Ooooooooooh...can you feel the excitement?? American Idol Season 8 starts tonight! Thank God. The death of Jett Travolta earlier this month has kept me in a real funk. The people who write and frequent the vomitous mass of cyberspace known as TMZ were making me feel embarassed to run a pop culture blog. But then I finally realized that I'm nothing like them and so have nothing to be ashamed of. Now, maybe a few of my old "anonymous" friends would disagree. A few people may have called me "mean spirited" and such in the past but, well, those people just have no sense of humor. I'm not above a few well-placed cuts and jabs, but I'm quite certain that I've never crossed the line into "heartless."Anyhoo, now that I'm feeling regenerated, I thought I'd make a few quick predictions for the new season of AI:
- The new judge, Kara DioGuardi, will immediately prove herself to be one judge too many. The show has always worked perfectly fine with two and a half judges.
- There is a 95% chance that a black male is going to win. Ruben Studdard was the last black man to win, waaaay back in Season 2. It's also fitting since we have our first "colored" president. (Right, Li-Lo?) It's the way it should be. Welcome to post-racial America! Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!
- If a black man doesn't win, this will finally be the year of the Filipino Idol. So, there's a 5% chance that the ousters of Jasmine Trias and Ramiele Malubay will be avenged.
- I will be called a racist, fat whore by someone. Maybe even today! This season will have THE ANGRIEST ANONYMOUS COMMENTERS EVER!!
- The judges and producers will all continue to pretend like Taylor Hicks never existed.
- To save time, Paula Abdul will critique all contestants before they sing.
- Randy Jackson will use the word "dawg" 5,643 times.
Simon Cowell's nipples will increase in circumference by .08 centimeters per show. - The show will continue to carry out its curious vendetta against Queen by letting all the worst singers mangle some of their best songs.
- Not one male contestant will be even 1/8 as hot as Michael Johns.
Comments
Knot
I will have to experience this vicariously... Oh duh! That's one of many great services your blog offers me.
How good is it to live in a world where I can remain "idol-free" and yet, not...
I'm off to set the DVR!
I can't wait to read your reviews!!! :)
Two things:
-I hate the new judge already. Maybe she is the one who is a racist, fat whore!
-and, (I cannot believe I am about to admit this-but I will for the sake of a clean start) I loved, voted for, and bought his debut album-Taylor Hicks. Yup! Dont hate me. Can I still come over and play here??
Can you smell the ratings declining?
Also, I wrote you a little thank-you note at my place for the Firecrotch award. You can find it here: http://cultureofbeer.blogspot.com/2009/01/caption-contest-jackassery-flaming-mug.html
Sorry, I don't know how to create links in the comments. Thanks agian for the wonderful award and I promise never to whine here again.
Cheers,
Doc
I'm fascinated by untalented people who truly believe they are awesomely talented.
I love Pistols for the exact same reason.
Knot makes a good point.
SERIOUSLY.
CANNOT.
WAIT.
SO.
FRICKIN.
EXCITED.
YES.
I.
HAVE.
NO.
LIFE.
But I will continue to play American Idol Karaoke Revolution. Virtual Simon thinks I'm fantastic.
You know, I am unable to name the winners of American Idol.
And I was right! Rock on Miss B.
Hope the tryouts are better this year, though, cause last year's crop was pathetic.
BTW, my verification word is "raffi". I don't believe you've ever reviewed one of his albums here, maybe he's dropping a hint.
Finally, I am still appalled at that stupid troll. You are not racist OR fat.
I am such an Idol geek.
peace
#2