Anyway...I think I considered trying to watch less TV at some point over the summer, but then I hurt my foot (trying to get back in shape, natch) so I couldn't really do much but sit around like a slug and plug into the idiot box. Oh, I suppose I could've read books, but why?? With TV, I get to feel the shame of a broken promise to myself by suddenly deciding to start watching Hell's Kitchen. I get to say I was there for the 95th anniversary of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge! And I get to join the rest of the television-viewing public in swearing at Piers Morgan's two-dimensional image.

Speaking of that rat bastard, this was the first season I ever watched America's Got Talent all the way through, and I found it enjoyable enough. It's nearly as predictable as American Idol with even more annoying judges, but Nick Cannon is a charming host and a lot of the acts are quite entertaining. The musical acts tend to be the worst, while the more "Vegas-y" ones (fitting, considering the prize) are much more fun to watch. I was a little sad to see my beautiful boy pole dancer not make it to tonight's Finale, but three of the four who did make it definitely deserve to be there. There's Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., the dreadlocked, car-washing crooner, along with the two dance acts: the techno-savvy Team iLuminate and the artistic Silhouettes, the latter of which has been my favorite act since the auditions. The only act that doesn't belong is the teen band POPLYFE. Sweet holy Lord, they are terrible. Well, OK, the lead vocalist has a pretty good voice and all the musicians certainly know how to play. The problem is that they turn their shit up to 11 and play every song at that level the whole way through. But if you like to hear decent vocals muffled by constant cymbal crashing, guitar screeching and just...NOISE...then they might be the band for you.

Of course, the end of AGT (and many other filler reality shows) means that fall TV season is upon us! Now that my foot is healed, I could probably spend less time on the couch, but with the return of quality programming like Community and Parks and Recreation, it's not gonna happen. And who knows, I may even hurt my foot again when I put it through my TV screen upon my next Whitney promo sighting. God, I can't remember the last time I wished so badly for a show to crash and burn. Oh wait, yes I can: Heather Graham's 2006 series, Emily's Reasons Why Not. And that was yanked after one episode! I'm like the Wishmaster and shit! Hopefully my powers have only gotten stronger with time, and Whitney gets axed during the first commercial break.

Now, before someone accuses me of being a "jellus h8r," I don't dislike Heather and Whitney because they're attractive or successful. I dislike Heather because she is quite simply a terrible actress who would have gotten nowhere without the often-exercised option to take off her top, while I dislike Whitney because her "women and men are soooo different!" schtick is as used-up as her equally unfunny friend, Chelsea Handler. You want an example of an attractive, successful woman I could never h8 jellusly on? Alison Brie. (Duh. Look at the photo that accompanies the previous paragraph. Oh, you haven't stopped looking at it? Understandable.) Also, ZOOEY. EFFING. DESCHANEL. I am looking forward to her new show, New Girl. Yes, Zooey is once again playing the "quirky girl," but so what?? She's so good at it. And I really can't wait to see if the writers manage to ever convince anyone that Zooey's roommates truly don't want to bang her and aren't consumed with thoughts of her every minute of the day. Hell, even I'm consumed with thoughts of her most days.

This season, not only will I be watching lots of TV simply because I'm a lazybones, but I will also be obligated to do so, as I've taken on more recapping responsibilities for Starpulse. (So you all better get over there and leave comments. They're using Disqus now, so you people have no excuses!!) I'm already recapping Project Runway, and this week, I'll be resuming my always brilliant It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia write-ups. And new for this year, I'll be taking on Up All Night, which I really hope is as cute as it looks. Sure, I don't want to get stuck recapping a show I hate but mainly I'm concerned about Will Arnett. He really deserves to be on a show that's worthy of him. And yeah, Arrested Development is a hard act to follow, but after Running Wilde, he can only go up.

What shows are you fine folks looking forward to this fall? (If you're one of them there book-readers, don't go being all high and mighty in my comment box. Go show off somewheres else, Joe College!)


tennysoneehemingway said...

It's funny, I usually look up what's coming on TV over there because I know we'll get it five years later but, thanks to the wonders of digital television, we're getting ALL the American shows at the same time as youse guys! And, quite frankly, nothing looks too appealing yet. But hey, who am I to judge? I watch According to Jim.

Nice Girls In Coffee Shops said...

Okay, so this is NOT high and mighty, but I just gave away my last t.v. Not necessarily because I think TV is BAD, per se. But mostly because my tv was huge and old and I couldn't move any furniture by myself anymore because the tv was so huge and I justified it by saying that until I can afford the TV I want, I will watch everything online, even if it's a day late. So after reading everything, I'm thinking hulu, all night, until I fall asleep. So it's not that I don't watch TV, it's just that I don't have one. Anyways, reading you is almost like watching t.v. Really.

