Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Simon Fuller and Ken Warwick Owe Me Money

Ok, so now I'm convinced that powerful TV mogul-types actually read my blog. I just read the announcement in TV Guide that American Idol creator, Simon Fuller, is creating a songwriting contest called Composer Idol (wt). The new contest will run during AI's Final 12, and the winner gets to compose the new American Idol winner's first single.

Now, where have I heard this idea before? Hmmmm.....where was it? Oh, I know! Right here on The Pop Eye. I came up with this concept last year after I almost vomited up my small intestine upon hearing "I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven." See for yourself by taking a stroll down "I-thought-of-that-first" lane:

Bastards. Of course, the judges of the songwriting competition will probably be Diane Warren, David Hasselhoff and uh....I don't know...probably some rude British person. Therefore, they will reward songs that fit the traditional AI single mold, and we'll all find out that undiscovered crap is a lot more common than undiscovered talent.

The Girl Who Spoke Too Soon

Well, kids....the medical saga is not over. Apparently I have a much worse infection than I ever thought possible, which is hell-bent on ruining my life. (I'm going with the current theory that my body is actually rejecting living in New Jersey.) Whatever it is, I may need to be hospitalized for it and hooked up to the old IV. I might need the super-duper antibiotics. (Maybe I can sweet talk them into a nice morphine drip too, just for kicks?) So, tomorrow is the day of reckoning - I'll find out if I need to be admitted or not. If you don't hear from me for a while, assume the former has happened.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Pluto, You'll Always Be a Star to Me

The latest news from the nerdery is that Pluto is no longer a planet. When asked to comment on the International Astronomical Union's ruling, Tanya Hill, curator of astronomy at Melbourne Planetarium, said, "I certainly agree with the decision." Upon hearing this, Patricia Tombaugh, widow of the man who discovered Pluto, replied, "Tanya, I do believe you're talking out of uranus."

In a related story, Walt Disney Studios announced today that the beloved character, Pluto, will no longer be classified as Mickey Mouse's dog. He will now be considered Mick's "longtime companion."

Still no word on what the hell Goofy's deal is.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Brit Sure Knows How To Pick 'Em

If you're a single woman out on the prowl for Mr. Right, I think Britney Spears would be a fantastic person to take along on your man-hunts. It would be such a great way to weed out the losers and supremely revolting specimens. You could be assured that any man she would approve of is not worth a second glance.

Let's look at the obvious - current hubby, K-Fed. We all know he's nothing but a white-trash sperm bank. I guess that would make him a sperm trailer. So, ok fine. Let him laze around Britney's house all day in his wife beater, waiting for her to ovulate. She doesn't seem to mind, so why should I? I don't. But why couldn't he just be happy riding the gravy train? Why did he have to inflict his "music" on us all?

I know I shouldn't have, especially after seeing those online clips of him in the recording studio, but I stopped flipping through the dial the other night when I saw that he was going to be performing on the Teen Choice Awards. I do have a limit, so I only got through about 30 seconds of it. Why did I even stop to begin with? What was I expecting? I should know not to even expect comic relief from that numbskull. I guess it was the old car wreck theory. You can't look away...until you see a real casualty. That's K-Fed. The bloody, mangled corpse on the freeway of funk. But it's his own fault, really. He had no business being out there on that road. I think even Vanilla Ice would agree with me on this one.

Then we have Brit's former flame, Justin Timberlake. I actually used to kind of like Justin. I enjoyed the occasional 'N Sync tune, and I liked the song where he rocked Janet's booby, er, body. He used to be a bit goofy, which I found endearing. I don't know what happened to him, but suddenly he's a gigantic tool. He's been trying waaaay too hard to shed the former teen idol image. Oooooh, he's done drugs. Oooooh, he's wearing skull caps. Ooooh, he drops some F-bombs in his new song. Ooooh, he's dating Cameron Diaz. Yeah, come on, you know it takes one hell of a tough man to put up with her.

He says he's bringing Sexy back. Evidently, Justin's idea of Sexy is a song that's more monotonous than 50 Cent's "In Da Club," if such a thing is even possible. I have news for you, T-Lake. Sexy never went away. Even if it did, I don't think you're qualified to bring it back. And, Justin, you are NOT Prince. The Purple One is out there working up a black sweat and you just have plain old white B.O.

And when lyrical vomit isn't coming out of his mouth, he's talking himself into a giant hole. He recently trashed American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks, saying, "he can't carry a tune in a bucket." He continued, "I have a strange relationship with that show...I despise it, and yet I'm completely fascinated." Awwwww, look. Isn't that cute? Justin is trying to jump on the "legitmate artist" bandwagon by decrying AI. Somehow, the idea of someone like Justin - an overhyped, image-conscious, Mickey Mouse-loving product of Boy Band Industries, Inc. - belittling a show like American Idol does not compute. Maybe he's still pissed that he never won the big prize on Star Search as a kid. Maybe he has a bad association with Taylor Hicks. Maybe Taylor's gray head of hair reminds him of Ed McMahon. Who knows.

I just wish that Britney's boys could be more like her first husband, Jason Alexander. He had his 15 minutes of fame as Brit's boy-toy and is now content to live out of the spotlight, only popping up as an occasional punch line or an answer to a Trivial Pursuit question. She should've hung on to him.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Don't Call it a Comeback...

I'm back, kids. I really could've started blogging a couple of weeks ago, but I've had some weird things going on (in addition to the medical stuff) that have put me in a funk and not at all in the mood for it. But, hopefully I'm over all that and am ready to get back in the saddle.

I thought about doing a brief overview about what's been going on this past month, but it's really not that interesting. Lance Bass is gay (shock of shocks!), more celeb couples broke up (Carmen and Dave, Kate and Chris), and Mel Gibson revealed that he's not a fun drunk. Whatever. I stick to the things that interest me. And since I've been spending a lot of time at home these days, most of those "things" are on the TV.

So let me start off with some news on one of my addictions - Project Runway. I love, love, love this show. However, since it is a reality show designed to grab ratings, I obviously don't agree with everything that goes on. Like every other reality show, sometimes the judges' choices are so transparently made for them by the producers that it almost makes me not want to watch.

Case in point, last week's cut of Allison. The challenge was to make clothes out of recycled materials. To put it more accurately, the designers were set loose in a recycling center (aka "garbage dump") in Newark and expected to find junk to make an outfit with. It reminded me of the Derelict campaign in Zoolander. I was waiting for Mugatu to come jumping out of the shadows at some point and start insulting everyone. That would have actually been fun.

Anyway, Allison was having some problems with her design so she scrapped her original idea and tried coming up with something else. Her entire dress was made out of paper. It really didn't look great, but compared to goofy Vincent's "walking art," it was stunning. Basically, Vincent took a giant 4th grade art project and slapped it on his model, and was actually proud of it. It came down to Vincent and Allison, and I knew that they were going to vote off Allison. Vincent is very weird - in fact, most of the other designers seem to think he might really be insane. Therefore, we all know that the "crazy one" can't be eliminated this early. They have to leave the wack jobs on because it's supposedly good TV. Allison is very mellow and polite, so she brings nothing to the show. Oh, except for the fact that all of her designs up to this point have been awesome, and some of Vincent's have been pretty questionable. Being that this is a show about fashion, you'd think that might mean something. But, as was demonstrated last week, the cynical view is correct. Project Runway cares more about ratings than finding the next great designer. Because Allison could definitely have been it. I'm not saying she was a shoo-in, but I think she should have made it to at least the top 3 or 4.

On the flip-side of reality-TV conpiracy theories, I think that So You Think You Can Dance? was judged pretty fairly. I was a bit surprised that Benji ended up winning it all, but only slightly. I thought Travis was the best dancer, and he seemed to be a fan and judge favorite. But every week, Benji seemed to get the loudest screams, so I thought he might end up pulling it out. I was kind of pulling for Heidi too. She was a pretty amazing dancer. Still, I liked all the dancers in the top 4 so I really have no problem with the result.

The one problem I did have was the constant comments on Donyelle's "booty" and hearing other people (including my roommate) refer to her as the "bigger girl." What the hell?? I just read in TV Guide that she is a size 10. Sure, she looks bigger next to Heidi who is a size 0, but so what? She's voluptuous and athletic. I felt like there were way too many sly little comments being made about her size. It's ridiculous that a size 10 is considered big these days.

Then there is the latest incarnation of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge - Fresh Meat. First thing I noticed? No Timmy. Booooooo. It's still been kind of an enjoyable diversion. Human turd, Wes, is always being voted into Exile, which is kind of amusing. However, he and his whiny wasteoid partner, Casey, always manage to win and get to stay on the show. Not sure how they're doing it. And then the strongest team, Coral and Evan, had to leave due to medical problems. Coral never fails to crack me up, so I was bummed to see her go. Now, I really don't know who I want to win. I like fresh meat Kenny, but can't stand his partner, big-mouth Tina. I like fresh meat Chanda, but Theo kind of gets on my nerves. I guess Derrick and Diem are my pick right now. Maybe Darrell and Aviv. Who knows. I just want all these kids to get real jobs.

Finally, I have to admit that I got hooked on another MTV show, Making the Band 3. I can't stand Puff the Magic Diddy or whatever dumb-ass name he goes by now, but the show was always interesting to watch. Not to mention that Diddy always came off as the giant jackass that I imagine him to be, so it was kind of refreshing that MTV didn't try to make him seem like a nice guy. He didn't make anyone walk to Brooklyn to buy him cheesecake like in the first season, but he still acted like a major ass clown. I loved watching him try to tell the girls that they needed to "bring it," and other annoying cliches. Why didn't he just save everyone some time and say, "Hey girls, pick out some songs that are already popular, we'll sample them and call them new songs and then you can just kind of yammer some crappy new lyrics over the beat and we'll all get rich. It worked for me!"

Luckily, the girls of Danity Kane (yes, the name they chose is quite stupid) are much more talented, hard-working and likable than their boss. Well, most of them are likable. Aubrey's constant whining about only being recognized for being pretty got old really fast. Please. As if she doesn't use her looks to get everything she wants on a regular basis.

I can't figure out why they chose to go with "Showstopper" as their first single. I'm guessing this was a Diddy decision. Yeah, he's an idiot. There were a bunch of new songs previewed throughout the show's run and a lot of them were very catchy. However, "Showstopper" is one of the most annoying songs I've heard in a long time.

So, that's what's been on my mind recently. I have some other things rolling around in my head, but I'll get to that stuff later. Don't want to strain myself on the first day back!


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine