Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Hotties of 2011

Welcome, one and all, to my first year-end list, which honors this year's outstanding achievements in hotness. Just as they did last year, my unchanging Top 4, aka the Patron Saints of Hotness—St. John, St. Eddie, St. Ewan and St. Damon—will watch over my newly anointed (or, in many cases, re-anointed) ones, helping them pray to the Gods of Good Looks for continued blessings.

And Top 10 Hotties of 2011!

1. Matthew Vasquez
I'm really not sure how Matt got left off last year's list, considering that's when my obsession with Delta Spirit took hold. I guess I was just too busy paying attention to their music to notice how gorgeous the frontman was. Take that, anyone who's ever accused me of liking bands based on the attractiveness of their members! I could never do that. I mean, I've finally stopped denying that Adam Levine is good looking, but I'd still rather be waterboarded than be forced to listen to Maroon 5. The music comes first. Hotness is just a bonus.

2. Jeremy Sisto
It wasn't long ago that Jeremy had been my steady #3 Man, but in the last few years, he'd kind of fallen off my radar. Now he's back on my TV as a total DILF in Suburgatory (a show I actually watch, as opposed to his last couple series, Kidnapped and Law & Order: The Death Throes), looking fitter than I've seen him in a while, thereby putting him back on my "must have" list. And while it is refreshing to see him play a nice, normal, non-brooding guy for a change, I certainly wouldn't complain if he grew out his hair again and brought back a little of that crazy Billy Chenowith vibe.

3. Charlie Day
The Dayman Returneth! Somehow, Charlie only made it to the honorable mentions last year, which makes me wonder if I was sniffing a lot of glue around the time I made my list. But luckily, he was everywhere this year and his hair never ceased to amaze, reminding me of how much I adore him and making it impossible for me to not include him high up in the ranking.

4. Joel McHale
As you may have figured out by now, there's nothing I find hotter than a funny man. (OK, well maybe except for a really hot guy with a guitar. Sorry I'm such a terrible, typical woman.) Joel is my first repeat from last year's list because of his continued awesomeness, which I'm constantly being reminded of, whether it be via E!'s 54 airings per week of The Soup or via Community, aka THE BEST SHOW ON TV DESPITE WHAT THE NBC KNOW-NOTHINGS SAY.

5. Dierks Bentley
I like a lot of Dierks' songs, but I wasn't really feeling the album he released this year. But just because I'm not listening doesn't mean that I can't keep looking at the guy and maybe flipping back and forth to whatever country music award show happens to be on at the moment in the hopes of seeing him and his lovely curly locks.

6. Hugh Jackman
The hottest Aussie in the land (chew on that, Michael Johns!) was absent from the 2010 list only because he was kind of M.I.A. last year. And even though I didn't see any of the movies he was in this year, I did see his cute little cameo on SNL and some nice photos of his summer beach escapades. Also, it was recently announced that he'll be playing Jean Valjean in the big screen adaptation of the musical version of Les Misérables. One of my favorite hunks starring in a film based on my favorite musical, which was based on my favorite book?? Grease better watch out...this may just end up being my favorite movie. (Well, probably not. But it could be close.)

7. Jon Hamm
And here is the second repeat from last year's list, Jon Hamm. What I love most about this guy is that I don't feel extremely shallow for drooling over him because I can always make myself sound less superficial by saying, "Well, sure he's incredibly handsome, but he's REALLY funny, too." And he is. But let's face it: it wouldn't matter if he wasn't.

8. Will Arnett
Speaking of really funny...I've always loved Will's brand of humor. And I've always found him attractive. However, much like when I first developed a crush on Jason Segel, I kind of fought this attraction because he just seemed so creepy, which, in turn made me feel creepy for liking him. But playing a romantic (but still goofy and awkward) lead in Up All Night has helped to lower his creepy factor and allow the world to see that he is one good-looking dude. Although, if I'm being completely honest, I might actually have a bigger crush on his wife, Amy Poehler. If she can do his voice, she wins.

