More Ramblings of a TV Addict

Ta-daaa! It's a post!

So, here's something kind of funny. I've been toying off and on with the idea of getting a proper website, on which I could post a variety of stuff...random observations (did you ever notice that white people can't dance as well as black people?) the minutiae of my life (time to go through iTunes song-by-song and re-check them for missing album art again!), as well as the pop culture gunk you've come to know me for. I'm not sure if this will happen, seeing as how I've clearly been having trouble lately keeping this blog going, but I think having a straight-up dot-com site with different sections would be a good thing.

I started thinking about this again tonight because I thought it would be cool to have a separate section dedicated to just TV, probably called "TV Eye," not only because it's an obvious fit with The Pop Eye but also because it's the title of an Iggy Pop song that is very special to me, because it always makes me think of Ewan McGregor in Velvet Goldmine flashing his peen. Hmm...maybe I could even make a section on this mythical site called Ewan McGregEye, featuring nothing but naughty nonsense about everyone's favorite Scot. That would probably get me a LOT of hits.

Anyway...I think I considered trying to watch less TV at some point over the summer, but then I hurt my foot (trying to get back in shape, natch) so I couldn't really do much but sit around like a slug and plug into the idiot box. Oh, I suppose I could've read books, but why?? With TV, I get to feel the shame of a broken promise to myself by suddenly deciding to start watching Hell's Kitchen. I get to say I was there for the 95th anniversary of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge! And I get to join the rest of the television-viewing public in swearing at Piers Morgan's two-dimensional image.

Speaking of that rat bastard, this was the first season I ever watched America's Got Talent all the way through, and I found it enjoyable enough. It's nearly as predictable as American Idol with even more annoying judges, but Nick Cannon is a charming host and a lot of the acts are quite entertaining. The musical acts tend to be the worst, while the more "Vegas-y" ones (fitting, considering the prize) are much more fun to watch. I was a little sad to see my beautiful boy pole dancer not make it to tonight's Finale, but three of the four who did make it definitely deserve to be there. There's Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., the dreadlocked, car-washing crooner, along with the two dance acts: the techno-savvy Team iLuminate and the artistic Silhouettes, the latter of which has been my favorite act since the auditions. The only act that doesn't belong is the teen band POPLYFE. Sweet holy Lord, they are terrible. Well, OK, the lead vocalist has a pretty good voice and all the musicians certainly know how to play. The problem is that they turn their shit up to 11 and play every song at that level the whole way through. But if you like to hear decent vocals muffled by constant cymbal crashing, guitar screeching and just...NOISE...then they might be the band for you.

Of course, the end of AGT (and many other filler reality shows) means that fall TV season is upon us! Now that my foot is healed, I could probably spend less time on the couch, but with the return of quality programming like Community and Parks and Recreation, it's not gonna happen. And who knows, I may even hurt my foot again when I put it through my TV screen upon my next Whitney promo sighting. God, I can't remember the last time I wished so badly for a show to crash and burn. Oh wait, yes I can: Heather Graham's 2006 series, Emily's Reasons Why Not. And that was yanked after one episode! I'm like the Wishmaster and shit! Hopefully my powers have only gotten stronger with time, and Whitney gets axed during the first commercial break.

Now, before someone accuses me of being a "jellus h8r," I don't dislike Heather and Whitney because they're attractive or successful. I dislike Heather because she is quite simply a terrible actress who would have gotten nowhere without the often-exercised option to take off her top, while I dislike Whitney because her "women and men are soooo different!" schtick is as used-up as her equally unfunny friend, Chelsea Handler. You want an example of an attractive, successful woman I could never h8 jellusly on? Alison Brie. (Duh. Look at the photo that accompanies the previous paragraph. Oh, you haven't stopped looking at it? Understandable.) Also, ZOOEY. EFFING. DESCHANEL. I am looking forward to her new show, New Girl. Yes, Zooey is once again playing the "quirky girl," but so what?? She's so good at it. And I really can't wait to see if the writers manage to ever convince anyone that Zooey's roommates truly don't want to bang her and aren't consumed with thoughts of her every minute of the day. Hell, even I'm consumed with thoughts of her most days.

This season, not only will I be watching lots of TV simply because I'm a lazybones, but I will also be obligated to do so, as I've taken on more recapping responsibilities for Starpulse. (So you all better get over there and leave comments. They're using Disqus now, so you people have no excuses!!) I'm already recapping Project Runway, and this week, I'll be resuming my always brilliant It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia write-ups. And new for this year, I'll be taking on Up All Night, which I really hope is as cute as it looks. Sure, I don't want to get stuck recapping a show I hate but mainly I'm concerned about Will Arnett. He really deserves to be on a show that's worthy of him. And yeah, Arrested Development is a hard act to follow, but after Running Wilde, he can only go up.

What shows are you fine folks looking forward to this fall? (If you're one of them there book-readers, don't go being all high and mighty in my comment box. Go show off somewheres else, Joe College!)