Puppy Bowl Pre-Game!

Well, sports fans, it's the big day! Today, the cutest puppies from shelters around the country will gather on the gridiron and compete to win the most important award ever—your hearts. Yes, at 3:00 ET, the Puppy Bowl returns!!

OK, so today may be better known for a game featuring big dumb human animals. Like most Americans, I will be in front of the TV at 6:30 to watch said game, which will hopefully end with the Giants snatching another Super Bowl victory from the waiting, greasy hands of Bill Belichick and his gang of over-confident cyborgs. But since the Steelers aren't in it this year, I really don't care. No, that's not true. I care. I care because (cover your ears, puppies) I hate. I hate the Patriots. Die, Patriots, die.

Aaaanywayyyy...even though the Super Bowl gets most of the attention, the Puppy Bowl is really where it's at. "It" in this case is enough cuteness to turn your brain to cotton candy and cause all your internal organs to liquefy into some sort of butterscotch syrup. So really, if you watch the Puppy Bowl, you could probably die. But it's definitely worth the risk.

Take a gander at this year's starting lineup! (For optimum squeals, click the photo to enlarge.)

Row 1: Abilene, Anthony, Augusta, Brandy;
Row 2: Calvin, Delilah, Eurika, Fonzie;
Row 3: Friday, Fumble, Gracie, Hollie; Row 4: Hunter, Joni, Leroy Brown, Lucie;
Row 5: Malie, Marbles, Montana, Oscar; Row 6: Penelope, Pepper, Pinky, Portia;
Row 7: Prancer, Puddin, Richie, Salem; Row 8: Shiloh, Sweetie Pie, Tattoo, York.
(Is it just me, or does Tattoo look just like Jim Jones of My Morning Jacket??)

And even though it's ruff picking out my favorite pups, these three are my early front-runners to take home the MAP (Most Adorable Player) award:

L-R: Aberdeen (Australian Shepherd mix),
Josh Baskin (Jack Russell/Pug mix), Ronnie (mutt).

I'm also predicting that this year's Puppy Bowl is going to be the best one yet. Why? Three little words: PIGLET PEP SQUAD. Now all that's left is to figure out a way to incorporate baby seals (or adult seals, for that matter) into this, and we will have reached the apex of human achievement.