9. Jason Sudeikis
Jason is the third holdover from last year's list, although he did fall 3 notches in the ranking (as did Hamm). Not sure why this is. Maybe it was the whole dating January Jones thing? She might be pretty, but that chick is the worst. Seriously, the only time you'll ever hear a casting director say, "January Jones would be perfect for this role!" is if they ever make Mannequin 3: This Time the Mannequin Doesn't Actually Come to Life. Oh, I'm sorry...this space isn't supposed to be about ripping on women I don't like, it's supposed to be about objectifying men I do like. So, here's a little something for Jason Sudeikis: *ahem* A-WOOOO-gaaa! Mama like!!

10. Ryan Gosling
I'd like to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back for branching out a bit, as Ryan counts as the SECOND blonde on my list! I loves me some brunettes. Anyway...I don't know what it is about Baby Goose. He's kind of weird looking, right? The way his features are put together seems all wrong, but somehow he's incredibly sexy. You know what's even weirder? He's been in, like, 300 movies this year and I haven't seen any of them.

Honorable mentions: Jonathan Groff (hard to believe he went from #1 to somewhere around #11), Ian Somerhalder, Mark Foster, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel


Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Good list! I would totally put Jason Sudekis on my list, along with Joel McHale (#1!!), and Mark Harmon and Jimmy Fallon....!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I have to applaud any list with Charlie Day on it. Although not normally drawn to toilet-cleaning spray paint huffers, I have to admit he's a keeper.

Johnson said...

You also seem to enjoy the side part. I admit to having a man crush on baby goose.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Oh God yes, Arnett = creepy, yet so likable. What is that? Incidentally, I've come round to the Jason Segel thing finally. After all that smack talking I did back in the day about him probably being a serial killer.... Ahem.

Dierks Bentley? What were YOU thinking? (see what I did there?)

I love "Suburgatory" and in fact I never got your Sisto love either till now but he's pretty cool. I bow down to you lady.

HOWEVER...I still don't get the Hugh Jackman thing, sorry. That is a dude who likes dudes, I don't care what he says.

Also, is Gosling blonde? I never thought of him as blonde. Hmmm. Sort of brown haired. Funny looking. Hotter than 99% of actors out there purely BECAUSE he's not cookie cutter pretty. Rock on with your bad hot self.

I hath spoketh.

bloody awful poetry said...

I approve of this list and all the hotness it contains.

Also I had no idea anybody in Delta Spirit was good-looking, let alone THAT delicious. I'm going to be so much happier when I listen to their music now.

I don't get the Sudeikis love, though. There's something so douchey about him, I just can't get over it long enough to find him attractive on any level.

Is the Mark Foster in your honorable mentions list the Mark Foster of Foster The People? Because he is kind of ridiculously fine.

BeckEye said...

Brahm - Mark Harmon is not human. He never ages. And his eyes are way too clear to not be evil. ;)

Barbara - His body may not have been sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David, but he's a hottie nonetheless.

Johnson - I do like a good side part. Even on myself.

Veg - I'm surprised you didn't take time to blaspheme against St. Damon! Maybe you're trying to stay on the nice list so close to Christmas? Dierks Bentley is hot and Hugh Jackman is not gay. Even if he were, that wouldn't make him any less hot. Just like J-Groff. :)

BAP - I Facebooked you a link to a good Delta Spirit video with nice Matt face shots. I think Sudeikis is not a douche, he just plays one on TV (and movies) really well. But who knows...maybe he really is a douche. I mean, he dated January Jones. And yes, I was talking about Mark Foster of Foster the People. Super cute!

Scope said...

Isn't Jason Sudeikis just a tan Ryan Seacrest? :-)

So. Cal. Gal said...

You mean #2 and #3 aren't the same guy???

#4 may be funny but...damn, that a big forehead! lol!

Other than Hugh Jackman and Ryan Gosling, who ARE these guys???

Damn, I'm getting old.

P.S. Ryan = yummy!

Heff said...

Thanks for the SausageFest on parade. Not what I was expecting.

Alice said...

i just re-watched Bridesmaids this weekend, and if i didn't already love jon hamm, the outtakes alone from his sex scenes with kristin wiig are enough to convert anyone to pure adoration.

ryan gosling though i just don't get. i'm well aware i'm in the minority here, but... meh. i feel like i'd break him if i sat in his lap.

Kristen said...

I'll take #3 and #4 together.... hmmmmm

Logical Libby said...

All about the McHale. He could stir my soup any day.


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