Thursday, April 22, 2010

Because I Haven't Picked on Paris Hilton in a While

Keep looking at it. It's not getting any smaller.I knew she'd be back to annoy me one of these days.

Apparently, Paris is a big Gorillaz fan. Last weekend at Coachella (which Gorillaz closed out with their Sunday headline slot), the gangly aardvark nosed a bunch of people out of the way at the backstage bar to get to my #3 man, Damon Albarn. When she finally got to him, she kissed him on the cheek and then tried to keep his attention by blathering on about graffiti artist Banksy, who did the cover art for Blur's Think Tank. According to the story, Paris told Damon that she personally knew Banksy, even though the artist has long kept his identity secret.

Banksy ratOh, to have been a fly on the wall (or better yet, a human on Damon's lap) during that "conversation." Because I'm pretty sure that Paris represents everything that Damon (and every other normal, thinking person) hates. And I'm pretty sure Damon is one of the few people who actually knows "the real Banksy." Annnnd I'm pretty sure Paris was lying through her giant snout.

It could be true though. I mean, I'm sure a British cult hero who's worked so hard to remain anonymous would definitely befriend an American celebutard. Because there would be virtually no danger of her ever drunkenly tweeting his identity.
Damon Albarn is not buying what you're selling.
Nice try, Paris. Now, don't you have a halfway house to build? It's been two years since you made that promise. Hey, you should get your good pal Banksy to decorate the walls!


Victoria said...

the funniest thing about this is the fact that Banksy pulled a stunt when her album came out a few years ago in the UK where he switched out the CD's and inserts of her album with Banksy art and remixes.

So...maybe she knows him, but not in a friendly way I'm sure...Oh and keep your claws off Damon Paris!

Ed said...

I can't believe she hasn't Heath Ledger'ed yet.


Dannie said...

she makes me angry

Cormac Brown said...




(to Paris)
What, you're still here? Go away, shoo. You're done.

(to Becky)
Not unless the world takes Media Valtrex, I'm not.

katrocket said...

When Paris said she was going to build a halfway house, I'm pretty sure she meant another house for herself that weighs half as much as her current house.

Cora said...

Ugh. She makes me want to cut my own ears off every time I hear her yapping.

Alice said...

poor damon. no one deserves to have to stand next to paris while she's talking.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I had forgotten about the album switching, Victoria! Makes sense now, Paris knew she remembered the name from somewhere...

Gangly aardvark is my new absolute favourite name.

Penny said...


I kinda like Paris..I am not sure why..


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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