Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week...and Some Comedy

Since my last post mentioned the late Charles Nelson Reilly, I was reminded of two videos that I just had to share.

The first is from a band not named after CNR's middle name but, just for today, let's pretend that they were. I'm sure everyone remembers Nelson and their huge hit, "Love and Affection," but how many of you remember this follow-up single, "After the Rain?" The video is a true chunk of '80s awesomeness...with an important lesson. If you're having family problems, all you need are headphones. They will transport you from your dull, black and white life to a magical underground Indian world where everyone eats peyote (offscreen) and jams out to colorful, pretty-boy rock.

Now, I'm sure many of you thought that the preceding video was the "comedy" portion of this post, but you're in for a treat! That was actually the forgotten classic music video, so the laughs (or more laughs) are still on tap.

Every time I think of Charles Nelson Reilly now, I can't help but think of this great segment from SNL. It was one of the many Inside the Actor's Studio parodies, starring one of my many future husbands, Will Ferrell, as James Lipton. This may have actually been the first Lipton skit, and it's certainly the funniest. Great guest host Alec Baldwin plays Reilly with not only humor, but a kind of sweetness that makes me think that the real CNR was probably pulling on his glasses and laughing uproariously upon seeing this sketch. This segment was also the origin of quite possibly the best made-up word ever: scrumptrulescent. There are so many hilarious lines in this that I can't even pick a favorite - although the bit about CNR making Gandhi look like a child pornographer is pretty close to tops!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Post-Memorial Day Memorial Post

Let's all bow our heads in a moment of silence for...

<---This cute
little girl who became...

this coked-up gutter slut. --->

* Publicists. They may just be extinct soon. First, Paris blames hers for all of her misdeeds and now Britney Spears forgoes the pros and tries to appeal to the public in her own prose. Yee-ikes. Sure, why bother releasing a well-written, grammatically correct statement when you can just blather aimlessly on your website? Of course, pasting a half-naked picture of yourself next to your open letter will make up for some of the incoherency. At least for your male fans.

* Original movies. Nearly every movie in theaters right now a sequel. Or I guess I should say a "threequel." Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Shrek the III, Oceans Thirteen...what's next? Don't say Grease 3. Do NOT say Grease 3.

* Charles Nelson Reilly. No joke here. He passed away on Friday. He was one _______ cat.

(I filled in the blank with "cool." Who matched?)

Friday, May 25, 2007

Flashback Friday: Hands Across America

Here's a flashback designed to weed out the true '80s kids! Where were you when we were all holding hands?

It was 21 years ago today that millions of people stood around, clasping paws with strangers (that's where all these crazy staph infections started, I bet), swaying and singing along to a truly awful song, even by benefit-song standards. It was Hands Across America, an offshoot of USA For Africa, staged to raise money for the hungry and homeless.

It seemed like a great idea on paper, but logistically, it just didn't work. The goal was to form a human chain from New York to California, but there were large gaps all across the U.S. According to Wikipedia, there were, in fact, enough people participating "to form an unbroken chain across the country if the path were a straight line. In order to allow the maximum number of people to participate, the path linked major cities and meandered back and forth within the cities."

I was in Pittsburgh during the event, and I can clearly remember seeing the ends of the lines we formed around the old Three Rivers Stadium. I was a bit let down after the whole thing. But at least I can say I was there. And you better believe I have photographic evidence of my participation! This is the part where everyone gets to laugh at my expense. Yay!

Photo 1 offers a great wide shot of my sister and I, along with some of the other folks who bothered to get off of their couches and come out that day. Yeah, you know, unless it's a Steeler rally or a Clarks concert, Pittsburghers aren't really that motivated to stand around outside for any length of time. Especially if they're expected to stay sober.

Photo 2 offers a better look at my fab ensemble, complete with Risky Business shades, and the embarassing steel-wool pouf that was my hair. I only wish that my feet hadn't gotten cut out of this pic so you could all see my old, beloved pink canvas shoes. Of course, you can click on these pics for bigger versions, in which you can vaguely make out the shoes in Photo 1.

One only needs to look at the three girls on the right to realize that I was totally in fashion. We're all wearing a variation of the same color palette and had obviously used quite a bit of Aqua Net, Rave or White Rain hairspray. The funniest part of this picture, for me, isn't me, strangely enough. I found this photo during my last trip home and when I saw it, I thought to myself, Who is that guy I'm holding hands with? It took me about a minute to figure out that it was my brother, Dutch. (No, my parents didn't name him Dutch, but that's his nickname these days.) What's even funnier is that Dutch didn't recognize his former self right off the bat either. Hey, I may cringe when I see old pics of myself, but at least I know who I am!

I was going to post the official video, but can't seem to find the whole thing anywhere. But if you're really jonesin' for some hand-action, you can see part of the original promo here. Man, if I could've stood in line between Crockett and Tubbs, I would've never washed my hands again.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Finale: This is Your Amazonian Idol

Are those jazz hands or spirit fingers?

I'm sure everyone knows by now that Jordin Sparks won the whole shebang. I've already been chided by one of my readers (*cough*Les*cough*) for not having the Finale recap up here immediately. So away we go...better late than never.

Last night marked the return of the Annual Ad Salesman's Wet Dream and, to paraphrase that Donutty guy, I can't believe I watched the whole thing. Usually I skip all the two hours of filler and tune in for the last five minutes or so, but I had nothing else to do. Since it might take more than two hours to break the show down chronologically, I'll just give you the highs and lows.

The Good:

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. The first and best American Idol came back to strut her stuff and perform her new single, "Never Again." She's sticking with the slightly hard-edged pop that made Breakaway a hit record, and pumping up the volume just a little more. I love her. However, I did not love the schoolgirl-dominatrix outfit she was wearing, and some of the camera angles just weren't working for her. I can't get away with the mini-skirt/mid-thigh boots look, and neither can Kelly. Our thighs just ain't having it.

Blake beatboxing with Doug E. Fresh. I don't really know if I enjoyed the whole "song," but the beatboxing showdown was fun and it brought a smile to my face to know that Clive Davis and the Idol producers probably had to be difibrillated backstage while watching that performance.

Melinda and LaKisha singing with Gladys Knight. There was actually a whole medley of "Heard it Through the Grapevine"/"I Feel a Song in My Heart"/"Midnight Train to Georgia" with Gladys and the Top 6 girls, but most of that was forgettable or downright nauseating, thanks to the return of Haley. But, during "Midnight Train to Georgia," Melinda and LaKisha got some QT with Ms. Knight, blowing all those other broads off the stage.

Tony Bennett getting over his flu. Finally, he made up for his replacement from Classics week, Michael Buble. I've never thought Tony had the best voice in the world, but he's just so cool. As Randy would say, he's got the "yo factor." He did a nice version of "For Once in My Life," while Paula and Simon gazed longingly at him. I thought Simon might throw his tighty whities onstage, but he maintained his composure. Tony brought the class, baby, and got a big standing O for it.

Melinda singing with BeBe and CeCe Wynans. It was a nice moment, seeing Melinda singing "Hold Up the Light" with the folks she used to sing backup for. She sounded flawless, as usual.

Green Day performing John Lennon's "Working Class Hero." I'm not a huge Green Day fan, but I like them well enough. I wasn't jumping up and down during this performance, but it was good. I used to have a crush on Billy Joe when I was in college, and there was an R.A. in my dorm who looked exactly like him. I never hooked up with either one.

Taylor Hicks singing his new song, "Heaven Knows." Now, Taylor isn't my favorite Idol (obviously that's Kelly) and sometimes I think he's kind of a doofus (sorry, Turnbaby!) but I was pulling for him to win last year, and he reminded me why last night. His performance was just full of fun. He always struck me as a guy who really loves music and is just happy to be onstage. His vocals were right on, but that jacket...yowsa. That jacket should've been burned. It looked like it was made out of funeral home drapes.

Jordin dueting with...Ruben Studdard? Yeah, I know, right? I liked this? Surprisingly, yes. I've always found Ruben's vocal range seriously limited, but he sounded great last night. He and Jordin meshed really well together on "You're All I Need to Get By." My roommate put it best: "They look like a Pastor and his wife revving up the congregation." Agreed. That would be a fun church service.

Bette Midler!? Where the heck did she come from? I've never been a rabid Bette fan, but having a gay roommate precludes me from saying anything bad about her. I didn't think she was bad last night, but she did hit a few "pitchy" spots. And of course she had to sing that damn "Wind Beneath My Wings," which is right up there with "Greatest Love of All" in the "songs that make me want to stick a fork in my eye" category. But, whatever. Bette's a pretty cool chick. Still, I wish she would've sung the song from Rochelle, Rochelle.

The Bad:

The Top 6 Guys. Boooooo-ring. They all came out in white suits to sing - yay! - another medley! You all know how much I love medleys. The boys started with "Ooh Baby Baby," and then were joined by Smokey Robinson and his brand new face for "Being With You"/"Tears of a Clown." Now, Smokey wasn't that bad, so I mean no disrespect to him when I ask - Who could watch this and then willingly buy tickets to the Idol tour?

The Golden Idol Awards. This was just a chance for the producers to bring back some of the "best of the worst" so Seacrest could make fun of them.

A Constantine Maroulis sighting. Yeah, I saw him sitting there behind Ryan, pouting and making his googly eyes at the camera while Seacrest was trying to introduce Tony Bennett. God, that guy is a greaseball and a half.

The last Ford commercial of the year. They always suck, but this one didn't even seem to have a coherent theme. The Top 12 were in a freakshow, then at a bubble party, then they were all cowboys...I didn't get it. And worse, they had to go and destroy Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" for no reason.

Jordin and Blake getting brand new Mustangs. Punks!! Instant fame isn't enough, apparently. They both get to drive away in my dream car. Grrrr.

Carrie Underwood performing "I'll Stand By You." First of all, this cover is hardly a minute old and it's played out already. Secondly, the vocals were not very good. Now, I like Carrie, but this was definitely not her best performance. It sounded like the words kept getting caught in her throat. Yo, yo, yo, what I'm trying to say is that it was just aight for me, dawg. Oh, and Carrie also illustrated my least favorite fashion trend - the tattered evening gown over jeans look. What junkie thought that one up? Paula?

The tribute to Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Following the night's of theme of "no theme," this out-of-left-field medley brought back all of the past Idol winners (except Fantasia, who's on Broadway right now) and the Top 12 to sing various songs from the classic Beatles album. Kelly did well with the title song and Carrie redeemed herself with a great vocal on "She's Leaving Home." Aside from those two performances, the whole bit was pretty shaky. Taylor couldn't quite pull off "A Day in the Life," and even Ruben looked confused as to why he was singing "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds." When the Top 12 joined everyone to sing "With a Little Help From My Friends," I kept wishing that Sanjaya would've sung the first line, "What would you do if I sang out of tune..." Unfortunately they gave that job to Chris Sligh, so whoever arranged that song obviously doesn't know a good opportunity when they see it.

The Ugly:

Margaret Fowler's appearance. This lady won the first Golden Idol award. Fortunately, I never saw her original appearance during the auditions. How nice of everyone to force her on me now. The only way I can describe this mess is to say that an insane, fat woman wearing several dead baby chick pelts ran up on stage and molested Ryan. I don't know if this segment was supposed to be funny, but all I know is that one of Jerry Springer's guests must have escaped from his show. I hope the short bus took her back to wherever the hell she came from.

The Puppetmaster: Clive Davis. I've made no secret of my loathing for this guy, which only grew after his appearance last night. Basically, he just showed up to tell everyone how many records the past Idols have sold and how rich we're all making him. Then he presented Carrie Underwood with a special "meal ticket" award.

SUNJAYA. Yes, I'm back to spelling his name incorrectly. He deserves it after last night. Just when I had started to think that I missed the guy, purely for comic relief reasons, he reminded me of why I was so glad to see him go in the first place. He came out with the Michael Jackson wind machine and some dance moves borrowed from his "The Way You Make Me Feel" video and destroyed "You Really Got Me" all over again. This may have been worse than the first time he did it, if you can imagine that. The crying girl was there again, obviously forcing out her tears this time. She must be all cried out by now. And who was Sunjaya's partner in crime? Joe Perry from Aerosmith. When Seacrest said his name, I could hardly believe it. Joe Perry? Really?? He can't possibly need the money. Does he really think this is cool? Any shred of respect I had left for Aerosmith (which was all pretty much destroyed when they recorded "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing") is totally gone now.

The Results:

As I already mentioned, Jordin won...just as I predicted. Even though I had a weak moment last week and thought that she might go instead of Melinda, I had a feeling she would win early on simply because she appealed to the young girls. My predictions were actually pretty good this year, as I went 8-3 on picking the cast-offs from the Top 12 down to the Finale. I didn't count the week where no one got voted off, because they were just trying to mess with my average!

And now it's over. I get my life least until next January. BeckEye, out!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

American Idol Top 2: Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman and Peter Pan

Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks

This is it, folks. After an exhaustive search to find the newest superstar, everyone has decided that these two are the best that our country has to offer. The Final seems a bit wrong without Melinda, but the show must go on.

The judges dressed up a bit more for tonight's show, with Randy going for the homeless, chubby Prince-fan look and Simon in his usual '70s Sunday best. It seems that he even shaved his chest hairs for the occasion! Paula....well, Paula apparently broke her nose earlier this week after tripping over her dog. Or a bottle of vodka. It's often so hard to tell the difference while in a drunken haze. Regardless, her nose looks perfectly fine. It's the rest of her freak-face that looks broken.

Blake is up first with an encore of his inventive spin on Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name." You know, I can't help it. I really like Blake. And whether you do or not, you have to admit that this is one of the coolest Idol performances in the history of the show, simply because none of the other contestants have ever shown this much originality. (No, Chris Daughtry's take on Live's take on Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line" still doesn't count even if you still haven't heard the Live version.) Even if you're not a fan of the beatboxing, you have to admit that Blake's fun to watch. Randy happens to love the SFX, but thinks that Blake's vocals are just aight. Paula is obviously mixing several types of muscle relaxers with her "Coke" because she is nonsensical. Simon says that Blake may not be the best singer, but he is the best performer.

Jordin inexplicably decides to cover Christina Aguilera's "Fighter." This may shock some of you, but I actually love this song. I do not love Jordin's take on it. The song does not suit her one bit. It seems like she's Chris Sligh-ing it (meaning she's ahead of the music) and screaming a lot. I'm not impressed. Randy always loves a good shriek-fest, so it comes as no surprise that he is in Heaven. Thank God he uses the word "stellar," so that Paula can borrow it for her critique. I can actually see her losing the already loose grip she has on the English language. Simon sides with me by telling Jordin she was a bit shrieky and awarding Round 1 to Blake.

For Blake's second trip to the stage, he chooses another Maroon 5 song, the jejune masterpiece, "She Will Be Loved." (If you're interested in my full feelings about this band, you can check out my review of Songs About Jane here.) Just like last week with "This Love," Blake is able to rise above Adam Levine's musical waste and deliver a very pretty vocal. All the judges agree that it was a nice performance, but Simon and I are still on the same track. He thinks the song choice was too safe and not capable of making a big enough impact at such a crucial point in the competition. Agreed.

Jordin gives us all another listen to her version of Martina McBride's "Broken Wing," and as the first time she sang it, it's very well done. However, Randy's contention that Jordin's cover is "better than the original" is so whack, I don't know whether to blow him out the box or feed him to the dawg pound. Paula tries to make friends with words again and just manages to sputter out, "You are in great, great vocal voice tonight." Um, ok. This is American Idol. This is American Idol on drugs. Any questions?

The winners of the songwriting contest are finally revealed as...*drumroll*...two dorks from Seattle! Seacrest introduces the song, "This is My Now," a title which sends chills down my spine. (Not the good kind. The nails on chalkboard kind.)

Blake, The Argyle King of the Northwest, tries his hand at the winning song first. Wow. Why did AI even bother to outsource songwriting duties this year? Did their team of monkey songwriters have its hands full with the new Hilary Duff record? As I feared from the title, this is the standard mid-tempo, syrupy ball of corn that Idol jams down our throats every year around this time. Blake does his best not to choke on it, and although he does a fair job, it's definitely not his best performance. The judges concede that this is not Blake's genre (yes, "crap" is a genre) but seem to be pleased with his performances tonight, overall.

Jordin has an easier time with the song because these types of cheese puff ballads are generally better suited for chicks. Her vocal here is very good, but I'm really turned off by Jordin turning on the waterworks again at the end of the song. She's done this quite a few times now. I'm just not believing the whole "I'm so overcome with emotion" act at this point. It reminds me of something I read about Janet Jackson. Apparently, when she would perform "Again" live, she would always go into that half-cry at the end of the song. Maybe Jordin is genuine, but I don't buy it. Especially now because, I mean, this song? How could this song provoke even the slightest emotion in anyone?? Tears aside, all the judges love Jordin and Simon proclaims that she wiped the floor with Blake in Round 3. Randy thinks she should win and reminds everyone that this is, after all, a singing competition. Ahh, The Dawg can be so naive at times. If that were actually true, Melinda would be onstage right about now.

To close things out, Daughtry performs the cast-off serenade, "Home." It's sure nice of Chris to show up and sing this for everyone out there who didn't realize that it was actually a whole song.

I think I will stick with my early-on prediction that Jordin will be the next American Idol. The show historically favors young girls, and she obviously is the better singer of the final two. Also, she's young and needs guidance, and will benefit the most from the prison sentence, er, recording contract.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

I finally found another video that I have been looking for forever..."Prime Time" by Alan Parsons Project. Much of why it was so hard for me to find is because I remembered the video so well but for some reason, over the years, I fell under the impression that it was for the song "Eye in the Sky."

I really wanted to post this video during Halloween, because it used to seriously creep me out when I was younger. Even though I always found the idea of mannequins coming to life pretty cool, these particular mannequins are a bit on the freakish side.

An Open Letter to John Mulaney

Dear John:

Please get off Best Week Ever. You're ruining it.

That is all.


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Idol Results: 5/16/07

So, I had several things written down about AI tonight. Some funny, some not. Some comments about how much I detest Adam Levine, some of my usual confusion over Blake's wardrobe (sweater vest over Seinfeld's puffy shirt tonight), and some more griping about the sheer length of the results show. But I'm chucking it all. I can quickly sum up tonight's show thusly: 15-year-old girls with unlimited cellphone minutes are not qualified to judge vocal talent.

Melinda's gone. Oh, Si. Oh, Si. You better learn how to face it.

Yeah, Simon looked positively livid upon hearing about Melinder's ouster. Yes it was disturbing, but I can't say I'm completely surprised. It's all about youth and looks on this show and in the pop music world in general. I'm sure Melinda already has 15 voicemail messages from hungry record labels, so it's really no big deal. Getting voted off is probably the best thing that could've happened for someone with her talent.

I guess this means I have to go back to my original prediction that Jordin will win...or does it? While watching the videos of the Idols visiting their hometowns, it seemed that Blake got the biggest reception and had the most rabid fans. We'll see. I'm still holding off on any final predictions until Blake and Jordin go head to head next week.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

American Idol Top 3: Are We There Yet?

I don't know what my problem is, but all of a sudden, American Idol is making me grumpy. It's gotten very boring because the Top 3 can all actually sing quite well. It's unheard of! It's certainly no good for my recapping purposes. I can't make fun of Paula all night. She's even become predictable.

Well, let's get on with it anyway. Here are your Final 3:

Jordin Sparks    Blake LewisMelinda Doolittle

Each of the contestants gets to sing three songs tonight - one picked by the judges, one by the producers and one by the finalists themselves.

Round 1

Simon's pick for Jordin is Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star." She sounds great, looks great, the judges think she's great...everything's great.

Blake takes on The Police's "Roxanne" at Paula's request and does a fine job. Sure, he's dressed like a 10th grade math tutor, but vocally he's already redeeming himself from last week's atrocities. Blake's back to being Blake. The Dawg and The Barfly think he's hot 'n fresh, but all Simon heard was a Sting impersonation. Well, at least Blake didn't do the duck bill.

Next up is Melinda with "I Believe in You and Me" by Whitney Houston. You all know Whitney. She's recorded with Randy Jackson. Just ask him. Or don't ask him. Either way, he'll tell you. Yo, yo, yo, he knows Whitney songs are tough to sing, but Melinda can handle it. She blew it out the box, or so I'm told. Of course she did.

Round 2

Jordin kicks off the producers' choice round with Donna Summer's "She Works Hard For the Money." Leave it to the producers to pick such a cheesy song. I agree that Donna Summer is probably right up Jordin's alley, but the woman had much better songs than this. Heaven knows why they chose this dud. Jordin, once again, sings the crap out of the song but she isn't really connecting. As Simon would say, I'm not exactly jumping out of my chair. Simon doesn't say that this time, and he, Randy and Paula all still love Jordin.

Blake takes on Maroon 5's "This Love," a song I hate from a band I loathe. Thankfully, Blake is much cooler and much less annoying than Adam Levine, mostly because he's not under the false impression that he is the reincarnation of the not-even-dead-yet Stevie Wonder. Style-wise, Blake looks like he's going on a boat race with Simon LeBon, and I dig that. Vocally, he's much more genuine than Levine and I dig that too. The judges pick up a shovel and dig with me, and all agree that this is turning out to be a good night for Mr. Lewis.

It's hard to imagine the producers throwing us all a curveball, but they do with their odd choice for Melinda - "Nutbush City Limits" by Ike & Tina Turner. The judges all salivate over Melinda again, but I'm pretty lukewarm on this one. Not that Melinda doesn't sound as wonderful as she always does; it's just not doing anything for me. She usually seems to connect with the audience during her performances, but this particular time is different. There's no soul. To steal a favorite line from The Dawg, it was just aight for me, man.

Round 3

Into the home stretch comes Jordin with a rehash of Shirley Bassey's "I (Who Have Nothing)" - a song that she already nailed earlier in the season. It sounds pretty much the same as the first time she did it, which is fantastic. But, I'm not a fan of the contestants repeating songs during the show's run, like when Carrie Underwood couldn't free herself from "Independence Day" or, worse, when Ruben tried to convince everyone that "Superstar" was actually his song. Still, it's another killer performance from Jordin, so I ain't mad at her. The judges are happy too, although Simon is disturbed that such a young girl (cue Kip Winger - she's only 17! 17!) is doing such an "old-fashioned" song. Paula's diarrhea of the mouth must be contagious, because Simon's inoffensive comment prompts Jordin to make some lackluster jab about how the song he chose for her was from the '70s. Everyone looks confused. Simon looks annoyed. Jordin looks like a gal who may have one foot in her mouth and one out the door.

Yay! Blake is on again. He's keeping me awake. I know I said last week that the girls would eat him alive, but he's more than holding his own. He may not be as technically proficient as Jordin or Melinda, but has a spirit that both women are lacking. Now dressed like the quintessential charming hipster doofus, Blake's personal song choice is Robin Thicke's "When I Get You Alone." Randy says that he liked the Maroon 5 song better, but The Dawg is whack, yo! I think this might be my favorite Blake performance yet. Simon is with me on this one, and praises Blake more than I've heard him do all season.

Melinda goes back to repeats to close out the show with "I'm a Woman," brought to you by the fine people at Enjoli. Or maybe it's Peggy Lee. Does it matter? Melinda did this song superbly the first time around, and this time is just as good. Randy thinks it's hot, Paula jibber jabbers something that no one understands, and Simon thanks Melinda for consistently delivering each week.

Of course I agree with Cowell that Melinda is the most consistent performer, as well as being vocally superior to the other two, but I feel like Blake has that "yo factor" that The Dawg is always barking about. A little yo goes a long way. I guess we'll see soon enough if it can get him to the Finals.

Seacrest asks the judges to predict who the Final 2 will be, and Randy is confident that it will be the two gals. Paula can't commit to an opinion or a language, as usual. All Simon will say is that he wants "my girl, Melinder" in the Finals. What's this "my girl" business? First he's slobbering all over Hayley, then he's kissing LaKisha, and now he's claiming Melinda, Melinder, whoever as his property? Hmmph. That's it! Our faux affair is so over.

Ryan didn't bother to ask me my prediction, but I will give it anyway. Melinda will obviously be in the Top 2 because she consistently wows everyone with her ability to sing anything. Originally, I was convinced that Jordin was going to squeak past Melinda to take the crown, because the show seems to favor young girls. However, I think Jordin is just holding steady while Blake continues to evolve and take risks. My gut is telling me that Jordin will be eliminated tomorrow night, leaving Melinda and Blake in the Finals. The ultimate winner? Well, I'm not going to form an opinion on that until next week!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

I really don't feel like digging up something super-obscure this week, and since I've had Bon Jovi on the brain since they were on American Idol, I'll just throw you all one of their lesser-known tracks. This one just happens to be my favorite - "She Don't Know Me," from their 1984 eponymous debut. Yes, the title contains some horrible grammar, but Jon can get away with it because he's hot.

The video doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's worth watching just to see Jon strutting around in tight jeans. And look how adorably boyish Richie was back then! He has to hate Jon for aging so imperceptively.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

This Is...Americanadian Eye-Dale

As most of you are probably aware, the Q&A sessions have been making the blog-rounds lately. I've already been interviewed once by that lovely Southern Belle, Turnbaby, but the uber-passionate Dale wants to pry my book open just a tad more. Being another considerate soul, Dale made sure to stick close to pop culture topics, so as not to "break my blog."

1. Given the choice, would you opt to write a weekly entertainment column for a magazine / newspaper or do a regular 'Hollywood Minute' style segment on television?

I suppose it would be fun to be on TV, but I've never been very telegenic. Plus, I would hate to have to wear pancake makeup once a week. Therefore, I would go with the written column.

2. I see from your MySpace page that you'll be heading for Jersey to see longtime loves Squeeze in August. Do you think Brooklyn will be okay with you stepping out on it so soon? And have you already picked out your outfit?

Brooklyn is pretty laid-back, so I think it can deal with it. Now, if snobby Manhattan gets pissy, it can go straight to hell. If it didn't let the Beacon Theatre charge twice as much for tickets, I wouldn't have to haul myself all the way to Jersey for the show.

As for my outfit, I have no idea. I bought VIP tickets, which entitles me to a meet-n-greet, so obviously I don't want to look like a slob in the event that I don't chicken out again when it comes time to meet Glenn Tilbrook. Hey, thanks for making me stress over this months in advance!

3. It seems forward of me to get personal but you don't seem to delve much into books on your blog. Is it your secret shame that you cannot read?

If I say yes, do you think the Lifetime Network would make a movie about me, like The Fantasia Barrino Story?

I go on reading jags, and then I won't read anything for a really long time. I don't know why that is, it just is. You obviously didn't pay attention to my "Favorite Books" section of my profile where you would've found some books, none of which have pictures. I actually just started Mitch Albom's For One More Day.

4. If you were forced to go, would you attend a Britney Spears 'concert' or a Lindsay Lohan 'concert'?

I think a Britney show would be completely hilarious, as long as I wasn't paying for it. Sadly, I actually like some of her songs so I could at least tap my foot and sing along. I couldn't tell you one song that LiLo sings. No that's not true, there's that "I'm tired of rumors starting, I'm sick of being followed" piece of crap. Wait, would I be allowed to be near the front and endlessly heckle? Then it might be more fun to go to the Lohan show. Wow, I had no idea this would be such a hard decision.

5. You love a lot of 80s music and there's virtually no harm in that. What current music do you like?

Pearl Jam has been my favorite band since they burst onto the scene. I have some friends who are in great bands (Vic Thrill + The Saturn Missile, Knockout Drops, Mad Larry), which I've written about here before. Other artists I'm really digging these days (who aren't leftovers from the '70s or '80s) are: The Killers, The Stills, Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Beck, Pete Yorn, Fountains of Wayne, Art Brut and My Morning Jacket.

Bonus Questions:
Dale said I could mix and match and answer whatever I wanted, but what the hell...I'll answer all the questions. Back in school, I always rocked the Bonus/Extra Credit questions, so I'm hoping to continue my streak.

B1. Do you have any hair care tips or fashion advice for Simon Cowell?

Yes I do. But I will only divulge that information in a lengthy, closed-door meeting with Sir Cowell.

B2. Can Melinda Doolittle do a lot with no neck?

Yes she can. But I often wonder exactly where her vocal chords are located.

B3. Who do you like better, Coaster Punchman or Melinda June?

Hmm, I don't really know either of them that well yet, but I've read both of their blogs. I love Coaster Punchman's name, because I love roller coasters and punching a man also can be great fun. Melinda June seems to have many of the same pop culture likes as me, and since I'm on her blogroll I should probably say that I like her better. However, I feel like this is some kind of 5th grade playground trap, so I refuse to answer.

B4. Kathy Griffin: for or against?

I used to hate her, but my roommate loves her. He's gay. She's a big fan of the gays, you know. If you don't know, just ask and she'll ramble on about it for 5 hours. Anyway, he forced me to watch her recent reality show, My Life on the D-List, on Bravo and I was surprised by how funny it was. So now I'm kind of for her, but I still get the feeling that if I ever met her in person, I would have to either walk away from her after 3 minutes or tape her mouth shut.

B5. Can you answer almost any question with a song lyric?

You keep talking. Where's it going? If there's an answer, I don't know it. Please. You're killing me. Please! You're killing me with all these questions.

Want to know more about what makes my Pop Eye tic? Just ask. On the flip side, if you would like me to interview you, leave your request as a comment.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

A Conan-Esque Epiphany

I was flipping through this awesome book tonight, and something dawned on me.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Idol Results: 5/9/07

The AI results show ended mere minutes ago and I've already forgotten most of it. What a dull night. Generally, results night is at least twice as boring as performance night, so since last night was about as exciting as Bingo night at the VFW, I shouldn't really be surprised.

The only thing that really stood out to me was Brigitte Nielsen's performance. What? That was P!nk? Ah, even better! I think P!nk is awesome, so I'm glad she showed up...even if it was weeks after she was promised to viewers. She sang "Who Knew," which has now replaced "U + Ur Hand" as the song that won't leave my head. According to TMZ, she was supposed to do "U + Ur Hand," but the producers wanted her to cut out the lines about masturbation. Considering she'd have had to change the actual title of the song to please TPTB ("U + Ur Van?" "U + Roseanne?"), she just decided to perform "Who Knew." Who knew Ed Sullivan was still alive and well?

The Ford commercial this week was a lame take-off on A Hard Day's Night set to The Kinks' "You Really Got Me." Oh, Sanjaya, they were playing our song. Is it ridiculous to say that I actually missed that crazy kid? If I have to sit through this kind of garbage, it should at least be train-wreck hilarious.

The group performance was a medley of Barry Gibb hits. Apparently, I need to type up another memo about how much medleys suck. Someone must have ripped the original one down from the AI break room bulletin board.

The Final 4 got a sneak peek of the new Fantastic 4 movie. Isn't that clever? I saw the first movie and thought it stunk, so I'm really not interested in the sequel. Although I will say that the Human Torch dude was smokin' hot. Har har. But really, that guy's mighty fine. Jessica Alba was pretty hot too. Seacrest and I both thought so, and neither one of us even likes girls.

After the mega movie, it was "home movie" time. All the finalists showed their baby pictures while telling warm and fuzzy family tales and openly weeping. Hey, LaKisha referred to her childhood hairdo as a "nappy fro!" You can't say "nappy" on TV! Her career is over!

Sandwiched in between the announcements that Jordin and Melinda were both safe was Barry Gibb's performance of "To Love Somebody." I'm not sure what was going on with him. He sounded much better during the mentoring sessions last night. The only way I can describe his vocal is to say that it sounded like someone turning a radio's volume button off and on really quickly during an Aaron Neville song.

Finally, the results were revealed, proving Simon and I right once again. Just one night after performing "Stayin' Alive," LaKisha was voted off by fans of irony. But, she'll be fine. I'm sure we'll hear from her again.

So, now it's down to three. Those two ladies are going to eat Blake alive next week. I hope Ryan remembers to bring his fork to get in on that action.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

American Idol Top 4: Tuesday Night Slight Temperature

Tonight's AI mentor is Barry Gibb, who looks kinda the same as he did in the '70s except for the wrinkles and mane of gray hair. He's either gotten very old or he just dyed his head because he's a huge Taylor Hicks fan. Only his chest hair stylist knows for sure.

Melinda Doolittle kicks off the evening with the groovy Bee Gee's tune, "Love You Inside Out." I've always liked this song, and Melinda is doing a good job as usual. She's really got a Gladys Knight vibe going on right now. However, I'm starting to get bored with Melinda because she always sounds great, but never brings anything new. Randy and Simon seem a bit bored as well, and Paula somehow verbalizes exactly what I was just thinking. I am relating to Paula. I'm scared. Simon, please hold me!

Next up, Blake Lewis is attempting the disco classic, "You Should Be Dancing." I can't hear this song without picturing my beloved John's big solo dance number from Saturday Night Fever. Blake's just lucky that Tony, Joey and Double J weren't in the audience for this performance, because they would've kicked the crap out of him backstage. Blake isn't pulling off the falsetto at all, and what's up with all the "yeah-eh-eh-ehs?" It sounds like morse code! I keep trying to tap out "S.O.S...please make it stop" on my remote control, but no one is responding. The "beatboxing" isn't even really beatboxing this time around. He just sounds like someone who forgot the words and is filling in the spaces with a lot of jibberish and dee-dee-dee-doo-doo-ing. Randy and Simon are not impressed, but of course Paula has to find some sort of silver lining. She seems to think that just being "unique" is good enough. If that were true, Sanjaya would still be around. I think Paula is just clinging to the only guy left in the competition. Even at her most crazy and drunk, she couldn't have enjoyed Blake's mangling of this song.

LaKisha Jones slows down "Stayin' Alive" and tries to do the Manero strut across the stage. I think LaKisha is having a lot of fun with this song, and I dig her little lyrical change that turns "I'm a dancing man" into "I'm a dancing sista." None of the judges like the performance, but I'm not sure why. They don't even know why. They don't know what they want half the time. They'll tell the finalists to be original and make the songs their own one minute, and the next they'll complain that the songs are being changed too much. I think KiKi is doing really well tonight, regardless of what the Three Stooges say. I am annoyed though that LaKisha completely disregarded Barry Gibb's advice to sing at the high end of her range. Isn't this like the third time she's ignored a mentor?

Barry Gibb asserts that Jordin Sparks' version of "To Love Somebody" is the best he's heard. Wow, I bet that announcement prompted His Royal Hackness, Michael Bolton, to go cry in a corner and pull out what's left of his hair. Since his version is the only one I've ever heard, I'll have to agree with Barry that Jordin's is the best. Randy makes a Mariah comparison without actually mentioning that he's worked with her. (Write this day down in history, folks.) Just as I'm thinking, Jordin's vocal is the best of the night so far, Paula says those exact words. Okay, this is getting really frightening. She's the last person I want to be in sync with.

Before the cycle starts all over and each of the Final 4 perform for the second time, FOX reminds me that an all new House is coming up after the show. Ooh, this is going to be the toughest case of House's career! At least since last week and until next week. Can I just mention really quickly that I think this is one of the dumbest shows on TV right now? I've only half-watched it twice, and both times House pulled the most obscure, bizarre prognosis out of his ass to save the day. For 45 minutes, no one can figure out why a seemingly healthy man's heart is failing, and then House suddenly has an epiphany that a piece of the guy's bellybutton lint worked its way inside his body and is stuck in his pulmonary valve. Then everyone tries to tell House how great he is, but he remains maddeningly gruff.

Sorry for that extended commercial break. And...we're back.

Melinda's second song is "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" I've always liked this song, and Melinda is doing a good job as usual. She's really got a Gladys Knight vibe going on right now. Wait. Didn't I already say this? Well, what else can I really say? Even Randy can't come up with anything but a lot of yo yo yos and yeah yeah yeahs. Paula compares Melinda to Stephanie Mills. Thank God she didn't say Gladys Knight.

Blake pulls out the relatively unknown Bee Gee's tune, "This Is Where I Came In." Even though Barry Gibb finds this choice "obscure," I actually remember this song! It's better than Blake's sorry first attempt, but it's still rather bland and even a bit annoying. This is an unfortunate night in Blake Land. I was expecting good things from him and he's really disappointed me. Randy and Simon are, once again, not impressed. Paula makes nicey-nice and then makes the little-too-late request, "What about 'Jive Talkin'?" In case you don't remember, I suggested that song for Blake last week. Damn you, Paula...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

LaKisha gets another shot with "Run To Me," a song that I've never heard. Even though she doesn't quite reach that final note, she sings this very well. The judges all agree that this performance is better than her first, but they all look like they're about to nod off.

Jordin follows up her earlier "best vocal of the night" with a take on "Woman in Love," a song popularized by Barbra Streisand. She falls a bit flat on this go-round, and it seems like she's trying too hard to imitate Babs. I think she might even be wearing a prosthetic nose. No, no...that was just a shadow. This song isn't waking up any of the judges and they give Jordin just average marks. Finally, Simon and I get back in sync when he tells Jordin that the performance was very old-fashioned. I don't understand why she would do two ballads. That's a pretty dumb move, as far as I'm concerned. The Gibbs have written so many fun songs, and she chose a couple of cheesy slow jams. She's only 17! Did you all know that? Randy forgot to tell her tonight, so Simon saves the day and reminds her.

It's hard to say who will go home tomorrow night. You know, none of these punks took my song choice advice from last week, so they can all get voted off for all I care. The nerve! But since that's unlikely to happen...

Blake is the only one who bombed both songs tonight, so he should rightfully be sent packing. However, since he's the only guy left and he's Chris's BFF, he'll probably get most of the all-important teen girl votes, which would be bad news for LaKisha. So, even though my head is telling me that Blake is d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duh-duh-d-d-d-d-done, my AI intuition has me convinced that it'll be bye-bye KiKi, bye-bye.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

Recently, I found a video that I didn't even know existed...and I'm so ashamed because the song is practically Pittsburgh's city anthem. This is the 'Burgh's favorite son, Donnie Iris with his one big solo hit, "Ah! Leah!"

I don't ever remember seeing this video on MTV, and it came out in 1981 when MTV just started and needed all the videos they could get. Of course, I don't think I even got MTV until around '84 or '85, so that could explain it. Still, in all the years since then I never saw it until I mistakenly stumbled upon it on YouTube just a couple of days ago. I guess Donnie didn't exactly fit in with all the pretty-boy video stars, with the whole Buddy Holly-meets-Orville Redenbacher thing he had going on. And, faced with it now, it's easy to see why this video didn't get much play. It's pretty awful! Still, the boy could sing. He still can. In fact, if I make a trip home this summer, I'm sure I can catch him playing at the Regatta or one of the many rib festivals. Ah! Ribs!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Prison Orange is the New Black

On Friday, Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail. Coming on the heels of Joe Francis's incarceration, it made me wonder if a new law had passed that banned wretched human beings from society. No such luck. Turns out Paris is going to jail for driving without a license, which was suspended in January after a drunk-driving arrest.

Now Hilton's lawyer is appealing to have the sentence reduced or modified because he believes that Paris was "selectively targeted for prosecution for who she is." Well, who is she? A spoiled, drunken ass with no respect for the law, who can't even figure out how to turn her headlights on because she's too busy sending text messages? That sounds about right. I'm missing the part where the judge was unfair.

As much as I think she deserves to be put in the klink, I'm sure this will only make Paris more famous. After she gets out, she'll probably want to record a rap album or star in a movie version of Prisoner Cell Block H.

Of course, it's not like Paris is being thrown in the general population at San Quentin. She's heading to the Century Regional Detention Center in L.A., where she'll be segregated from the other prisoners for safety reasons. This is the same place where Lost nut-job, Michelle Rodriguez, opted to do time instead of serving community service. Then she was released after serving only three days of a two-month sentence, due to overcrowding. So, it's entirely possible that Paris won't spend all 45 days inside anyway. I hope she does, but I won't be surprised if they try to scare her straight with a day or two in jail and then put her on mansion arrest, complete with a stylish ankle monitor studded with Swarovsky crystals. So don't worry, Paris fans. She'll be back to weaving in and out of freeway traffic in no time.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Be Aurally Assaulted by a Horny Live Girl! Just $20.00 for the First Minute, $7.50 for Each Additional Minute

Seconds after the last of her baby fat was shed, Britney Spears began staging her comeback. Very rich, bored and/or foolish San Diegoans shelled out $125 a pop to witness her 15 minute, lip-synched peepshow Tuesday night at the House of Cooze*.

If this clip is any indication of things to come, I'm confident that Brit will soon be knocked up again, mercifully derailing this most unwelcome comeback.

*Disclaimer: I hate that word, but it had to be said.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Idol Results: 5/2/07

So, did you all witness Simon's seemingly inappropriate laughing jag near the beginning of the show, which was prompted by Ryan's comment that Cowell "has a girlfriend and it's very serious?" Mmm hmm. He must've been thinking about me. Or LaKisha. No, it was me.

Following the trend of booking warm-up acts who have nothing to do with the major guest star or the genre of the week, AI got Robin Thicke to perform his hit, "Lost Without You." To my own surprise, I've been really digging this song lately but actually seeing this guy singing it kind of killed the mood. He looks like any number of random guys I see hanging around outside the corner deli. Not exactly the Mr. Saucy Pants I had pictured.

This week's Ford commercial/video set to "Paint it Black" seemed to be an homage to Gina Glocksen, The Little Mermaid and Criss Angel all at once. Have I mentioned how much I hate these things? It's worth repeating.

The red-headed Idol step-children - Ruben, Fantasia and Taylor - all got to tape itty-bitty "Idol Gives Back" announcements. I'm sure they don't feel at all bitter that Kelly Clarkson got to perform with a guitar hero and Carrie Underwood was sent to Africa to promote her exclusive iTunes single.

Results: Part I. Seacrest called up Melinda, Phil and LaKisha and, to no one's surprise, Melinda was safe. It came down to Drabby and Kiki and I had my first correct prediction of the evening when Phil was sent home. (Oh snap! The Daughtry tune was replaced by Carrie's cover of "I'll Stand By you" during the goodbye montage. And on rock night, no less!) Phil's reaction seemed to be a mixture of sadness and gratefulness. He strikes me as a good guy. Why do I always feel bad when the butts of so many of my jokes get voted off? I'm getting so sappy in my old age. It could also be because I managed to catch Phil's performance from last night on YouTube today and not only thought he sounded good, but that it was the least boring he's been all season. Oh well. He was never going to win, so what's the difference. And it's kind of cool that he really did go out in a blaze of glory.

Results: Part II (a). The second group was Jordin, Blake and Chris. Ryan immediately told Jordin that she was safe to make up for jerking her chain last week. He wasn't so kind to Blake and Chris, who were forced to sweat it out during the commercial break and Bon Jovi's performance.

When Ryan introduced Bon Jovi by saying "raise your hands," I got excited for a second, thinking that they were going to pull that oldie out. (Yes, thirtysomethings...that's an oldie now.) No such luck. Instead, the guys performed their new single, "(You Want To) Make a Memory," which I had already seen them do on the CMT Awards. That's right '80s fans - your Bon Jovi is a bona-fide country crossover act these days! I really like the new song and think it's very pretty, but I thought they should've ROCKED tonight considering that was this week's theme. Again, I wasn't able to get too upset with them because of Jon's face. Glorious. My one-time main man, Richie, is still cute...just in a haggard sort of way. I guess Jon hasn't been sharing his Dick Clark voodoo juice with the rest of the band.

Results: Part II (b). Blake and Chris shared an "awwwwww" moment before the results were announced. Their "best friends" speech was very sweet, and maybe even a little homoerotic. Ryan fully enjoyed it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Seacrest then told Chris that his time was up, and I marveled at how good I'm getting at these predictions. They brought the Daughtry song back for Chris's farewell, and he almost looked relieved to be going. I'm sure he'll have no problems getting into the biz now, because he's gotten great exposure and the chicks dig him. In the eloquent words of some random girl at the Farmer's Market, "He's, like, awesome and hot and he looks like Justin Timberlake which is super cool." Well said - even though he doesn't look anything like J-Tim, he just sounds like him. I'm a little sad to see Chris go myself, mostly because it means the death of Chrustin Richardslake. Let's all bow our heads in a moment of silence for my favorite nickname ever.

Next week, the Final Four will meet Lord of the Chest Hair, Barry Gibb! I won't try to predict what the contestants will sing, but here's what I think they should sing:

Blake - "Jive Talkin'." Totally up his alley. It's actually my favorite Bee Gees song.
Jordin - "If I Can't Have You." Great, great song that's in her range, and one that she could easily add more power to.
LaKisha - "Emotion." Ok, so this is a flat-out prediction. I would bet $1 million that this is the song that she picks. It just screams "LaKisha" to me.
Melinda - "Immortality." I seriously doubt anyone will pick this song, but I would love to hear Melinda sing it. It's a gorgeous, dramatic song that was written about Andy Gibb, and appears on Celine Dion's Let's Talk About Love record. The song gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. If anyone can cover Celine, it's Melinda.

Boy, all this talk of Barry Gibb and Justin Timberlake has really put me in the mood.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

American Idol Top 6 Redux: Sponsored by Aqua Net

Due to some blasted commuting issues, I didn't get home until nearly 8:15, so I missed the beginning of American Idol tonight. It's just a good thing that I made it at all, because missing Bon Jovi night would've been a real shot through my heart.

Since I'm watching Jordin right now, I've obviously missed the first performance. I'm hoping it was Phil Stacey because I've never fallen asleep to a Bon Jovi song and I don't want to start now. I guess I'll figure out who I'm missing soon enough.

Jordin Sparks is dressed up like Chaka Khan (why?) and performing the '80s classic, "Livin' on a Prayer." She's half-singing, half-shouting, so I guess you could say she's halfway there. Randy and Paula think they've certainly heard better from Jordin, but that she did a great job considering that she chose a tough song. Simon says it was horrible. Tommy says it doesn't make a difference if she makes it (to next week) or not. She gave it a shot. I say she could be in trouble, but her past performances should be enough to keep her alive.

Jon Bon is telling LaKisha Jones something about soul singing, but I'm too transfixed by his gorgeous teeth and hair to pay attention. it possible that this guy gets more gorgeous with each passing second? I'll ponder that during the next mentoring session. Right now, KiKi is singing "This Ain't a Love Song," a track from the sadly underrated These Days. I thought she might have some trouble with this, but aside from a few weird notes in the first verse, she is really handling the song well. All of the judges think LaKisha rocked it out, while Simon acts like a groupie and insists on giving her a kiss. A little peck is fine, Simon, but just remember that I was born to be your baby.

Jon seems concerned that Blake Lewis's modern take on "You Give Love a Bad Name" may not go over very well with Bon Jovi purists. He thinks some people might not like it being "messed with." Perhaps he should've taken his own advice back in 1994 before sucking all the fun out of "Livin' on a Prayer" to revamp it as a weak, Bossa Nova-lite dud. But, whatever. I forgive him because he is, in fact, getting more gorgeous with each passing second. I knew it wasn't my imagination. Anyway, on to Blake. He looks like the missing member of 30 Seconds to Mars with the new hair color, but I'd bet he could kick Jared Leto's ass. Hell, I could kick Jared Leto's ass. Speaking of ass-kicking, I've got to hand it to Blake because he is really funking up this song. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but I dig his quirkiness, originality and the sheer size of his cajones. All of the judges love it and wish they had brought their lighters with them.

Here's Chris Richardson, whom Ryan flat-out introduces as Justin Timberlake. At least he didn't call him Chrustin Richardslake, or I'd be dumping Seacrest's body in the swamps of Jersey. Chris forgets the words to "Wanted Dead or Alive" in front of Jon Bon, which is understandable. I'm sure being in the presence of that giant hunk of man meat would get just about anyone flustered. Speaking of man meat...uh, Dave Bryan?? Come on! Where the hell is Richie Sambora?? And why hasn't Richie aged nearly as well as Jon? I must put these questions aside for now and concentrate on Chris's performance. Thankfully, he's remembering all the lyrics but this is like watching the internal struggle of someone with multiple personalities. He's trying really hard to keep Timberlake at bay, but he keeps sneaking through here and there. Overall, it's a decent performance but he's not exactly rockin' my face. Randy and Paula love Chris, but Simon thinks he may not have been good enough to stay safe this week.

Closing out the show for what seems like the millionth time is Melinda Doolittle with her take on "Have a Nice Day." This is the perfect song choice for Melinda (even if she doesn't know it) because she seems like the type who would tell someone to have a nice day after they got in her face. Once again, Melinda proves her (hair) mettle by diving into a genre that she knows virtually nothing about and singing the hell out of this song. Once again, the judges are all dazzled. Once again, I'm left to ponder exactly how many Bon Jovi songs contain some variation of the phrase, "I'm gonna live my life."

G.W. and the wife show up via recorded message to thank everyone for raising $70 million last week and then try to make funny. I've seen more personality from the automatons in the Hall of Presidents. I'm going to just forget that I saw that.

Looks like Phil Stacey was first! During the phone number recap, I get a quick peek at his cover of "Blaze of Glory" and it sounds like I may have missed a pretty good performance. But, Phil's vocals have never been his problem. The issue is that even if he sang the song well - what was that clip, like 20 seconds long? I still got bored about halfway through. I'm sorry, but he's completely forgettable. Or maybe I'm just used to hearing that song sung by someone with an awesome, thick head of hair.

The finalists may have gotten a little too used to never saying goodbye after last week's pity party, but with only six left, soon to be four, the reality is that anyone could go. This is usually the time of year that weird stuff starts to happen so no one should get too comfy. Even you, Melinda! Who says you can't go home? (Ok, so I just wanted to use that Bon Jovi title. I don't really believe that Melinda will get voted off.)

I think LaKisha was in trouble last week, but she redeemed herself tonight. Rock 'n roll threw Jordin for a loop, but she has been consistently fantastic throughout the competition. Blake really took a chance with his performance, which he will most likely be rewarded for. That leaves Phil and Chris, who have both struggled with various issues. Therefore, I'm predicting that they will be the two to get bounced.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine