Wednesday, February 27, 2008

American Idol 7: The Lady Bunch

There's still water in the bong, so '70s week on American Idol is gonna keep on truckin'. Not only are these 10 funky mamas gonna get down tonight, but they're gonna give you the skinny on what makes them groove. Can you dig it? I knew that you could.

Knowing full well that everyone is already throwing around the Ann Wilson comparisons, Carly Smithson belts "Crazy on You." A lot of people don't like Carly because they say she's a "ringer." I wouldn't exactly call someone who's working in a tattoo parlor and a bar, years after her old record deal fell apart, a shoo-in to win this. But she definitely deserves to be here. The girl can sing. I dig the performance, but something is missing that I can't quite put my finger on. The Dawg and Barfly both like Carly but aren't exactly heart-ing her. Simon's lying so low in the weeds, I bet he's gonna ambush Carly. He's got her down, down, down, down on her knees but - wouldn't you know it! He's no barracuda! Simon proclaims Carly the best female singer in the competition, but just suggests that she still hasn't picked the perfect song.

Oh! I know what was missing from that performance. Some of those patented Nancy Wilson figure-four kicks.

Hey, they just showed Dreamboat Mikey sitting there with the other Top 10 guys. Mmmmm hmmm. How do I get that magic man alone?

I must be very distracted with these dreams of Michael Johns now, because Syesha Mercado is talking and I have no idea what's she's saying. I think she's mumbling about being a singer-slash-actress. How exciting. Just when I finally decide to start paying attention to her, she bores me to death with her cover of "Me and Mrs. Jones" - "Me and MR. Jones." See what she did there? Isn't that clever? Yeah, no one else thought so either. This is universally boring.

Her hair doesn't look like an Easter egg, but don't let that fool you. Brooke White is, in fact, a beauty school dropout. Turning in her teasing comb for a guitar, she takes the stage to sing "You're So Vain," while not-so-subtly glancing at Simon. I think she does a really good job, and she's definitely filling the role of folky/bohemian chick well. Randy thinks it's a good song choice, but that Brooke's performance isn't that original. Paula agrees and says, "What you brought to the song was familiarity." If you think about that statement for too long, your head will explode, so just keep reading. Simon absolutely loves Brooke's performance, and he does think the song is about him. This week on Idol Chat: An angry Warren Beatty sets the record straight. And then he has a three-way with Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez.

My heart is not filled with love and desire for a Ramiele Malubay performance, especially after she reveals that she can hula (Sanjaya flashbacks, anyone??), but she forces "Don't Leave Me This Way" on me anyway. It's fairly forgettable. Randy thinks it's just aight and Paula just nods and points at Randy. Simon figures if Paula doesn't have to work, neither does he, so he also nods and points at Randy. This girl may be hula-ing back home after tonight.

Kristy Lee Cook reminds me of Kristy Swanson. Bland. Blonde. Blah. She covers Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good" satisfactorily. I was really hoping that she would truly be "no good," because I would be having much more fun right now. As it is, I'm just counting down the minutes until I can go to bed. Randy is happy with Kristy's "improvement" but he's not blown out of his box. Paula uses her favorite phrase, "in the pocket," again and then echoes Randy's critique. Simon wonders if Kristy is a country or pop artist. I wonder where she got that horrific top that she's wearing. Remember when I wore silver lamé as a joke? Well, she's wearing it for real.

Amanda Overmyer tells us that she's really a bookworm. I'm assuming that 101 Dalmatians is one of her favorite books, as she's sporting Cruella DeVille hair tonight. Targeting the rib festival lovin' demographic, Amanda covers "Carry on Wayward Son." Ok...I kind of liked her during the auditions, but she's ridiculous. When she sings in that cheesy fake-blues growl, it reminds me of the time that Mary Catherine Gallagher sang with Aerosmith, except that it's much less entertaining. Randy sticks with his generic comment for the night, "It's not the right song for you." As if that's the only problem. Paula is obviously afraid of Amanda, so she just tells her that she dances well. Yeah, that's it. Add that to whatever Randy said. I'm holding out for a hero, and Simon gets the job done once again by telling the truth - Amanda's performance is contrived, indulgent, and we couldn't wait for it to be over. She might be dust in the wind after this scream-fest.

I really don't care what cute little quirks Alaina Whitaker has. Here's something Alaina might not know about me. Olivia Newton-John was my idol growing up. Grease is my favorite movie of all-time. If she's trying to get on my bad side by butchering "Hopelessly Devoted to You," she's doing a fantastic job. Randy claims that the problem is, once again, the song. If Kenickie weren't in rehab right now, he'd tell Alaina, "The problem is in your mouth!" Paula goes out on a limb and says that she likes Alaina slightly more than Randy. Simon likes her the most. I guess he's looking at her from a businessman's perspective. Cute blonde girls who can't really sing well are big-time moneymakers.

None of what Alexandrea Lushington is telling me about herself is sticking. I'm not retaining any of this information. Something about firemen. Her rendition of Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" is only slightly more memorable. She has a very pretty voice, but the performance is quite dull, like much of Chicago's '80s catalog. The judges all take a nap. When tomorrow comes, she may regret things she sang today.

Pop tart impersonator, Kady Malloy, informs everyone that she sings opera. Well, if they ever make an opera based on the Britney Spears story (Carmen's got nothing on that tragedy), Kady has it made. Kady sings the second Heart song of the evening, "Magic Man." All I can really say is that, unlike Carly, at least Kady doesn't have to worry about numerous comparisons to Ann Wilson. She sounds good in certain parts, but overall the song is way too big for her. Randy and Paula are ambivalent, and Simon admits that he's never heard this song before. He really needs to take that Righteous Brothers tape out of his 8-track player pronto.

