Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:
Britney and Justin Help Out the Elderly - The two ex-luvahs are scheduled to perform alongside Madonna tonight on her L.A. tour stop. In future news, Britney is pregnant with Justin's baby and Justin has contracted chlamydia, herpes, the crazies, and a fake British accent.
Beyoncé Wants to Be Known as "Sasha Fierce" - Yeah, how's that going for you, Beyoncé? Maybe Jay-Z, Tyra Banks, and Christian Siriano won't mind calling you that, but everyone else is sticking with Beyoncé.
Simon Cowell is a Free Agent - Simon's shrill, talking-head girlfriend dumped him recently, apparently because he didn't want to get married. It could also have something to do with the fantastic parting gifts - £3 million cash and a £2.3 million mansion. I guess that beats what she got during the relationship - an inferiority complex due to more public interest in his nipples than hers, his constant complaints that she didn't separate his black tee-shirts from his off-black ones in the wash, and the constant drunken 2:00 a.m. calls from Paula Abdul. Come to think of it, after six years of that, £5.3 million in cash and prizes might not be enough. (I'm totally kidding, Simon. Call me!)
Carrie's Neuroses Are Back! - Kim Cattrall recently confirmed that she and the other Sex and the City gals will film a sequel to the movie this summer. (Can I get a little Aidan this time around?? Sheesh.) I would tell all you ladies out there to start planning your wardrobe for the premiere now, but of course your outfits would be out of style by then, and it would be so gauche to sit in a dark theater for three ass-numbing hours in anything less than your designer best.
Denise Richards Gets Renewed - The loathsome "actress" and her loathsome "reality" show just got picked up by E! for a second season. This begs the question, "Why???" I mean, I love a lot of garbage TV, but this isn't even good enough for the garbage. It's like the show that fell out of the dumpster and is now just used as a urinal by street urchins. Is there any show worse than this?
Larry Birkhead Attempts to Answer the Above Question - Yes, Anna Nicole's ex is finally getting around to making a reality show. Who knows what took so long. I mean, Dannielynn is already a year old! Evidently, it took some prodding from everyone's favorite advice guru, Tori Spelling, before he could agree to exploit his daughter on TV. I imagine the conversation went something like this:
Tori: "Hey, Larry. Why don't you..."
Larry: "Do a reality show!?!?? That's a GREAT idea! Of course, it must be done tastefully. Like that Denise Richards show."
Charlie Sheen Denies Getting Lap Dances in Vegas - HA HA HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, my sides.
Spencer Pratt Kills Heidi Montag - Ha ha, jackass! Made you click! It's just my caption contest. But since you're already there, you might as well enter.
Britney and Justin Help Out the Elderly - The two ex-luvahs are scheduled to perform alongside Madonna tonight on her L.A. tour stop. In future news, Britney is pregnant with Justin's baby and Justin has contracted chlamydia, herpes, the crazies, and a fake British accent.
Beyoncé Wants to Be Known as "Sasha Fierce" - Yeah, how's that going for you, Beyoncé? Maybe Jay-Z, Tyra Banks, and Christian Siriano won't mind calling you that, but everyone else is sticking with Beyoncé.
Simon Cowell is a Free Agent - Simon's shrill, talking-head girlfriend dumped him recently, apparently because he didn't want to get married. It could also have something to do with the fantastic parting gifts - £3 million cash and a £2.3 million mansion. I guess that beats what she got during the relationship - an inferiority complex due to more public interest in his nipples than hers, his constant complaints that she didn't separate his black tee-shirts from his off-black ones in the wash, and the constant drunken 2:00 a.m. calls from Paula Abdul. Come to think of it, after six years of that, £5.3 million in cash and prizes might not be enough. (I'm totally kidding, Simon. Call me!)
Carrie's Neuroses Are Back! - Kim Cattrall recently confirmed that she and the other Sex and the City gals will film a sequel to the movie this summer. (Can I get a little Aidan this time around?? Sheesh.) I would tell all you ladies out there to start planning your wardrobe for the premiere now, but of course your outfits would be out of style by then, and it would be so gauche to sit in a dark theater for three ass-numbing hours in anything less than your designer best.
Denise Richards Gets Renewed - The loathsome "actress" and her loathsome "reality" show just got picked up by E! for a second season. This begs the question, "Why???" I mean, I love a lot of garbage TV, but this isn't even good enough for the garbage. It's like the show that fell out of the dumpster and is now just used as a urinal by street urchins. Is there any show worse than this?
Larry Birkhead Attempts to Answer the Above Question - Yes, Anna Nicole's ex is finally getting around to making a reality show. Who knows what took so long. I mean, Dannielynn is already a year old! Evidently, it took some prodding from everyone's favorite advice guru, Tori Spelling, before he could agree to exploit his daughter on TV. I imagine the conversation went something like this:
Tori: "Hey, Larry. Why don't you..."
Larry: "Do a reality show!?!?? That's a GREAT idea! Of course, it must be done tastefully. Like that Denise Richards show."
Charlie Sheen Denies Getting Lap Dances in Vegas - HA HA HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, my sides.
Spencer Pratt Kills Heidi Montag - Ha ha, jackass! Made you click! It's just my caption contest. But since you're already there, you might as well enter.
Comments
As for Howard K. Stern, I've not heard a peep out of him since he went to Sirius or Skynet or whatever that satellit service is.
I love you.
And A-FUCKING-MEN on including some Aidan on the next SatC go-round!
I miss you at my place too... come read about my harrowing "drug-deal".
oh, um,
I know,
Prince
OMG, I am so happy Joe Jonas is free. He will be mine, oh yes, he will be mine.
If you win I get 80% of the prize money. Just fyi.
Did you see the outfits Britney and Madonna were wearing? That was atrocious on both parts! Had they both dressed the same it wouldn't have looked bad at all, but that just contrasted waaaay too much to be believeable.