Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:
Adam Lambert, Single: Yay! Adam Lambert's Single: Boo! - In this week's Idol-related news, Madame "I'm Not Bisexual But I Play One in the Fan Mags" Glambert recently broke up with his BF Drake LaBry, setting the stage for many "conversion" attempts by misguided, obsessed female fans. And last weekend, his new single, "For Your Entertainment" dropped like a sparkly dingleberry from a unicorn's bum, making quite a splash on radio and the Internet. The bigger splash came from my bitter, disappointed tears upon hearing the bondage fantasy song, a horribly overproduced mish-mash of Britneyesque clichés. Soon after, I came upon Lady GaGa's original demo for the totally fab song she gave Adam, "Fever," and felt a surge of hope. So, I checked out the 30-second samples of every song on the record and went back to feeling meh. And maybe "meh" is being generous. It sounds like all of the original charm has been sucked out of the Lady GaGa song and most of the other tunes are just the same old, generic radio gaga. The Pink song ("Whataya Want From Me") sounds like Pink (whom I normally like), the Ryan Tedder song ("Sleepwalker") sounds like everything else he writes, the Kara DioGuardi tracks ("Strut," "If I Had You") sound like shit (go figure), "Soaked" is like a bad off-off Broadway number, "Sure Fire Winners" is just plain ridonk, and nothing else is even worth mentioning. The only ones I kind of like based on the brief snippets are "Aftermath," even if it is somewhat generic in a combined Kelly Clarkson/David Cook sort of way, and the lead-off track, "Music Again," ONLY because it's essentially a hilarious '80s metal parody, which isn't surprising considering that it was written by The Darkness' Justin Hawkins. Hopefully though, my ability to judge songs on cursory half-minute listens isn't as good as I think it is, and this album will actually have the power to cure hunger and create permanent rainbows, as I originally thought.
Chris Brown Fights Adam Lambert For "Gayest Album Cover Ever" Crown - The cover art for Woman Beater's new record, Graffiti, debuted online on Monday to mixed fan reviews. I'm not really sure what there is to feel "mixed" about, as the cover is just about the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen, next to P. Diddly's face. Chris wasn't too happy about some of the online comments, and is about ready to punch the next person to mock the outer-spacey cover art or question his sexuality (as long as that person is a girl under 5'7"). He's since taken down his Twitter response, "WHO CARES IF MY PANTS R FITTED...IT'S CALLED FASHION," probably because his publicist told him he sounded like a damn fool and/or Kanye threatened to sue for caps-lock messaging infringement. But really, who does care about his pants when he's holding a guitar in the picture? That's what I care about...it's called false advertising.
Rihanna Breaks Her Silence About Chris Brown's Abuse - Ten months after getting beaten up by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna finally talks about it in the December issue of Glamour, as well as in an interview with Diane Sawyer, set to air on tomorrow's GMA and Friday's 20/20. She told Glamour that the positive thing to come out of the incident is that she can now be the voice of battered women everywhere. I suppose that's all very nice, but it seems a bit shady that she's deciding to talk about this now, when she's gearing up to promote her new record. I mean, it's not like anyone expected her to start talking about it the next day, but if she really wanted to help victims of abuse, why would she have kept quiet for nearly a whole year? I don't want to be too cynical, but it's hard not to when the Glamour interviewer follows up one of Rihanna's responses about her "message to women" with this question: "I think that’s a great message. What about your new album? What’s it like?" Niiiiice segue.
Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin Sign On To Host Oscars - I'm all for this pairing and I'm sure it will be great. They're both funny guys. But I can't quite celebrate this news yet. I just need a week or two to get over the fact that Hugh "Best Host Ever" Jackman won't be returning. I suppose that means the Craigslist Dancers won't be back either. *sniff*
Can You Tell Me How To Get To That 40th Anniversary Party? - Hugh Jackman (and Paul Rudd!) will be appearing on Sesame Street this season, as the show celebrates 40 years on TV. The anniversary show, guest-starring Michelle Obama, will air next Tuesday. In honor of this milestone, please enjoy my favorite Sesame Street video ever, the classic "Born to Add" by Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band. (I mentioned it and my general love of Sesame Street once before in this ancient post.)
And Cookie Monster sez...
|"C is for caption contest. Don't forget to enter this month's! Me want funny captions!!"|