Monday, November 30, 2009

Yes We Can! (And Yes You Better!)

I know all of you are getting excited about the holidays, but screw that for a minute, okay? There is something more important at hand: Blogger Award season.

For the second year in a row, I have been nominated for Blogger of the Year in Grant Miller Media's Drysdale Awards. And, also for the second year in a row, I'm already in serious danger of losing. Therefore, I am going to take this opportunity to shamelessly beg for your votes. But no election would be complete without a little mudslinging. So before I explain why I deserve this award, I will explain why the other candidates don't deserve it. (Hum some dramatic music to yourself while reading this list.)

Some Guy, Some Guy's Blog - I mean, this should really be self explanatory. Some Guy? You're going to trust just some guy?? Clearly he's hiding something. Who knows what...pedophilia, necrophilia? I can almost guarantee it's some sort of horrible philia.

Dr. Zibbs, That Blue Yak - Well, first of all the guy has the worst post titles. Like, if this post were a Zibbs post it would be titled, "Vote. Awards. Making Fun Of Other Bloggers. West Chester PA Something Something." Secondly, he's not even a real doctor.

LiLu, Livit Luvit - She's got a really cool boyfriend, nice hair, and about seven gazillion followers. Voting for her would be like voting Regina George for Spring Fling Queen. Don't be so damn obvious, people.

Stash Bednarik, Grant Miller Media - He is nothing but the Mr. Hyde to Grant Miller's Dr. Jekyll.

Grant Miller, Grant Miller Media - He's married.

Red, Gingers is the Watchword - She's a real, honest-to-God firecrotch. We all know they're nice to look at, but do you really want one running your Blogosphere?

Wendy Brandes, Wendy Brandes Jewelry - So, fabulous Ms. Wendy already has like 64% of the vote or something, eh? Oh, I suppose that having celebrity friends, a killer wardrobe, and a successful jewelry business aren't enough for her. Noooo, she has to steal the only award that some of us pathetic blogging cretins will ever win in our meaningless lives. Nice. Real nice. By the way, I totally saw her kick a kitten the other day. Just throwing that out there.

The Vegetable Assassin, s/t - Also a firecrotch. Worse, she's not American. EVEN WORSE, she doesn't think Ewan McGregor is hot.

God, The Other Side of Normal - Major God complex. Canadian. Need I say more?

Samurai Frog, Electronic Cerebrectomy - I really don't know this dude but he always does really well at movie trivia on No Smoking in the Skull Cave. So, I guess that means that he'll just be sitting around watching movies while the Blogosphere slowly burns.

The Imaginary Reviewer, The Imaginary Review - I hate to burst your bubbles people, but everything this guy says is MADE UP.

Gwen, Everything I Like Causes Cancer - Even worse than Wendy the kitty-kicker, Gwen actually stalked and cooked a kitten for Thanksgiving dinner. Seriously. Check her blog. The sicko documented it. (Sure, the gory parts were cut out, but we all know what happened.)

Now, on to why EYE deserve this award. I'm not sure why I have to explain this but, uh, I kinda kick ass. Also, I have clearly overestimated the importance of this award, which proves that I'm also kinda unstable. I can't be held responsible for what I'll do if I lose. And if I win, my promise from last year to put a hot tub in the Blogosphere's cafeteria still stands.

Okay, so everyone's ready to vote for me, yes? Well, clicky on the Drysdale below to fill out your ballots! You'll find all the award categories in GMM's left sidebar.
Note: I'm also up for Least Influential Political Blog and Blog With the Most Posts About John or Kate Gosselin. I don't care as much about these, but I'd happily take one or both. Especially the latter, just because I love irony. (This is the first post in which I've ever actually mentioned those two idiots by name. Fact! Go ahead and search! I don't lie like these other bloggers. )

30 comments:

SkylersDad said...

if only you had mentioned LiLo once or twice, I probably would have voted for you.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Oh yeah yeah. Go on pimping yourself, DESPERADO.

You don't see ME pimping MY nomination do you? OK mainly it's because I haven't updated since Mr. Miller's nominations were revealed but still. Also, it's because it's not like I stand a chance of winning with LiLu and her 8 million followers (Hi Li!) and you and your pimpyness. Oh and Wendy's high fallutin' influential buddies. And so on. Damn. I am so going to be last. Hell, it's being nominated that counts right? That's what Oscar losers always say and I believe every word they say. Sniff.

Jules said...

Shit - had I known earlier that you write posts about the Gosselins....WHERE HAVE I BEEN????

God said...

You totally deserve some sort of award for something, unless we're nominated for the same stuff. (Then it's screw you, hippie".)

I think you should have had your own categories, like "Most Gratuitous Lusting Over Gay Men" or "Blog With The Most YouTube Links" , you would have cleaned house!

Penny said...

I like that one reason was:

He's Married.

hahahahahahah
You got my vote sugar plum. I'm on it!

Gwen said...

First, it was a TUR-kitten. Second, I voted for you. Even if we were in the same category.

(50% of this comment MIGHT be a lie.)

Shelly said...

I like the fact that most of your competition has commented here. That says saomething right there. Not sure what, but something.

Soda and Candy said...

Well, as a dirty foreigner myself I had to go with the Assassin.

But look on the bright side, you are in fact a famous and powerful blogger who gets paid to do it (I mean I assume Starpulse pays you)! Doesn't that beat a Drysdale?

Bond said...

Consider me on board for that dang hot tub...

i also nominated you for the most PITA word verification blog - just saying

Billy said...

You have my vote. And I don't want to go bragging, but my vote has been on the winning side of the last... one... Presidential elections. So I've got something of a streak going.

CDP said...

I voted for you.

red said...

I voted for and nominated you and this is the thanks I get?!?!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Yes I Could! (And Yes I Did!)

Textual Healing said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Come on, now... Regina George?! Can't I at least be like, the dumb nice evil friend of Regina George? At least she went on to play Lilly Kane.

Katherine said...

"EVEN WORSE, she doesn't think Ewan McGregor is hot."

How does this person exist?

Chele said...

I been wondering who to vote for. First time I stopped by your blog and I am pretty sold

Some Guy said...

You don't have to worry abut me. The only award I'm gunning for is Dullest Blog.

carissajaded said...

HAHAHA such a great post. I love your tasteful bashes on your competition, and you had some very good points that I think may have me influenced to vote for you! Love it!!

WendyB said...

That bitch kitten was asking for it.

words...words...words... said...

I refuse to endorse any competition that I am not nominated in. But you know you're my favorite, right? Right?

Del-V said...

It's all a popularity contest anyway...

J. Hi said...

You have my vote, hands down!!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Ok, voted! If only we had 70 Beckys in our club, this could be our biggest mission yet!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Okay, I voted for you using this blog, now will you please, please destroy those photos of you know what?

Mike said...

Sorry. Got things goin on.

Alice said...

this is totally helpful. with reasoning this sound, i don't have to worry about figuring out who to vote for on my own! i knew i liked this blog for a reason.

Cora said...

Okay. Done. I voted.

Pay up.

cube said...

Don't believe what the other contestants say, I voted for your blog.

LiLu said...

By the way, I was Textual Healing... I have no idea why it logged me in as that???? *insert spooky music here*

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

So, I just ended my exile and I see this. Humph. And I mentioned you in my return post too. I'll be back here under my desk, crying.

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine