Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What's Pissing Me Off Now

There's always a list.

1. Royal Nonsense
Good Lord. I cannot wait until this royal wedding is over. I guess I should be happy that Prince William is marrying someone who isn't his horse-faced cousin, but the fact is that I REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE. And why should I? Maybe if I were British, it would kind of make sense. (But being British wouldn't even really be a good excuse.) I think I've mentioned before that I just don't get Americans' excitement over this nonsense. Well, I still don't get it. These aren't even our obscenely rich do-nothings. They're just more damn foreigners taking things—namely, the spotlight—away from hardly-working Americans—namely, Lindsay Lohan.

And I thought I'd seen and heard just about every inane thing the media could possibly come up with, but then I found this ad for the "Future Princess Kate Middleton Fashion Figurine Collection." High demand is expected. ORDER TODAY! Or don't order it and continue on with your life, content in the knowledge that you are a perfectly sane human being.

2. Constant ads for The Voice
Stop trying to make The Voice happen, NBC! It's not gonna happen! I don't think it's just me who feels this way. I'm pretty sure no one cares. It's trying to be the antidote to shows like American Idol that focus on image as much as vocal talent but I don't buy for one second that they A) don't already know what these people look like, B) will let the offensively ugly audition, or C) won't try to make everyone over. Basically, this show is just a venue for Christina Aguilera to try to rehab her public image and make one last grasp at relevance, as well as an excuse for NBC to buy fancy chairs that spin around. The only way I would ever watch is if I could get a promise that someone would call Adam Levine a turd to his face. Seriously, who would willingly let that guy mentor them??

3. Glee/Gwyneth Paltrow
These both made my last list as separate entries, but I've decided to combine them considering that they've somehow become ONE. Hey, Ryan Murphy, here's an idea: if Gwynnie is your muse and you adore her so much, why don't you create a completely new show just for her? And then those of us who want to watch Glee won't have to be force-fed her annoying, trying-too-hard-to-be-hip character (or is it the actress who's trying too hard?) and her marginal singing talent. Since when did the show become all about a substitute teacher? Oh, probably since it started to suck.

Speaking of sucking, here's another idea, Mr. Murphy: FIX THE SHOW. Stop trying to figure out how many episodes you can jam Holly Holiday into and start trying to figure out why the dialogue has become so cheesy or why all the characters have become so unlikable or why you're dangerously veering into Afterschool Special territory. I'm all for using your power for the good of the gays, but if the leaked spoiler (stop reading now, anyone who hasn't heard about this and doesn't want to) about Kurt and Karofsky being voted Prom Queen and King, respectively, is true, well, that's just stupid. And not just because it would never happen in real life (because that never stopped me from enjoying the football team's "Single Ladies" dance) but because it would never even happen in the Glee-niverse that you've created. If the idea is to teach a lesson about acceptance, I'm not sure that making an over-the-top joke of Karofsky's apparent coming out is the most effective way to do that.

However, as much as I complain, I am DVRing the show tonight, mainly because I've been promised more Lady Gaga. And I will certainly be watching the final three episodes, mainly because I've been promised the return of Jonathan Groff. Oh, that gives me another idea, Mr. Murphy: scratch that Gwyneth-starring vehicle and create a new show for J-Groff. I won't even care about the dialogue.

