There is this month's winning caption, provided by your newest Firecrotch, Skyler's Dad. Although he tries every month, it's been over a year since Mr. Dirty Mind last won the most coveted award in all of Blogdom. Finally, Skyler can be proud of his father again instead of ashamedly moping around like Sylvester Junior.
Your 2nd, 3rd and 4th
Because I'm strangely fascinated by this new colon blow trend: Heidi Montag demonstrates "Scorpion Snake," the colon cleanse of the stars! - Words Words Words
Because I'm a sucker for '80s humor: Like, gag me with scorpion! - Cora
Because I'm a sucker for fictional reality TV shows: This week's loser on "I'm A Scorpion, Please Get Me Out Of Here" - Deadspot
For that same reason, Catherinette gets an honorable mention for not entering a caption, but making me long for the day when FOX or VH1 finally creates Hooker Safari.