With Eyeliner Smeared, I Say, "Leave Gaga Alone!"

Well, gang, I've heard Lady Gaga's new song, "Born This Way" and it's fabulous. Yes, if you pay too much attention to the lyrics, you might start to feel like you've hit upon an Afterschool Musical Special, but considering some of the rather negative songs that dominate the pop charts, I guess I shouldn't judge the Lady for that. And it's one catchy son of a bitch. It might actually inspire me to head back to the gym because I was not born with these love handles, my little monsters.

Of course, I'm well aware of the similarities between the new song and Madonna's "Express Yourself" (which has itself often been called a sped-up reboot of The Staple Singers' "Respect Yourself") with a bit of "Vogue" thrown in for good measure. But I've pretty

much had it with everyone just dismissing Gaga as a Madonna clone. Partly because, if we're just talking vocally, Gaga is 10 times the singer that Madonna ever was. Also, Gaga doesn't have disgusting Gollum arms (but who knows what will happen after a few more decades). But mainly this irritates me because I seem to remember Madonna ripping off everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Grace Jones. But because Madonna is an icon now, everyone is forced to look back at her career with reverence as if she changed the faces of fashion and music, when she did neither. She was certainly hugely influential, but that doesn't mean that anything she did was original—especially not where music is concerned.

Exhibit A: All dance music essentially sounds the same.

Exhibit B: The aformentioned Staple Singers melody-borrowing

Exhibit C: "Papa Don't Preach" vs. "Sugar Don't Bite"

Exhibit D: A songwriter named Aisha collected a shit-ton of evidence to prove that Madonna is a thief, some of which is weak, but some of which is pretty compelling.

I just can't grasp why everyone wants to harp on this when, if you turn on pop radio right now, you won't hear one song that you can't compare to something else...and Top 40 fans swallow it all down. But now they want to diss Gaga for wearing her influences on her sleeve or pointy shoulder pad or whatever the hell she's wearing. It doesn't really make sense. I mean, you barely heard a peep when Jason Derulo jacked the middle part of Gaga's "Just Dance" for his song "In My Head." And Ryan Tedder, whose songs all sound alike, has no problem saying that Gaga's new song is just a Madonna retread, but whined like a baby when Kelly Clarkson pointed out (rightly) that the song he gave her, "Already Gone" was just Beyonce's "Halo" with some subtle differences. It's all a little hypocritical, isn't it? But I guess everyone is going to pounce on Gaga because she's the big star of the moment. If she's still around in another 20 years, everyone will talk about her like she was a brilliant visionary and act like they never doubted her for a second.

Look, if you listen to pop or dance music, I hate to tell you, but it's pretty much all been done. And really, you probably don't listen to that kind of music for any deep meaning. At least I hope you don't. I sure don't. Even though I know that Gaga is actually trying to convey a message with this song, all I care about is that it has an awesome groove that will make cute gay boys take off their clothes and dance around in their underwear. And that is something that I can always get behind.