4. Guilty Pleasures
I know I've mentioned often how much I hate the term "guilty pleasure." I just think it's ridiculous to be ashamed to like what you like. (How exhausting must it be to be a hipster?) For instance, I love Hanson's "Mmmbop," and I'll make no damn apologies for it. So, I was kind of annoyed when Dancing with the Stars used "guilty pleasures" as its theme last night. For one thing, isn't that kind of like the pot calling the kettle stupid? Really, is everyone proud of the fact that they watch DWTS? Hell, I'm only watching it this season because of Hines Ward and The Karate Kid. Still, I watch it and I'm not embarrassed to say so. For another thing, who would ever call "Don't Stop Believing" a guilty pleasure?? How about a muthahumpin' anthem?? And who would ever try to tango to said muthahumpin' anthem? It just didn't work. But anyway, in addition to the house band, Hanson were there to not only perform "Mmmbop" at the top of the show but to also sing snippets of other "guilty pleasure" songs like "Achy Breaky Heart" and "Ice Ice Baby." Should I feel guilty that I know all the words to all of those songs? Well, I don't. And should I feel guilty that I totally have an old lady crush on Taylor Hanson? Eff that. I'd feel guilty if I didn't show my appreciation for how fine he's grown.

5. Pearl Jam
I know...crazy, right? Well, OK, so I could never be really pissed off at them. But I've been waiting for what feels like ages for them to announce when and where their mythical summer festival will be held. Boys, I have a summer to plan! And I want you to be in it!

12 comments:

Nice Girls In Coffee Shops said...

Well, I can't speak for the rest of Pearl Jam, but I did hear that Eddie Vedder is doing a tour which I KNOW is coming through the Pacific Northwest at least (where else?) where he will be doing his entire show on the ukulele. Yes, you read that right.

BeckEye said...

NGICS: Oh believe me, I know. I tried to get Ten Club pre-sale tickets for Eddie's Philly show and got shut out. Then there was a 2nd pre-sale, which I got shut out of as well. Then tried through the public Ticketmaster sale, which is a joke because those evil bastards must sell half of their tickets to scalpers. I'll try again closer to the date of the show because sometimes they release tickets later, but I'm not holding my breath.

Travis Cody said...

My issue with Glee has always been that stereotypes, cruelty, and bullying just don't entertain me. I've watched for the musical numbers, and even those haven't measured up this season.

And if I had a teenager in high school, and he came home and said he either witnessed or was a victim of a teacher storming down a hallway shoving students into walls and lockers, I'd be at that school in a heartbeat demanding that teacher's suspension and a full criminal investigation. I don't find the creepy and criminal behavior of these "educators" entertaining either.

I'll likely stick out the rest of the season with mute and fast forward at the ready, but I'm unlikely to return for a third season.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

At a local seniors' home, the inmates are putting on an enactment of the royal wedding. True story! More than slightly sad and creepy.

The Real said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Johnson said...

Amen sister. Though you're on your own with Hanson. Sorry. Also, I feel like there probably are some "guilty pleasures" e.g. stealing a bike gives you boner, etc. thought I agree that musical tastes wouldn't fall under this category.

Mnmom said...

My arguement with GLEE lately is they seem to be just switching around romantic partners within the glee club, and it's getting old. And would someone coach Rachel and Kurt to sing without sticking out their tongues please???

DWTS - I'd rather chew on tin foil. Except when Cloris Leachman was on.

Cora said...

Seriously? Kate Middleton figurines? Really? Oh God, I bet my mom has already bought one!

erri said...

Hi...i read you all the time,im from the Pgh area,still in Pa though.Im a Huge Pearl Jam fan,have been for a long long time myself.Same as with you i got shut out for tix,like you said maybe there'll be hope closer to the time.

Glee....aghh...never got into it for some reason,same with DWTS.Im also bout ready to give up Idol as well,kinda lost interest when Adam didnt win and Crystal lost last year.

Knot said...

Americans have their own royalty. It's called the U.S. Government and Hollywood.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I love when you get all pissy. It amuses me greatly. And it's all about me when it's all said and done. Take THAT William and Kate.

Glee sucks. Season 1 hadn't even ended and I'd decided it sucked. IT started off so well too but then got up its own ass so fast with the cheese and the vehicle for guest celebrities that I just yawned and gave up. Way to ruin what was a refreshingly different show, asshats.

Oh well.

words...words...words... said...

I am on board with ALL of this. Especially the wedding and The Voice. I'm tired of this show and it hasn't even been on yet.

 

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