Ensuring Plenty of Material For E! True Hollywood Stories in 2018 or So

Seems like a gazillion celebrity babies have been born in the past month. This isn't the first time this has happened, either. (Here's one smaller-scale example.) Much like the phenomenon of celebrities always dying in threes, the rich and famous like to procreate en masse.

How does this happen? You women out there know about that bio-freakish thing that happens to girls who live or work together. They all end up dancing with Big Red at the same time. So, I wonder if something similar occurs to women in Hollywood? Maybe going to all the same parties, swapping spouses and sharing that small top-level salary bracket causes them to ovulate in unison? Or, it could be that pregnancy pacts aren't just for attention-hungry teenagers anymore.

Here is a look at the latest celebuspawn:

On June 7, Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren welcomed a daughter, Honor Marie Warren, who has a lifetime of "Honor? I hardly know her!" jokes to look forward to.

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's daughter, Stella Doreen McDermott, was born on June 9. I really wish they had given the baby Tori's last name because Stella Spelling would have to grow up to be either an educational mascot or a stripper.

Speaking of stripper names, Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to her daughter, Maddie Briann, on June 19 and told reporters that the experience was "the best feeling in the world." She later recanted that statement, saying, "It hurt like balls, y'alls. I meant to say that what I did to get pregnant was the best feeling in the world. Oh, and not being my sister feels really good too."

The pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, gave birth to a daughter on June 29. Now, maybe s/he isn't technically a celebrity, but s/he's a hell of a lot more interesting than the last three broads I just mentioned. I haven't been able to find any stories that give the baby's name, but it was probably something like Oprah RuPaul.

Kicking off the July string of births, and breaking the baby girl streak, was another quasi-celeb, Isaac Hanson. Unlike the dude(tte) above, Isaac left all the pushing and screaming up to his wife, Nikki. Proving that he's not truly famous, Isaac named the kid James Monroe. Booooo-ring! I was really crossing my fingers for MmmmmBob.

On July 5, 52 year-old Peter Gabriel and his thirtysomething wife welcomed a baby boy. (See, guys? Don't throw out that old sperm. Just because it's old doesn't mean it's no good.) The Gabriels named their son Luc so, evidently, they want him to grow up to be a snooty Frenchman.

Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend welcomed their son, Levi, into the world on July 7. You know what I love about these celebrity babies? I get older; they stay the same age.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban celebrated the birth of their daughter, Sunday Rose on July 8. Okay, I have really nothing smart-alecky to say about this (except that "Sunday Urban" sounds like some ultra-hip brunch spot in the West Village). I kind of like these two, and I'm glad that Nicole was finally able to have a biological child with a man who doesn't have the crazies. (Sorry, Suri Cruise, but you are doomed to a life of Dianetic lunacy, unless your mother gets smart and pulls a Julia Roberts-in-Sleeping With the Enemy style escape.)

Brangelina super-sized their baby order by having twins, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, on July 12. Apparently, the couple was a little disappointed that they only had two. With four other kids already, they were hoping for quints so they could finally have a beautiful baseball team. They're already hitting up the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico for some athletically-inclined orphans, and, on the advice of Madonna, Brad is going to make an indecent proposal to Jose Canseco. And if all of these options pan out at once, no harm, no foul. After all, they're gonna need a bullpen.

All of these ladies, especially the ones popping out girls, just ought to be glad they didn't marry this candidate for Father of the Year. Obviously, he studied genetics at Henry VIII University, which should really start offering an Anger Management elective.