Scope said...

PopLyf really did themselves no favors. I am rooting for Landau Eugene Murphy Shab-a-doo Jones, Jr. the III. The prize is a Vegas show, and he belongs in classic Vegas. Plus he does have a great backstory. I can also see Team iLuminate doing very well. But if I were that chick, I would license and franchise the Blue Man Group out of that shit. While I like Silhouettes the best artistically, and I could see that as a great stage act, how does that work with all the kids moving to Vegas and having to perform? Is the casino on the hook for paying a salary to support the families of the about 30 team members? Sorry, logistics say that even if they win, they can't actually do Vegas, so they lose.

I just hope the "Kinetic King" gets a least a hummer from a fan for his efforts as a consolation prize.

Johnson said...

I've got no sore tooth to blame for my recent TV-related sluggishness (though my back has been hurting, yeah let's say it's because of the back), but I've been recently obsessed with Louie. I don't know how I missed this show but I've only now downloaded--er, legally acquired somehow--every episode available. Man that is some good show. It has happily filled the void left in the absence of new episodes of Community and It's Always Sunny and (shameful confession) Survivor. Season premier tonight, mofo!

Heff said...

"Whitney" 's gonna F.A.I.L.


words...words...words... said...

I keep thinking about the poor schlub that plays Whitney's boyfriend. Here, I suppose, is a dude looking for his break. He lands a role in a network show and he's all happy. Then they start making the show, and everyone starts hating on it because this chick sells "men and women are different" jokes like she split the atom, and he's caught up in this shitstorm he didn't create. But he'll still have the stink on him. Poor Dude Who Plays Whitney's Boyfriend.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I watched "The New Girl" pilot on on demand.

Cute. She's so stinkin cute. And I love the douchebag jar. It should do well with Glee as the lead in.

Caffeinated Joe said...

Wow - Now that is a post! Your site here is so great and detailed, I don't know how you could manage another. Heck, I can barely keep posting on my one blog. Well, one blog and three tumblr blogs. :)

Here's to a great Fall season!

Alice said...

i'm not sure how i feel about man poledancers. especially wearing heels. but i will obnoxiously say that most of the girls in my studio are a good deal more talented than he is :)

i cannot WAIT for all the fall shows to come back. my dvr is pretty pathetic right now.

So. Cal. Gal said...

You're right, Heather couldn't act her way out of a plastic bag. But Zooey? I saw her in a movie once (can't remember the name, thank goodness) and her deadpan "acting" annoyed the crap out of me.

The only show I'm interested in is the new Christina Applegate adverture. I loved Samantha Who? (cut short by her health) and I loves me some Christina, so I'm gonna give it a try.

Cora said...

I kinda like Poplyfe. I dunno, I can just see them ending up being huge in the future. Maybe it's the ex-teacher in talking, but I'm rooting for the little girl and guys. I hope it all works out well for them.

Billy said...

I Hate My Teenage Daughter & Suburgatory could be the next Modern Family & Community, as in, sitcoms I'll actually consider.

But my true preferences always lean toward dramas...

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Sons of Anarchy (so far GREAT)
Boardwalk Empire
New Girl

SkylersDad said...

I was really pulling for Silhouettes, not because they are local, but because they were great and I found myself getting emotional when they performed.

Your new web page could be TV Eye, but wouldn't it be awesome if it was Aye Eye?



Kristen said...

I am strictly a reality TV watcher - and I watch pretty much ALL of them. I watch NO regular sitcom or drama's HOWEVER, ZOOEY?? I might have to cross over for her. If you ever need a re-cap on a reality show helper give me a hollar -I probably watched it. (then asked myself.... WHY??)
but it' all sooooo gooooood.

Travis Cody said...

There aren't many new shows I'm interested in this fall. I did record Up All Night, mostly because of Christina Applegate...I've always liked her. I hope it's a good show.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It kills me that I don't get It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia here, but at least I have your recaps to keep me sane until the DVDs come out. Personally I can't wait for Parks and Rec, except that I will be in the tv-less, internet-less wilds for the first episode. TV is hard!

Malcolm said...

New shows I'm looking forward to seeing:

New Girl
Whitney (yeah, I said it!)
Up All Night
2 Broke Girls

Returning shows:
Two & a Half Men
Law & Order: SVU
Modern Family
The Middle
Happy Endings
The Sing-Off
30 Rock

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hell Zooey's so pretty even I plan on watching "New Girl" if I can get hold of it. Although she is a TERRIBLE actress in my book. Still, it's almost winter, one needs some guilty pleasure TV. Me, I'll be glued to "The Walking Dead", "Dexter" and "Always Sunny" and maybe "Pan Am" although it could be sucky, plus any other interesting new stuff I can find this year. There you can rest easy now.

Also? THIS. You're welcome.


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