Yes We Can! (And Yes You Better!)

I know all of you are getting excited about the holidays, but screw that for a minute, okay? There is something more important at hand: Blogger Award season.

For the second year in a row, I have been nominated for Blogger of the Year in Grant Miller Media's Drysdale Awards. And, also for the second year in a row, I'm already in serious danger of losing. Therefore, I am going to take this opportunity to shamelessly beg for your votes. But no election would be complete without a little mudslinging. So before I explain why I deserve this award, I will explain why the other candidates don't deserve it. (Hum some dramatic music to yourself while reading this list.)

Some Guy, Some Guy's Blog - I mean, this should really be self explanatory. Some Guy? You're going to trust just some guy?? Clearly he's hiding something. Who knows what...pedophilia, necrophilia? I can almost guarantee it's some sort of horrible philia.

Dr. Zibbs, That Blue Yak - Well, first of all the guy has the worst post titles. Like, if this post were a Zibbs post it would be titled, "Vote. Awards. Making Fun Of Other Bloggers. West Chester PA Something Something." Secondly, he's not even a real doctor.

LiLu, Livit Luvit - She's got a really cool boyfriend, nice hair, and about seven gazillion followers. Voting for her would be like voting Regina George for Spring Fling Queen. Don't be so damn obvious, people.

Stash Bednarik, Grant Miller Media - He is nothing but the Mr. Hyde to Grant Miller's Dr. Jekyll.

Grant Miller, Grant Miller Media - He's married.

Red, Gingers is the Watchword - She's a real, honest-to-God firecrotch. We all know they're nice to look at, but do you really want one running your Blogosphere?

Wendy Brandes, Wendy Brandes Jewelry - So, fabulous Ms. Wendy already has like 64% of the vote or something, eh? Oh, I suppose that having celebrity friends, a killer wardrobe, and a successful jewelry business aren't enough for her. Noooo, she has to steal the only award that some of us pathetic blogging cretins will ever win in our meaningless lives. Nice. Real nice. By the way, I totally saw her kick a kitten the other day. Just throwing that out there.

The Vegetable Assassin, s/t - Also a firecrotch. Worse, she's not American. EVEN WORSE, she doesn't think Ewan McGregor is hot.

God, The Other Side of Normal - Major God complex. Canadian. Need I say more?

Samurai Frog, Electronic Cerebrectomy - I really don't know this dude but he always does really well at movie trivia on No Smoking in the Skull Cave. So, I guess that means that he'll just be sitting around watching movies while the Blogosphere slowly burns.

The Imaginary Reviewer, The Imaginary Review - I hate to burst your bubbles people, but everything this guy says is MADE UP.

Gwen, Everything I Like Causes Cancer - Even worse than Wendy the kitty-kicker, Gwen actually stalked and cooked a kitten for Thanksgiving dinner. Seriously. Check her blog. The sicko documented it. (Sure, the gory parts were cut out, but we all know what happened.)

Now, on to why EYE deserve this award. I'm not sure why I have to explain this but, uh, I kinda kick ass. Also, I have clearly overestimated the importance of this award, which proves that I'm also kinda unstable. I can't be held responsible for what I'll do if I lose. And if I win, my promise from last year to put a hot tub in the Blogosphere's cafeteria still stands.

Okay, so everyone's ready to vote for me, yes? Well, clicky on the Drysdale below to fill out your ballots! You'll find all the award categories in GMM's left sidebar.
Note: I'm also up for Least Influential Political Blog and Blog With the Most Posts About John or Kate Gosselin. I don't care as much about these, but I'd happily take one or both. Especially the latter, just because I love irony. (This is the first post in which I've ever actually mentioned those two idiots by name. Fact! Go ahead and search! I don't lie like these other bloggers. )