Closing the show out is the peppy and cute Asia'h Epperson, who surprises no one by revealing that she was a cheerleader in high school. She attempts to bring it on by singing "A'hll By'h My'hself," but it's not a winning routine. She did pull it together somewhat at the end but, this is just another case of a little girl trying to tackle too big of a song. Everyone acknowledges that Asia'h can sing, but agrees that it wasn't good enough to make Simon do a cartwheel into a back handspring with a full twist.

There was quite a bit of mediocrity tonight, which makes it hard to predict which two gals will be going home tomorrow. I'm confident that Carly and Brooke will skate through, but that's about all I'm sure of. I really think that Amanda needs to go, but she seems like she might have a strong fan base and, possibly, the support of Vote For the Worst! Alaina and Ramiele are both boring as hell, but they're also young and cute. Hmm. Decisions, decisions. I'll take a guess and say that Ramiele and Alexandrea are as dead as disco.


SkylersDad said...

Again, a great recap. I am liking Brook, I think she could actually be the top woman here. But the whole evening was a yawner!

fran said...

"A'hll By'h My'hself" killed me. You're pretty funny.

Found you through Falwless' blog :)

r cubed said...

I am hoping amanda goes home too as well as a few of the others whose names I've already forgotten. Why not vote off a half dozen of 'em and get on with it?
Great recap, I don't really get the appeal of carly. Brook is my favorite, I'd like to hear her sing a fiona apple or tori amos song or something...interesting.

The Guv'ner said...

Ha ha ha on the Warren Beatty thing.

I can't listen to that damn song (the original I mean) without cracking up at Mick Jagger's backing vocals. Honestly, they're fine until you NOTICE them then they're FUNNY. Try it.

I'm not keen on A.I. but I love reading your recaps. More entertaining than the damn show!

CDP said...

I'm with the Guv'ner, I haven't watched it yet this season, but I never miss your recaps. "water in the bong" tee hee

cube said...

And I thought the boys night was bad. Sheesh. I really expected more from the girls.

I won't vote against a rocker who is way diffrent from everyone else (I like the individuality), but Amanda's song choice was terrible and her performance was awful. My cats sing better.

I think it will be Alaina & Alexandra.

Of course, I'm musically challanged remember, so what do I know.

Bond said...

OK...first show I have watched in it's entirety....

Disappointing is a word i would use...

I liked Amanda in the auditions...last night she was horrid...

I did not sit up and listen to any of those songs....

THIS is the best group they have ever had??????? B.S.

Red said...

I think Amanda was definitely the worst out of everyone this week, but I think she will still be there tomorrow. It is hard to decide who will be sent home because they are all so boring.

I still love Carly though...

Awesome recap

Chancelucky said...

GReat recap Beckeye. I was lol with the Cruella Deville line. Pretty drab night.

Gifted Typist said...

kristy-alaina-katy are all the same person. Mediocre

Scary Spice did nuttn for me.

Little Big voice with the hoola hoop slipped from last week.

Carly's a good singer but but but... maybe it's just her nerves but she only seems half there or something

Can't stand Brooke - cloying, insincere, cutesy smiles make me want to rip off heads.

You are the star in this AI BeckEye, they should put you through tonight.

DrillerAA said...

When will they learn, Cardinal rule no. 1...don't sing a Celine Dion or Whitney Houston song unless you are Celine Dion or Whitney Houston. Otherwise you have simply picked a song that is way above your talent level little girl...whoever you are.

Lee Ann said...

I think there is some real talent this year. I look forward to result night each week.
Have a great weekend Beck!
Lee Ann

Travis said...

I missed Carly and Syesha last night. The rest were unimpressive.

Syesha is an early favorite. But I have disliked Carly from the beginning because I don't like her voice.

Funny, for the "best final 24 of all time" this is a surprisingly boring and ordinary group of singers so far.

mellowlee said...

I love your recaps! I don't even watch the show anymore (ever since the season that joe cocker guy won)
I'm looking forward to your next recap :O)

Tanya Espanya said...

Thank you for this.

Don't Leave Me This Way is one of my favourite songs, and I sing it at least once a day (seriously).

BeckEye said...

Skyler's Dad - I'm still distracted by the whole Brooke/Rebecca DeMornay similarity.

Fran - Thanks for stopping by! Er, I mean, thanks'h.

R Cubed - I'd like to hear Amanda sing a Tori Amos song. That would be freaking hilarious.

Guv - Do I think Mick's vocals are funny? NO! Do I? NO! Do I? NOOO! (Ok, so actually I do.)

CDP - You're doing the right thing. :)

Cube - I don't know why Amanda is considered "different." If this show took place at a smoky karaoke bar, she wouldn't be very unique.


Red - Thanks for stopping by. I like Carly too. Too many people are hung up on her "connections." If she has such great industry connections, why is she working at a bar?

Chancelucky - Her hair was actually part Cruella, and part Ursula from "The Little Mermaid."

GT - Thanks for your support! I was a little nervous last night, but I ended up being safe!

Drilleraa - Well, I don't like the idea of singing a song from the '70s in the style of someone who sang it in the '90s anyway. I think they should either sing it like it was or put their OWN spin on it.

Lee Ann - There is some talent. Not as much as Seacrest is suggesting, though.

Travis - I guess Seacrest wouldn't get paid if he hyped the mediocrity of the contestants.

Mellowlee - Thanks!

Tanya - Now you have ME singing it.


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