Friday, April 13, 2007

Freaky Friday



Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! Today's story features two obnoxious, sex-crazed kids. Where is Jason Vorhees when you need him?



So, just call me a cross between Match.com and Miss Cleo. It appears that Her Royal Skankness, Lindsay Lohan, has taken my dating advice to heart. The latest buzz is that Hollywood's two most screwed-up hyphenated hyphenates, Li-Lo and K-Fed, have parlayed a disgusting tryst into a full-fledged relationship.

I realize that this was reported in the National Enquirer, but I'm choosing to believe it, okay? Why not? As I've said before, these two are perfect for each other. They've both got the whole '70s-porn-star look down and neither has a shred of dignity. I know that, judging by that criteria, the Kevin-Britney union should've lasted forever, but in celeb time, two years is forever. I'm not saying that this new coupling is destined for greatness, but it's destined to at least provide us all with a few weeks worth of laughs and/or revulsion.

All the dynamic duo needs now is the mandatory celeb-couple nickname. Kevsay? Kevlin? Loline? Federhan? K-Lo? Lo-Fed? Federwhore? What do you all think?

16 comments:

Ellie said...

atleast they won't be passing each other anymore diseases.

Ick.

Flannery Alden said...

Federwhore! That's my vote. Though, I am a Lohan fan from way back in the Parent Trap days.

Alas, she has sunk to unimaginable lows.

Les Becker said...

Gotta agree with flannery on this one - if only 'cuz "Federwhore" is so much damn fun to say out loud.

Layla (aka Barbara) said...

gotta be Ferderwhore....

You are so funny, I NEEEEEDED to laugh today, thank you!

Doug said...

loafed?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

This is excellent news! They deserve each other.

Federwhore is a keeper, but certainly must be tempered with Whorehan, as the label suits both parties.

Actually Federwhore-Whorehan would work for those formal occasions.

deadspot said...

I'm going to buck the trend and go with Lo-Fed.

I think it's a little bit tragic how she turned from an adorable little kid into the celebrity skank du jour, and despite my well-documented propensity for mockery I just can't bring myself to call them Federwhore.

Besides, someone needs to give that girl a sammich, and maybe if they keep hearing "low fed" they'll remember.

BeckEye said...

Ellie - Maybe if they keep passing the ones they have back and forth to each other, somehow they'll cure each other. Or they'll just create super, indestructable, mutated STDs that will kill us all, eventually.

Flannery - I liked her in the Parent Trap too. I have a hard time believing it's the same girl. I'm starting to suspect that it wasn't Lindsay playing both roles and that there were really two of them...and she's done something horrible to the good twin. I think the good twin was last seen in "Mean Girls," which is really a hilarious movie, and now she's chained to the wall in Paris Hilton's wine cellar or something.

Les - It is funny. And so much better than clunky Brangelina.

Layla - You're welcome, m'dear.

Doug - Sounds like MeatLoaf's new hidden camera show. Oh no, I shouldn't have even put that thought out into the universe. Don't even think about it, MTV.

Barbara - Do you think these two will be invited to many formal occasions?

Deadspot - I found Lo-Fed pretty funny too. Although if the press started calling them that, people might mistakenly think that they're just talking about Nicole Richie and Lara Flynn Boyle. It could get a little confusing.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Dang, you scooped me! No one can stay ahead of the all-seeing PopEye!

I would've gone with "Lo-Fed," though "Federwhore" has an interesting tone to it.

Howzabout "Ko-Laine?" It's rehab-riffic!

The Randomness said...

lol...when I read ths I was like "SHUT UP!!!" I am going with FerderHo (it will get shortened lol. This has nothing to do with Imus...gosh its getting incredily hard to say anything...pretty soon we will need sign language, internetsign anyone?

Turnbaby said...

What do I think? I think I threw up a little in my mouth--ewwwwwwwwww

QueenieCarly said...

I'm with deadspot. Lo-Fed just has a certain ring to it.

cube said...

You must be a visionary to see that train wreck relationship coming.

I'm with Lo-Fed, because unless you're a hip hop "artist", one must be careful who you call the-word- that-ends-in -ore or -o. We are living in strange times ;-)

My advice to Li-Lo is... birth control & lots of it. That K-Fed is one fertile dude.

ButterflyInTheWind said...

A match made in Heaven. Wonder when she will announce her pregnancy....

Bond said...

How about Puke-Two or LindsLine or LOSERS

Les Becker said...

I just have to jump back in to let The Randomness know why resorting to sign language is NOT gonna work...
http://tinyurl.com/6deow

Nope. We're all gonna end up stoned to death by morons (is it still okay to say "morons"?).

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine