Things I Learned Over the Weekend

Bea Arthur died. I was never a huge fan, and never joined the Golden Girls cult, but Bea seemed like a pretty cool and classy lady, and certainly was a TV icon. It was a shame to hear of her battle with cancer.


Susan Boyle plucked her eyebrows, dyed her hair, and bought a leather jacket. *sigh* How soon before she's clubbing with LiLo's momz?


Twitter is all the rage with every celebrity except the ones I actually give two shits about. Ashton Kutcher has the most Twitter followers? Seriously?? What could he possibly be doing that's of interest to anyone? Buying hats? And I never needed to know that Oprah can't work her caps lock, or that Courtney Love thinks that Pamela Anderson is a skank. I mean, really, celebs are always bitching about people not respecting their privacy, and now they're just finding new and more inane ways of broadcasting their every move? I hate this stupid service, and I will NEVER hand my life over to it...unless Eddie Vedder starts tweeting.


We are all thismuchcloser to exploding into a giant, gassy ball of flame. Seriously. On Friday it was rainy and chilly but on Saturday morning, I woke up in the deep end of a pool of sweat. Eventually, we'll be acting out a real-life version of that Twilight Zone episode, "The Midnight Sun," and Al Gore will be running around in his underwear yelling, "I told you so!"


If you don't believe in global warming, how is this for a sign that the end is near: Beyoncé's new flick, Basic Attraction or Fatal Instinct (or something like that), is the #1 movie in the country. Now, I'm not sure if she's the actual devil or just one of his minions, but I think there's no questioning that she's some sort of evil, supernatural being. There's no other explanation for this movie's success, or for how she can be everywhere at once.


I regret my earlier comments about Jason Segel's "creepiness." As I mentioned last week, I Netflixed Freaks and Geeks and fell in love with the show after the first three episodes. Well, after watching the following three, I started looking episodes up on YouTube because I couldn't wait to watch the rest of the series. Unfortunately, some of the audio had been removed from several of the clips, so I just went to Best Buy, bought the DVDs, and didn't move from my couch until I had seen every episode. And maybe I watched a few of them again, with commentary. And maybe I re-watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And maybe I found myself completely in love with Jason Segel by last night. And maybe I found myself hoping that he would be driving through my neighborhood one of these days and would pull over to ask me for directions. (You really have to click that link to see my initial assessment of him for this statement to make any sense.) So, it looks like the tables have turned and I am the creepy one now. I'm totally obsessed.

Obsessed! That's the name of Beyoncé's crappy movie.

Anyway, I want to be a good obsessor, but here is my problem. I have never seen a single episode of Jason's show, How I Met Your Mother. And even though I've heard only good things about it, I don't know if I can give my life to one more TV program. I don't have a fancy DVR like a lot of you, so it's not like picking up new shows is easy for me. In order to properly commit to a show, I have to schedule my life around it. Advice?